demanding three year old,and why do i keep giving in?

Question

i know all children can be demanding at times but my three year old daughter is getting impossible, she calls me every few mins to pick up things shes dropped,if im on the phone she drags out of my arm till i let her say hello, she asks for drinks food etc when im takling to someone, and the worse thing is i give into her demands without thinking. she is our sixth child so the older ones tend to run around after her, and find every little thing she does funny.i know its my giving in that has to change but now when i tell her im busy she starts crying that i dont love her and winges for the whole day ......anyone any ideas.

BTW had not got this with my older kids because they were all born close and i just didnt have the same time to give in..think im getting to mellow or too old for this

LORI K what about when out shopping, people look at me and she just screams louder,

democrazydog....i have x

Answer 1

A child who defies the leadership of his parents is reassured when they remain confident and firm under fire. It creates a sense of security for a kid who lives in a structured environment in which the rights of other people (and his own) are protected by well-defined limits.

Begin teaching respect for authority while children are very young. The most urgent advice I can give to the parents of an assertive, independent child is to establish their positions as strong but loving leaders when Junior and Missy are in the preschool years. You, Mom and Dad, are the boss. You are in charge. If you believe it, the tougher child will accept it also. Once a child understands who is in charge, he can be held accountable for behaving in a respectful manner.

When that nose-to-nose confrontation occurs between generations, it is extremely important for the adult to display confidence and decisiveness. The child has made it clear that he’s looking for a fight, and his parents would be wise not to disappoint him! Nothing is more destructive to parental leadership than for a mother or father to equivocate during that struggle. When parents consistently lose those battles, resorting to tears and screaming and other signs of frustration, some dramatic changes take place in the way they are seen by their children. Instead of being secure and confident leaders, they become spineless jellyfish who are unworthy of respect or allegiance.

Define the boundaries before they are enforced.Preceding any disciplinary event is the necessity of establishing reasonable expectations and boundaries for the child.
Distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility.When accidents happen, patience and tolerance are the order of the day. There is another category of behavior, however, that is strikingly different. It occurs when a child defies the authority of the parent in a blatant manner. She may shout “I will not!” or “You shut up!” or “You can’t make me.” It may happen when Junior grabs a handful of candy bars at the checkout and refuses to give them back, or when he throws a violent temper tantrum in order to get his way. These behaviors represent a willful, haughty spirit and a determination to disobey.
Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over.After a time of conflict during which the parent has demonstrated his right to lead (particularly if it resulted in tears for the child), the youngster between two and seven (or older) will probably want to be loved and reassured. By all means, open your arms and let him come! Hold him close and tell him of your love. Rock him gently and let him know again why he was punished and how he can avoid the trouble next time.

This is a teachable moment, when the objective of your discipline can be explained. Such a conversation is difficult or impossible to achieve when a rebellious, stiff-necked little child is clenching her fist and taking you on. But after a confrontation has occurred—especially if it involved tears—the child usually wants to hug you and get reassurance that you really care for her.

Avoid impossible demands.Be absolutely sure that your child is capable of delivering what you require. Never punish him for wetting the bed involuntarily or for not becoming potty trained by one year of age or for doing poorly in school when he is incapable of academic success.
Let love be your guide!A relationship that is characterized by genuine love and affection is likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors are inevitable.
Prayer for a Strong-Willed Child
When parents bring one of these tough youngsters into the world, they need to recognize that while raising that child may be difficult for a time, it is worth their effort to do the job right. Their attitude should be, “The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him. And I’m up to the task. I’m going to make it with the Lord’s help.” That’s the healthy way of looking at parenting when the pressure is on.

I am convinced that there is no other true source of confidence in parenting. There is not enough knowledge in the books, mine or anyone else’s, to counteract the evil that surrounds our kids today. We must bathe them in fervent prayer when we are in our prayer closet, saying words similar to these:

“Lord, You know my inadequacies. You know my weaknesses, not only in parenting, but in every area of my life. I’m doing the best I can to raise my kids properly, but it may not be good enough. As You provided the fish and the loaves to feed the five thousand hungry people, now take my meager effort and use it to bless my family. Make up for the things I do wrong. Satisfy the needs that I have not met. Compensate for my blunders and mistakes. Wrap Your great arms around my children, and draw them close to You. And be there when they stand at the great crossroads between right and wrong. All I can give them is my best, and I will continue to do that. I submit them to You now and rededicate myself to the task You have placed before me. The outcome rests securely in Your hands.”

I’ve found that God is faithful, as a loving Father, to hear and answer that cry of the heart. Turn to Him for solace when you’ve reached the end of your rope. He will be there to comfort you and work within the soul of your beloved child.

Answer 2

She's a clever little girl who knows she has you in the palm of her hand! You know yourself what the problem is but the question is a are you willing to take the bull by the horns and tackle this? Its going to take determination and patience but unless youre 100% ready to go for it there is no point.
It doesnt have to be difficult, your daughter is 5 and old enough to understand and be reasoned with. She is very clever with the emotional blackmail too, 'you dont love me' a statement she knows will really get to you and make you give in. She knows you love her.
Start by getting the rest of the family to agree to help you. Explain to them that it will make life so much better if they help out, make them feel grown up by saying things like 'i need your help' etc. First set the ground rules and explain to her. No whining, no demanding etc. Make a game with a large piece of card and an aeroplane, stick it half way and if she whines the plane goes down. If she does something nice it goes up. Its important to 'overdo' it at first with the praise, if she does the slightest lovely thing its big praise and move the plane up. When the plane reaches the top she can have a treat and, again, lots of praise. Kids love these games, it helps them focus and see what they are acheiving. Let her help you decorate it as this will get her more enthusiastic.
If she is whining and you have warned her, then without a comment move the plane down, stay calm and ignore her as best you can (this is quite important, she needs to see only nice behaviour gets her attention). The minute she becomes nice you can re inforce the positive behaviour. If youre out and about ask her when you arrive home. Were you good? She will soon remember not to play up away from home.
I know i am making this sound simple but its just reinforcing good behaviour and rewarding it with treats and the attention/praise she wants, punishing and ignoring the bad behaviour. Why not give it a try? She may get worse for a bit to 'test' how serious you are, stick by the rules and good luck x

Answer 3

Well, a good start would be to watch these "Supper Nanny" programs that are on TV. They give out alot of useful information on how to deal with children, wether they are extremely naughty or not. If he is always asking you for things, you will have to say no most of the time. If not, you might spoil your son, and then he will be even harder to work with when he is older. When it comes to things like cleaning, why not try make him help. Even if he is three, you can still find something for him to do. BUT, make sure it seems like a game to him, and that he has fun doing it. Thats a bonus because when he is older he will want to help you more because he knows it is fun. About the relaxing, that can be a problem. The best time to try is when he is in bed, but if you take a shower it would wake him up. Try having a bath? Or just relax on the couch? And finally, if all the above fails, go out and buy some books or seek some help. It might sound as if you shouldnt and its bad if you have to do that, but if you want a less demanding child, it might be the last option I hope I helped.

Answer 4

Like you said This is your 6th and you haven't the energy, it hard to tell a child no who's use to getting everything she wants. The answer is simple either your going to stop giving or let her grow up thinking she controls you and can get everything. Just stop giving her things, you will find this hard to do at first but she will find else something to do once shes cried enough. She has siblings so have her spend more time with them then you ,so she can ask them for things and tell them to say no! She can't make the family give her things so this shouldn't be hard, when your out she is just going to have to cry no means no. I'm telling you stick to the no rule and after a while the habit will be broke "start now"!

Answer 5

You give in because it's easier to give in. She's learned that she can get what she wants by being persistent. It's going to take a while to correct that and it's not going to be the easiest course of action, but it will be the best. It's very simple, you have to teach her that she isn't going to get what she wants just by being persistently demanding. For a while, she's going to go on expecting you to go on as you have. You need to grow a backbone with her and take the harder road.

If you don't nip it now, you are going to have one terrible teen.
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I REALLY feel your pain. I had one just like that. Unfortunately, you are going to have to suffer through in public, otherwise, she'll pull that stunt every time. I'll tell you what I did with my daughter. It's a little unorthodox, though. I kept a loaded water pistol...a small one, in my purse. When my terrible 3 year old (and it always seems to be 3, not 2...I wonder why the poor 2 year olds get all the bad press) would start a tantrum, I would pull out that squirt gun and squirt her right between the eyes. The first time I did it, she looked at me in shock for the longest moment and then we both burst into laughter. It really defused the situation.

It really DOES get better. And for all those people who stare...the ones who have never had children may give you a hairy eyeball from time to time, but all of us experienced parents will understand. Have a light-hearted response to people...you may even make some of them think. Something like "Well, I guess it's better for me to deal with this now than 13 years from now. The world can't handle another Paris Hilton." Good luck, dear.

Oh and if it's any consolation, this kind of manipulative behavior is an indication of a gifted child. These highly intelligent children really learn how to pull their parents' strings. If you are strong enough to deal with her, you may find that you will have a very high achiever on your hands.

Answer 6

Sounds like she know that you'll give in and that is why she is doing it. We all love our children and want to be there for them and help them all the time. But at such a young age they are sponges and by that I mean they learn quick. I hate the term to train them but in reality that what we are doing with them at that age. I love your daughter and it might sting ya a bit but tell her no. She might have a big fit, but she will get over it and she will soon learn that you are the parent and not he toy to demand. My son was the same. It took a bit, maybe two weeks but he got the picture. Sometimes a hug helps.
But if she is throwing things on the floor for attention, hug her, love her and then let her know that she needs to pick up her things. Show her next time she throws them on the floor they go in the garbage. The garbage thing works best! You don't actually throw it away. They get it back on a later date. Good Luck.

Answer 7

my daughter was exactly the same but i learnt i had to be as persistant as her and she gets even worse when we are at the shops and i dont buy her anything but with the shops she used t lay on the floor kicking and screaming and everyone would be looking and staring but i would just walk away hide round the corner untill she stopped screaming and what not then i would say good girl or summin like that but also this does work at home if she is being naughty just ignore her yes its very annoying when you are on the phone but you need to just keep talking dont put the phone down or end the call quickly just ignore and be persistant and only praise good behaviour i was persistant and my daughter is really good now urs will sonn get fed up with it

Answer 8

hi, kids r great aren't they? LOL. my 4 year old daughter is a little madam too, not too demanding but a madam all the same. at mealtimes she is awful, i will put something in front of her that she doesnt want and she will just sit there looking at it for about an hour, then she will nibble at it. i give her a set time to eat it, and if she doesnt eat it in that time it gets thrown in the bin, and i tell her she gets nothing else. i have to battle with my guilt because she is then going to bed hungry, but the other half of my brain is telling me if she was hungry she would have eaten it and you cant give in or they will play you everytime they want/dont want something. i know it isnt the same as your daughter but the moral of the story is do not give in. as for the saying you dont love me anymore, my son who is 6 says this alot, the first time he said it i cried and then went to reassure him i did love him, but my partner pointed out that kids are very clever and know which buttons to push, he was emotionally blackmailing me cos he hadn't got his own way, so now when he says it i dont feel so bad but make sure that when he is good i tell him how much i love him on a regular basis so he knows. i always say to my kids i always love you but when you are naughty i dont always like you, they know the difference between love and like. hope this helps you and good luck xx

Answer 9

Don't give in. That's your number one mistake already. If you can't handle that then the issue will never be solved. Don't get embarrassed when others look your way when your child is screaming. Show them you don' care about the attention you are getting. Be firm about your rules for her. Show her manners. She is not to young to learn. Yes it may take awhile, but if you don't teach her than who will? Everyone has this issue, you are not alone. Your daughter continues to do this b/c you allow it and she knows it. She thinks she is the boss, not you. Teach her different. Don't let her grow up thinking she can rule you.

Answer 10

Thats what kids do, my 2 1/2 year old does it
i find it impossible not to give in, but by not giving in you are showing them that you cant answer to their every little cry!
When my son was a baby, he would cry, i would run to him and make a fuss, which is why i think he is the way he is now!!
your daughter telling you that you dont love her and whinging all day is classic - to try and get you to give in!
Its not being nasty, we have to teach our children these things!
good luck

Answer 11

I had to babysit someone like that. They would cry if they didnt have something they wanted. So i would leave the room, cause theres nothing wrong with her, so theres no reason for her to cry. In about 1 or 2 minutes, she would walk into the room im in, pretend the whole thing never happened and ask if i wanted to play or something. This was very effective for me.