My boyfriend has broken up with me twice.. We initially were together two and a half years, and he broke it off with no explanation - both times. (The second time we got back together, we hadn't spoken in six months)
So we've been together three months since we last got back together, and now I am really paranoid - for example, if he hasn't made contact with me in a few days, all I can think is "He's going to break up with me again". I can't get angry at him or tell him anything, because i'm afraid saying or doing anything negative will make him break up with me again. I probably shouldn't be with him, but I love him. End of story.
How do I stop the paranoia? I figure, if he's dumped me twice, nothing is stopping him from doing it again. Any tips on ways to talk to him about how I feel without seeming clingy or negative in any way would be appreciated.
ANY tips or even your own stories would be appreciated actually. Sorry i'm just at my wits end.
2007-07-06 16:11:27 · 11 answers · asked by dee_em_cee_472 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to talk to him. I know your situation is complicated but you won't be happy unless you do. What your problem is that it is NOT that your clingy your insecure. You can't stand feeling vulnerable. And who wouldn't be after being dumped twice with no explanation. Which is OK. But you should approach him calmly in a non-threatening way. Sit him down and simply tell him how you feel. If he starts trippin on you then let him go. He obviously doesn't care about you. At least the way you need to be. A relationship is a two way street. If you can't talk to him about how you feel freely then why be with him? Telling a man how you feel is being clingy. Wanting to know his every move, spending all your time together, constantly calling, controlling every aspect of his life....Now that's being clingy. Just talk to him. Good Luck sweetie!!
2007-07-06 16:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by handvict81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your trust in him has been broken twice so you naturally 'fear' he will break it again. Love him? Love is not what you are describing here, when we love another person we feel happy and confident in ourself and them.
No explanation for the two breakups? This is not normal either.
My assessment is that he knows he can treat you badly without explanation, leave you and when he wants back with you he knows you will take him back "because you love him".
Read the books 'Women who love too much' and 'He is just not that into you' and you may get some insight to yourself and the relationship you are in and why you accept this mistreatment of you from him.
Your relationship does not have equal 'power' balance, he has it all and that is why you are describing yourself as you have in your question. These types of relationships are 'abusive' emotionally and can lead to physical and psychological abuse. This relationship is not a 'healthy' one and you have recognised this by what you have written.
Ask yourself this question, If my bestfriend was in a relationship like this and asked this question of me, what would I say to her?
Love yourself first, you are worth it.
2007-07-06 16:35:27 · answer #2 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i know how u feel rite now...i experienced the same feeling as urs before..my love for him was so big that i cant even had a fight with him...i was afraid he would leave me..when he didnt find me or call me, i began to think, 'is he going to leave me again? what should i do ?'...so i called him...and asked him out to find back those sweet feeling again...but again and again i tried to save this relationship, but i failed too...my friends kept yelling at me, saying i was wasting my time with such a lousy man,,,but i just wont listen to them cause i love him very much...he can be very good to u today, but suddenly he wont even care a damn about u the next day...until one day, i cant stand it anymore and i broke up with him..i told him that i cant let myself keep on guessing on what would u do next..im so tired..this is not what i want from u...since u cant make a commitment to me, well i wont waste my time...u go ur way and so do i...after saying all this to him , i feel so carefree..really..there's no burden anymore.. and of course i live more happier than before...and now i'm looking forward for someone better than him...
2007-07-06 16:25:41 · answer #3 · answered by sil3nt_h3art 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to quit putting yourself in such a vulnerable position. In other words, get a life without him. Hang out more with other girls and guys, get your own thing going. Get a hobby, go on a vacation without him. Start going out with your friends to eat or for a cone or to a movie.
It sounds like you are making him too much a part of your life. He is consuming you. You no longer are living your life, you are living for him.
That is not what love is all about. Get your own thing going. You deserve to be happy and so what if he dumps you again, next time you will have your own life without him.
2007-07-06 16:18:47 · answer #4 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best way to handle this is to talk with him and tell him how you feel and accept the consequences. The way i see it, he might be getting bored with you and the only way to get him to respect and love you again is by standing up to yourself and not be afraid of your own shadow...If he breaks up with you again...then move on...there are a lot of guys out there..I know you dont want to hear this...But would you rather be like that for the rest of your life or find the right man for you? someone who will respect you and who will make you happy. think about it.
2007-07-06 16:20:47 · answer #5 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there could be a few reasons depending on the guy. as you already said, for your friend, it is not sex that he keeps running back too. So that is out. One thing could be that he feels bad for her and guilty leaving her. If she is over emotional, it could be that she says things to him like, my life is nothing without you, or i cant go on with life unless i have you, there fore making him feel responsible for those feelings. Another thing could be that maybe he likes being depended on. Maybe he could be going through hell, but he thinks that it is worth it as long as he feels that someone desperately needs him. One other thing could be the type of people she has connections with. Now, i don't know her so i would have no idea, but it could be something like, she has a lot of cute friends and by dating her and putting up with all her crap, you friends looks good to all of these other girls. I could also be that she is just popular and it is not whether or not you like the person and enjoy them, but just being with them because of their social status. hope one of these help!!
2016-05-20 02:52:31 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your better off without him.. you say you love the guy but those he love you more?. .
if he'd love you he'd listen to every word you'd had to say ..
hes broken up with you twice he'll do it again. .
you ask how can i stop the paranoia?
well then dont b with him...
its no easy..
but why do u keep fallin in his trap?
<33
2007-07-06 16:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by <33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
calm down. Learn to trust the guy, but dont forget what has happened. Keep it in mind but also pretend you've forgotten it. If it happens, then it might not hurt as much if you expect it.
2007-07-06 16:16:39 · answer #8 · answered by EyeOnTheHorizon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being clingy, come on your boyfriend is not GOd that you should adore him that much, have a life to live.
2007-07-06 16:18:07 · answer #9 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to improve your self esteem. You don't deserve someone who disses you like that.
2007-07-06 16:15:22 · answer #10 · answered by Pinkie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋