Is there something wrong with me?

Question

Or is it just a stage of grief?

I am 15 years old and my father passed away a little over a year ago. I still feel pretty numb yet I still hurt so so much. I don't cry about it though. Is something wrong with me?

Like I try not to think about him, is that bad? Or should I respond to my feelings rather than chase them away? Because I hate going into the sad states to where I don't want to do anything at all. When I do cry, it is just a few tears and I'm good.

When I am out some place public, and I see or hear about something that reminds me of him, I start to get teary eyed and I have to hold it in. Do I want to cry more because I am in public and when I am alone it is easier to deal with my thoughts and emotions? I feel bad for not crying over him being gone but that doesn't mean I am not horribly sad, because I am. Or is this just a normal state of grief? Is it just my own way of coping? Because I refuse to think about it. I am female, by the way, if that would make a difference.Ty

To the Kris person, no, I am NOT getting over it. I am not an adult who lost their parent, I am a kid who lost their parent. I am anything BUT getting over his death. I am still numb so there is more to come. My pain is incredible and it is going to take YEARS AND YEARS to finally deal with this. Sorry but I belive that you are wrong. Thanks anyway.

Answer 1

My father died when I was about your age. I reacted the same way as you. It turned out, it wasn't the best.

It would be better to set aside a little "alone time" every night, or every couple of days, to spend "feeling" things about him. Allow 1/2 hour or so. Just be alone & think whatever thoughts about him, good or bad, memories, etc. Then cry all you can. I think that will help you get over him, better.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss... Grief is such a deeply personal thing. No-one can tell you whats right or wrong. It also takes a long time to get over something like this and the mind is good at pushing hurtful emotions into the background so you are able to continue with life. The only advice I can give is to be yourself. It sounds like you do grieve for your dad in your own way, when you're in public and something reminds you of him, you feel sad and cry. That's perfectly normal. Don't forget denial plays a large part in it too. Its normal to not want to believe the truth because it hurts. This will all take time. Time heals. You'll never forget your father but the ache lessons, I cant say it ever goes away though. Remember the good times if that helps you to feel less guilty about not feeling sad and crying. Good luck and be well!

Answer 3

There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with you. You have lost something that you can't get back and at times it gets overwhelming. I think you should get a journal and write down the things you loved most about your dad, so someday you have that to pass on to your kids. When you have your moments about something that reminds you about him, write it down so you never lose it. My husband's dad died when he was sixteen - he was very ill. He kept his emotions in and to this day has only visited his grave once (we live 8 1/2 hours from it, but still). He doesn't talk much about it and I think that is unhealthy. I think you need to write about your dad, talk about your dad, and definitely validate your feelings. Have you seen a counselor or do you have anyone you can just cry with? My dad tried to commit suicide several years ago - I went to a counselor and the first three sessions, all I did was cry. By the fourth session, I was ready to talk about it - but I felt so much better. I also read your question about the ring - I think you should tuck it away and not change it in any way. Maybe when you are alone and missing him, you could hold it and know he is with you. I'm so sorry for your loss.......if you live in PA I would honestly help you. I used to be a teacher - you could possibly get some help that direction too....

Answer 4

There's no right or wrong way to cope with your fathers passing. Becoming teary eyed when you see or hear something reminding you of your father is from being overwhelmed and anxious. Every ones unique and there's nothing wrong with you. We are all wired a little different from the next person so keeping your head up and seeing all the things you've accomplished and reflecting on the good times will enable you to pull through. Talking to someone always helps because keeping it inside just masks the issue instead of addressing it..

Answer 5

Everything you are experiencing is normal. You are grieving and going through a difficult time in your life.

You are never going to be the same person you were before your dad died and to some extent, you will always feel his loss.

There are days when it is going to be easier to deal with the loss of your father and days that will not be so easy. He will always be a part of you - he is a part of you when you laugh and a part of you when you cry and a part of you when you feel numb or are confused and don't know what to do or think.

We all cope with things differently. Just because someone else grieves one way doesn't mean that you are going to do the same. Talking about your feelings helps a great deal. Is there a school councelor or someone you could talk to? - a friend, a friend's parent, teacher, mentor, mother, grandparent, aunt, therapist, etc?

I wish you all the best.

*HUGS*

Answer 6

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve. People grieve in their own way and in their own time. I would not worry about the way you grieve. You know what the triggers are that bring on the feelings of sadness. And you say after a few tears you feel better. Just remember that time will be your friend and you will remember mostly only the good stuff and the bad stuff about it will not hurt so much. It is not an easy thing to lose a parent, so don't expect too much of yourself so soon. Just try to continue on with your school activities and get with your friends and enjoy the things that make you happy. That will also help. Good Luck my dear.

Answer 7

It could be just the way you are coping with it. Losing a father is not an easy thing to deal with.

There is nothing wrong with crying. If you feel like crying would help your situation then you shouldn't hold back tears.

You will always carry that with you. But as you get older and things start returning to normal you will think about him less and less. But you will always carry him with you.

I am sure he wouldn't want to see you burdened by his memory your whole life.

Perhaps you should talk to someone about it. Not a therapist, but maybe a close friend. Just let all of your true emotions out.

If you need to talk you can contact me. Seriously...I'll listen.

Answer 8

I lost my Mom 6 years ago and I still think about her with sadness. It does get better though and one day you will be able to think of your Dad without crying or getting depressed.

Your grief is really new and you are young and it's hard to process the whole situation and the hugeness of it all. I found what worked for me was to keep a journal about my feelings and thoughts whenever it would hit me. Getting it out is good, because it means you are dealing with his death. At some point whether you get it out now or later, you will eventually need to get it out.

There are great support groups online that might help you in connecting with others going through what you are.

I am sorry you have to experience this and for the loss of your Dad.

Answer 9

Woman or not death does affect us all. My father died while I was overseas with a new wife and grandchild he never got to meet. This has been over 20 years and yes at times I still think about him.and wonder about how life would have been had things been different, but we cannot change what has happened. The old saying of time heals all wounds is true, though you will always remember him (I hope you do) the pain of loss will lesson as time goes on. Your way of coping with it is normal, must of been a really good man, and father, hope I am remembered that way when my time has come. Not crying does not mean you do not miss him it just means you are dealing with the loss. I am sure he is proud of you, and God bless you.

Answer 10

Everyone has their own way of going through the grieving process. I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with you. It's just your way of grieving. Maybe your grieving a little at a time instead of all at once. As long as you are able to continue your life in a somewhat normal manner, then just continue what you're doing. Little moments at a time. I'm not going to tell you it gets easier with time, because you'll always miss him. I lost my dad 3 years ago and I miss him terribly. I, too, dealt with little moments at a time(and still am). I think the grieving process takes longer this way, but that doesn't mean it's not normal.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I wish you the best. Take care.