How to keep him from my son???

Question

I am so upset. I broke up with my son's father when I was 2 months pregnant, he called 2 times in that month. I changed my numbers to get away from him. He quit his job, was doing drugs, and did not want to better himself. Now my son is 9 months old and I came home to find a letter on my doorstep that said that he found out about his son and to call him, I did a reverse search on the cell number and he is still living with the same people, and it wasn't even his phone. So he doesn't have a job. I am so scared for me and my son, I don't want him involved in my life. He lives in a very bad neighborhood, and he lives with his brother and his brother's girlfriend and their son who they teach terrible things too. I don't want my son to learn those things, and I don't want him to be in the ghetto, or around his uneducated, and ignorant family. I want so much for my son, and I want my son to have a better life than his father. I don't want my son to know that ghetto lifestyle. HELP!

Please no answers stating what I should have, could have, would have, what I did was in the past and he turned into a different person after I got pregnant.

Answer 1

The problem is you have to show a JUDGE about all this!! YOU can NOT decide what is best for your son when it comes to his father! It is the COURTS decision. The courts can also make him see that he has to start PAYING child support and also CLEAN up!!

The father has rights too!

I am right now helping my fiance fight for better visitation with his two boys from a previous marriage. While there is NOTHING wrong with our life style (other then we are not married) and there is NO legal reason for her to keep them away, she seems to think they are better off without him and has even asked him to sign over his parental rights to her current husband.

But for right now the BEST thing for you to do is to get this in court! First start a petition for child support and sole custody with either SUPERVISED visitation or NO VISITATION. You will have an EASIER time of convincing the judge on SUPERVISED visitation then you will on NO visitation!!!

Unfortunitly though we do live in a society that the mother "seems" to have "more" rights then the father's even though they are the SAME!!!

Best advice START THE COURT PROCIDINGS YOURSELF!! Get on the ball and do it quick before HE wises up and does it too and if he files to take out child support on himself and for visitation rights that will look REALLY good on his part!!

Also, you will NEED proof!! He can prove no job himself (the judge will MAKE him get one so he can PAY) but you will need to prove about the "ghetto" lifestyle you claims he has!!!

Answer 2

First, did you put his name on the birth certificate? If not he will first have to prove paternity. Once he proves paternity then he has to file for custody or visitation. At that point he if he is awarded custody you may end up paying support. If he loses he will need to pay support to you. If he is not working he will have to find a way to get the money. One good trick is to ask the judge to have his wages garnished and ask that he pay the state collector ( not you ) directly. If he falls behind on the support payments he is in contempt of court and he can be put in jail.
But, remember that just cause he does not pay his support you can not deny visitation that is court ordered. You will have to prove that he is an unfit father and that visitation is not in the best interest of the child. Those are the most important words for you, the courts and your child...."what is in the best interest of the child".
Legal defense may be able to help and you can go to the county clerks office or your states legal self help page to get a lot of the forms you will need to fight him with. There are some things that you should have a lawyers advice on though. Even if you can not afford to have one represent you in court have a meeting with one for advice and direction. they will charge you for an hour or two consultation and that usually is not a lot of money.
And you don't have to answer his calls. He can say what he wants on the phone and ask all the questions he wants. Make him make the first move of proving paternity! You can always hint that it may be someone elses baby and if he is the bum that you say he is he will disapear when the going gets tough. If he is genuinly interestred in parenting this child with love and consistancy then it will be in the childs best interest that you allow him to be what he SHOULD be. Every child deserves and needs a father. They don't need a a person who lives like a thug though.

Answer 3

You dont have to allow this. You can get a restraining order against him and if he comes within a certain range of you or your son he would go to jail or something of the like. I had a friend do this. If he takes it to court(which from the situation doesnt sound likely but could happen) you could prove the danger to you and your son. If you accept child support then he will be able to see him so I'd advise against it.

However, you're son does need a male role model but dont go looking for a man just for him. It could be an uncle (if you have a brother) , grandpa, or even someone at a local church that you trust. If you do find someone for yourself remember that even he is your son your husband comes first. I pray God gives you wisdom and understanding in this situation and I hope everything works for the best. I am proud that someone cares about their child. God Bless

Answer 4

I know this sounds mean but perhaps you should have thought about that before having a baby with him. It is also his child and you have NO RIGHT to take that away from him. You can't have the father visit at your home or somewhere else? What are you going to tell your child when he gets older and asks why daddy isn't around? Are you going to tell him that daddy was uneducated and lived in the ghetto, so you can't see him. That is not fair to you child. It sounds like you have given up on your child having a father when you were 2 months pregnant.

Edit: So, he changed after you got pregnant. He was once educated and lived in a very nice neighborhood. Once you got pregnant he moved to the ghetto and lost his education. I honestly do not see how someones education status and where they live automatically make them a bad parent and now should have no rights to their child.

Answer 5

You can get free legal help from legal aid, if you need it. You need to get a restraining order and also have an attorney draw up papers concerning the father, i.e., that you have full custody, etc. If the father tries to get visitation rights, you can show proof and demand that they be supervised visits. That's where you take the child to a neutral,supervised place for visits.
But FIRST, get the restraining order. He sounds like bad news and he is obviously stalking you.
You DO NOT have to live that way.
You are a good Mom.

Answer 6

Then you do whatever it takes to protect you and your child. It sounds like you have the right idea. You just need to follow through with it. Get a temporary protection order, then file for custody. If all the things you are saying are correct, then you should have no problem convincing a court. Good luck.

Answer 7

A father has legal rights, but you can contest them if you believe he is a danger to your son (more than just the mental, and perceived danger you will have to prove something). I would contact a family lawyer to see what you can do if anything. In the mean time I would ignore he note as though you did not get it and see what he does, how bad does he want to see his son?

Answer 8

Well get a resraning order. And just the dad that since he did not do anything in your son's life that now is not the time.

Answer 9

Well, this is going to be difficult because by law he has rights to his son. What you have to do is prove to the court why he is an unfit parent and they might give him supervised visitation. Good luck!

Answer 10

If the "sperm-donor" is that bad off he wont do what it takes to be in your sons life. If he does cause you problems get yourself a woman lawyer and she will know exactly what to do.