my son is 8 and here latley he has a mouth on him, tells me and my hubby no and just always has smart butt remarks to say...i mean, all day...he has ADHD, which can't have anything to do with his mouth...we try time out , doesn't work much he just goes back to backtalking...we have spanked his bottom...he acts like we are killing him and has smart remarks here....any suggestions on how to get him to talk nice and not back talk so much?..he is so spoiled, we love him to death, and he is for sure not deprived of anything, we spend time with him and do things for him....any suggestions?
2007-07-06 18:22:44 · 18 answers · asked by Nita and Michael 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Something must be bothering him. Anything about you he may be holding anger about. Have a simple talk. Open up that you'll listen but not get angry about what he has to say. Just tell him parents are people and everyone makes mistakes now and then. Ask if you've hurt him. Is someone else hurting him-a friend, a bully at school, is he upset with his teacher. Have a talk.
Forget the spankings. Really, they just reinforce the bad behaviour.
Finally, choose your battles. You're going to exhaust yourselves and have a pretty bad atmosphere in the house if you respond to all of the things he says.
You can say "I want you to know I heard that. I'm not saying it was good or nice, but I'm going to ignore it." You could tell him some things are going to get him some soap in his mouth to clean it up-but dont do this unless he was warned and dont do it more than 1 or 2 times a day.
It just sounds like he doesnt know what to do with his frustration and aggression. Tire him out by running races to see who will win or other ways to get rid of some of that energy. If you "listen" he'll unknowingly give you clues to whats up. If he's frustrated about being treated younger than he now feels he merits, ask him about that too. Prayers for your family going up.
2007-07-06 18:42:49 · answer #1 · answered by Spunkynut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that the next step to take is to start taking things away from him. The next time he backtalks spank him, and if he keeps doing it take away tv for 2 weeks, or take away his toys for a weekend. If he has an upcomming event something with friends, let him know that if he keeps doing it he will not be able to go. Make him stay in the house and not play with his friends. He wants to test you and your husbands limits and see if you are going to give in and not do anything. The earlier that he gets the message that the adults are in charge and not him, he will begin to calm down.
The other thing that you can try is to make a chart let him put the stickers or stars on there when you catch him being good or not talking back. If he does something bad or talks back then make him take away one that he has earned. Let him work twards a prize like a toy that he really wants or a special trip with you somewhere like the movies. He will see that for the good things that he does and for not talking back he gets rewards, and for the bad things he gets punished. It will be a lesson that he will need later on in life. Good luck with whatever you try.
2007-07-06 19:13:51 · answer #2 · answered by gatorgirl2669 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really need to learn that YOU are the parent and YOU are in control. I have ADD, and I can tell you that my parents do not hesitate to punish me for a sharp tongue. Take away privlieges. For example:
1 time disrespect - warning
2nd time - loss of a mild privelege (dessert or playtime)
3rd time - loss of tv/computer/videogaming privelege
4th time - time out (20 minutes) in a place with no distractions (facing the wall in the room you're in) with a formal, sincere apology at the end. If he doesn't apologize, add another five minutes until he does.
5th time - take an activity away, such as weekend trips with dad or a friend's party.
He'll act like you're killing him, kick, scream, and hold his breath. Theatrics, my friend. Get over it. Stop spoiling him. A little deprivation never hurt anyone.
2007-07-06 19:13:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't confuse ADHD with spoiled like this world does. Bad behavior stems from inconsistency in discipline or when the child has a proven system of getting your attention.
The Nanny Show - where the Nanny comes in and revamps your parenting skills would be a suggestion.
Literally, unprove your child's proven system of negative behavior.
Get counseling for him and for you guys.
If you don't have the time to spend with him...foster a child his age...then you don't have to spend all your time with him. Get a dog...not puppy. Pets are great pass times for kids.
Don't give into your child just to get peace. They pick up on this very early on and will continue to use this method of manipulation on gaining their way every time. It only gets worse.
Boot camp, sports camps with good coaches...run him and train him with consistency.
Boarding school.
If you don't get this into check...his behavior will only get worse.
2007-07-06 18:34:42 · answer #4 · answered by cadvadvocate 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i have three sons, 8 - 6 and 3. I use soap for oral offenses, if the mouth offends, I wash it out. not just for bad words, but tell me no, smart alec remarks, talking back, arguing (of which my 8 yr old does alot of). I think it is an 8 yr old thing. He drives me nuts.
2007-07-07 05:06:50 · answer #5 · answered by deda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's all in good parenting. You need to get into positive reinforcement, not negative. He needs discipline (and I don't mean punishment), a sense of routine, and realizing there are consequences for his actions. You and your husband MUST be consistent, and get the behaviour corrected EVERY time. It's hard work, but this behaviour didn't suddenly appear, but you better hurry up and correct it!
Wish you luck.
2007-07-07 04:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be consistent in your punishment. Let him know that he is the boss of himself and has a decision to make. If he makes the right decision he will be rewarded. praised, commended on his actions.
If he makes the wrong decision, explain the consequences and follow through and be strong. That works more than spanking. Our children are extremely intelligent, they need to learn that they can't play games with us.
As the parent, we need to be the rock.
2007-07-06 18:33:16 · answer #7 · answered by DamionJackson.com 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Read the book Boundaries with Kids by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's by far the best parenting book I've ever read. I read it at least once a year. That will help you more than my advice.
2007-07-06 18:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by Kelley H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's called standing him in a corner!
I did the same thing with my nephew the other day and he shaped up!
The key is inform him is actions are not welcome and that you the parent and he's the child, and his disobediences will not continue to be a presence in you home!
2007-07-07 21:21:28 · answer #9 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You would be disrespectful too if you, your teacher and doctor ALL decided to put you on drugs INSTEAD of finding a way to eliminate the problem!!!
Change the diet - change the behavior!
NO JUNK FOODS, NO MEDICATIONS AND NO SWEETS!!!
2007-07-07 04:23:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋