what can you do if youve had a very tough and hard life for most your life, and you get jealous and angry?

Question

looking at other people living their lives, getting their needs met, being fullfilled?
plus if ive had it so bad and endured so much pain, trauma, victimization, bullying, abuse etc...does this put me in a catagory of my own and seperate me from everyone else, everyone around me? so it would be meaningless for someone to tell me, that somebody else had had a hard life to?
because my pain has been so servere and prolonged, it seperates me from the crowd, singles me out?

so it could stop me relating to people? im a 30 year old borderline personality disorder sufferer..throughout my life ive been , bullied, victimized, attacked/assaulted and injured, was sexually abused twice, once at 3 years old, second time at 7 years old, was bullied throughout high school, got admitted to a psychiatric hospital for 18months, been attacked in 1997, had my head split open..suffered mental abuse in the hospital..been attacked in the street by street gangs..will all this single me out from everyone

else and stop me living a normal life?

also i have dreams and ambitions i wanna reach
the big one of mainly emigration from the uk
to canada or the us, but i guess because of my past
ill be screwed to do that either..my dreams down the drain

ive also never made any friends in life, ever, and neither
have i ever had a girlfriend ever...im filled to the brim with
bitterness, anger and rage...jaw clenching rage..a fire that
wont go out...what does anyone think of all this? can there
be hope for me?

Answer 1

Get into counseling and get your esteem back.

Answer 2

I think what you bring to the table is a different experience and I think you would be surprised at how much we all have in common with you. Even if its only a smaill percentage it has to start somewhere. Just with the abuse. 1 in 3 women have been abused, so if you are in the company of 4 women you can count on it that at least one of those women have had been abused.

The anger comes from unresoloved issues. You know they say that anger not taken care of turns into depression. Have you ever thought about writing short stories? Writing in a journal. Just reading your first few sentences I am filled with hope that the human spirit carries on. We can be stomped on, spit on, pissed on and still we are here. I am certain with your experiences with mental health that you have had therapy before? ANy of it work? Have you read any of VIktor Frankl and his experience in AUchiwitz Where he lost most of his family. He came up with a psychology while in there and that is when everything is taken away from us the only thing we have left is choice. We have the one choice to choose our attitude. We can also heal some of the anger within us by doing a good deed everyday. Noone has to know about it.

We all have secrets..... Some worse thatn others..... But we are all scared of them being found out. Thats why there is so much power in taking control of it instead of it controlling us. It takes practice my friend but I think with practise you can do it.


Of course I am a therapist, so I always believe that there is a good therapist out there for you. It may take some time to find the right one... I also think volunterring with children that have been or are being hurt could learn alot from you. You have lead a cherised life, you have a story and I would like to hear it sometime. Good luck friend

Answer 3

Well, you'd be wise to hang out in better neighborhoods and be careful of what you say to people. That, of course, is far easier said than done.

Your pain is caused by depression, and depression--at least the most painful part of it--can usually be treated with medication. Once you stop banging yourself over the head, you can think a bit more clearly, calm down a bit, and start figuring a way out of whatever dilemma you've gotten yourself into.

It's not easy, because most of us develop something of an addiction to the mental pain of depression, and are somewhat fearful, because the responsibility for our own moods has suddenly been handed to us when the medication actually begins to work.

What mental health programs try to do is to get the patient proper medication and then get him into a predictable, structured environment where he can get experience in dealing with daily life a bit at a time. This is what you must do for yourself.

If your medication begins to exorcise the illness that's crippling you, you can expect the illness to fight back, and violently. It'll tell you that you don't need this stuff, that it's dulling your mind. Don't listen. Use your own wits, and your reason.

Answer 4

Sweetie, no matter how alone you feel, your not. Many, myself included, has lived a very hard life...I spent 13 years with an abusive husband that tried to kill me every time I turned around. I've been raped, I won't go into detail. I have had sooooo many tragedies in my life that I feel that maybe it will never get better. But...I have learned a lot of hard lessons during all this I have went through. Life is what I make it. I had to pull myself up and make my life what I wanted it to be. Sure, I still have ups and downs and I still can't seem to get some of those images from the past out of my head, but I had to stop being bitter because the bitterness destroys you, it doesn't hurt those that hurt you, it hurts you and you only. Please get counseling and learn how to let go of the past so it will not ruin your future. Yes, you do have a future, any future you want to make for yourself. You are not hopeless and you are not alone in how you feel. Most people would think my life of being abused is a fictional book because it's so unbelievable...but if I can get past all the bitterness, so can you. You make that decision and you make it happen. Nothing good can come to you if you live in bitterness and in the past, let it go...it's hard, but you have to and make it better for yourself. Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

When I saw your question it really hit home for me. I hope I can help. I was abused as a child mentally, physically and sexually. I then developed an eating disorder for that took 8 years to overcome. I was bullied severely in high school and beaten up several times. I then was in an abusive relationship for 7 years. I had a horrible childhood and felt totally ripped off and it hurt to see others having a great time and me being so miserable. I always felt like a loner and like I was not good enough to have friends and be part of anything, too. I am 40 years old and guess what, you never get totally over it. But here's the good news. You can change things around. Here's what I did. I confronted my abusive parent. I wrote a letter, told her how I felt and what her abuse did to me. It was very theraputic for me and it felt like as those words were going down on the paper, the bad feelings were coming out of me forever. I know it sounds stupid but it really works. I no longer talk to my abuser who called me a liar, and wouldn't apologize, admit or acknowledge what she did to me but I'm OK with that because she owns it now! I have moved on and try to be a positive person. I used to be very negative but make a conscious effort to be positive and surround myself with positive people. It really works. I won't let the people who tried to get me down win. I am in control of my own life and nobody is going to wreck it for me now. The pain never goes away but you really can learn to deal with it!! I was about your age when I finally changed my life so hang in there, it will happen for you if you want to change. I hope I have helped a bit I really feel your pain.

Answer 6

Darling, please,
Has anyone ever mentioned Traumatic Stress Disorder to you? You are absoulutely different. You are a heck of a guy to want to turn this around. (two steps forward, one step back, fall over....) I refered to TSD Excluding the standard Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was first diagnosed by Surgical Neuroligist. I was angry, but blank, wanted to cry, but blank. I was like a little automoton. There was not a competent descision making skill in my skull. I was raising a kid like that!My whole existence would be described as happy go lucky, but I was stuck in a rut of PTSD so bad, I often felt my girl was raising me. If you have had mental help before, go be a pioneer again. In a 10 years this will not be a reality. It will be the norm to get mental help just as much and a open as physical care. Seriously, pffft to anyone who has a problem with the problems they didn't save me from. DUH!
Take a stand. Today is really the first day of the rest of your life, and you are bound to fall. Gosh knows I did. I still can't believe in anyone but myself and suicidial thoughts have finally flown the coop (lol). Our problems, I really believe can be handled if we just learn to focuse on the present. That's why I say TSD. Screw what has happened before. Let that burden be gone. My house is a mess and I don't care. My dogs are very well mannered, but their paws carry debris through doggy door and rainy days are a mud puddle. Let it go. Just block it from your Computer, from your mind (I change my mind constantly). From your phone. If you get a letter from someone. Put it in a box a forget about it until you accidently run into it again. My idiot family thought it "would be best for me" if I didn't go to my Uncles funeral....I'm still working on that one from Christmas. Other wise I am doing pretty good. Please take my advice, Please? I feel so much better and my life has had some wonderful turns it's so nice and it's all because I was a pioneer. (No I did not burn my bra in the 60's....) Go be a pioneer and you will be able to tell your Grandchildren! {8D] I for one am proud of you. Friend 2 Friend, J

Answer 7

im not gonna lie...that is horrible...i think everyone gets jealous and angry though. nothing i haven't heard before. i think you need to take time to think about what you want (i guess goals and the reasons why you are jealous) and make a 100% effort to reach those goals. no matter how bad it gets, you can always make things better. you just have to have a positive attitude. im not kidding either. if you have a negative hopeless attitude, you will never get anywhere in life. work for what you want. i just think that all of the bad things that has happened in your life has just made you a stronger person who appreciates things more. you probably have your guard up too. maybe you should work on letting your guard down first. granted, my advice wont happen in the snap of a finger, but if you work at some positive mental attitude, you will go further in life.

Answer 8

Well are you going to sit alone the rest of your life and do nothing about what has been done to you?...it is past...let it be..forget it..forget what you have been through..quit living your life in self pity..do something about it..what are your hobbies?...do you think there is anything that you are good at..any talent?...anything you are passionate about?...anything that make you feel good?...do you like to write?...how about blogging on the internet about something you love..since you like movies just start blogging on that..go to blogger.com or buzznet.com and create your account..then start blogging...spread the word about your blog around, even on yahoo answers...and then if you work hard on writing and advertising your blog and people really start liking it..then add google advertisements through google adsense (about which i can tell you later, if you wish to do so,just mail me)...trust me if you work hard enough you can really earn a lot of money...just transform all your negative energy into positive.
Remember that God doesn't help anyone who don't help themselves...the moment you start lifting your life even a little..God will help you with the rest...you just need to make a move..and then see how things turn out.
You are 30 now, a 30 year old man is very mature, there is nothing that you should stop you.
Forget this BPD, i am not even sure if you really have it, People say you have all kinds of diseases just to make money.
Stop pitying yourself, right now, and go out.
I hope you will understand me someday..that day would be really good...why not make that day today?..change your life rightnow!..shut the computer and just move out to change your life.

Answer 9

Hey there! It takes one to know one so here goes. I too have experienced a sh*ttie life. I don't need to explain it to you, it seems you already know that part of life. What changed my life?
1) I learned I am NOT a victim. If I continue to think of myself AS A VICTIM I will BE a victim.
2) I learned that my anger, self pity, selfishness, jealousy, all defects, are caused by FEAR!
3) The way I am treated by others can be controlled by ME!
I have a voice and I have rights.
4) I have a choice today! I can choose to be happy or sad.
50 I have only today to worry about. I don't live in the past and I don't live too far into the future. I keep it simple.

Best to you. You can live a better life but only YOU can change it. You can not change the past or people. You can only change yourself!

Answer 10

Wow... even though it does not help AT ALL ... I'm sorry all those things happened to you. It's awful that people can do those sorts of things.

Don't give up on living your dreams. Find out what you can do to fulfill them...look up people that are doing what you want to do... see if you can find a mentor ...someone you can talk to about your life, to help you get there. Just don't give up... you can do it if you really want it.

I don't know what your beliefs are... or exactly what kind of things you are going through...I'm sure no amount of words could express the pain you've been through...

But, I'll pray for you. And, I hope the links below will help you.

Answer 11

Pain can single us out, I've had my share of events I wish I could forget as well. I shut myself away from society for a while, and I understand when you say you get jealous of others and their happiness, because I've done it as well. What I found from it all is I shouldn't let the past mess with me, because the past no longer exists, neither should I be anxious about the future because that doesn't exists either. You have to see that you cannot keep carrying the past on your back because it will only slow you down. Concentrate instead on the current time, because it is the current time that has not yet caused you pain.Focus on each passing moment and try to make that current moment a stepping stone for advancement. You will later see, that trying to improve your current situation will have positive effects on your future. Its is like I have learned from Buddhist teachings, " once you have crossed the river, abandon your vessel" in other words, try not to attach yourself to things that have already happened. What happened to you got you to where you are now, and now my friend it is time to abandon that vessel and carry on.

- my best wishes