Best joke gets ten pionts?

Question

Amuse me

Answer 1

lucy is 40 years old

lucy:bob hunny how old do i look with my new hairstyle shoes and clothes?

bob:the hair looks like an 18 year old.the shoes 20 year old. and the clothes a 27 year old

lucy:oh hunny u really think so.

bob:im not done adding them up yet.

Answer 2

I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM!!!!!!!!


Q: Why did the blonde have to drink a hot pepsi?
A: Because she couldn't fit any ice into the bottle.

The blonde couldn't call 911 because she couldn't find the 11 button on the phone.

The blonde couldn't work at the pharmaceutical company because she couldn't fit the bottles in the typewriter.

The blonde got burnt bobbing for french fries.

The blonde couldn't go water skiing because she couldn't find a lake with a slope on it.

The blonde thought the capital of California was "C".

The blonde returned a scarf because she thought it was too tight.

The blonde tore off the side of her house that had a fireplace, and blew up her neighbors house because her gas fireplace wouldn't work.

The blonde asked for illegal drugs at the salvation army,the state prison, and at the hospital.

The blonde asked for directions to her neighbors house.

The blonde thought that Mardi Gras was a French wine.

The blonde went to Italy to see if she could buy the "lovely boot" she saw on the map.

How do you regonize a blonde in school?
They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Answer 3

A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

Answer 4

a blonde was driving down the road and noticed another blonde in the grass in a boat and fishing
so she pulled over and yelled to the blonde in the boat
"its blondes like u that gives us bad names. if u wernt out in a boat i would come kick ur ***."
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A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion.He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and,near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read,
"Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read
"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As heplummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read,
"Chinese Torture3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
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how many emo's does it take to change a lightbulb?
0 they just sit in the dark and cry about it

Answer 5

theres these 3 duck that walks in to a bar and goes up to were the bar tender is and the bartender says to the first duck whats ur name. the duck say im dewy and the bartender said what have u been doing the duck says i 've been walking on puddles all day. i'll have a beer

the bartender goes to the 2nd duck and says whats ur name. and the duck say my name is dewy the bartender says what have u been doing the duck said i've been walking on puddles all day. i'll have a beer.

the bartender goes to the 3rd duck and says let me geuss ur name is dewy. and the duck says no i'm puddles.

Answer 6

Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go."

Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him.

The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??"

Again, Bob makes love to a bear.

The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before.

This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?" 10 pts please. Have a star

Answer 7

If a little quiz a quizicle, is a little test a testicle?

Answer 8

sorry, these are kind of gross, but:

What's worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
- Parts of one dead baby nailed to 10 trees.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
- Depends on how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mercedes benz?
- I don't have a mercedes in my garage.

gross but amusing, i guess.......

Answer 9

you spelled points wrong!