(Real) Christians ONLY: How do you handle a situation when a friend tells lies about you?

Question

serious question.
How do you deal with a friend (more specifically a Christian "mentor" has really let you down) --- How do you get over the fact that you can't look at that person in the same light because they've totally dis-credited themselves.

(Looking to forgive and move on)

I walked into my Youth Leader's house, where her underage daughter was having a booze party (which she knew about and allowed to go on).... I went to my pastor, concerned about the public witness of this aspect (considering our church does not endorse drinking at all)... She denied it; Lied...said I made all of it up...accused me of many things...Eventually we confronted in front of clergy, her daughter admitted truth, she admitted truth (that she did, in fact 'know, and permitted it to go on') --- but would not apologize for saying the hurtful things to me and lying about me to the clergy...I have not been able to look at her in the same light since...She burned me bad.

It sort of changes your view on things when Leaders do stupid things like this.

*Martin S, I did go to her first --- on two other occasions; seperate situations. This 'leader' has gone down hill significantly...(backslidden I mean)

***Dave777, don't be afraid to speak your mind. I'm not looking for a cheer leading squad (It's okay to dissagree with me)...I'm merely seeking advice as to HOW to move on.

btw People, I am a Volunteer Youth Worker working under this woman's ministry (Consider her equivalent to supervisory person over Youth Ministries and superintendent of sunday school). That's why it is so hard...

oh, and in case I haven't mentioned already my clergy supported my decision to go to him. In fact he was grateful that it was brought to his attention.

Answer 1

In reading all you have writtem, it almost shames me to be a youth minister.
However if she is condoning her daughters life style, she should either step down or be asked to step down. I think you handled this well. Even ministers need to be held accountable. I am sorry this happened to you.

However, if I may advise you, while she is called to be set apart and live her life as holy, "lest she causes any of these little one's to stumble" she is still human and makes stupid mistakes. However, never make the mistake to place any minister or person in leadership on a pedistal. We will let you down. Keep your focus on God, He will NEVER let you down.
Praying for you as you seek a way to forgive.
May the Lord your God bless you today and always!

Answer 2

The easiest thing to do would be to do the same thing back to them, but you definatley can't do that. You would be the exact same as them. I know it's hard when someone you look up to lets you down. Trust me I know from experience. It will be hard to forgive them, but you have to. You can't hold on to grudges. Pray that God will show you how to handle this in the right way. Don't take things in your own hands. It will only make matters worse. Maybe that person had a bad day. There could be more behind this than you think. Take a moment to talk to this person, let them know how you feel. It might help.

Answer 3

If you've caught them in lies, then I say you should talk to them. Let them know as lovingly as possible that you don't think they are making the right decisions by lying. I know it's hard when you lose trust in someone that you looked up to, but you need to remember that no one but Jesus is perfect and we are all going to make mistakes. You can't put your trust in anyone, including yourself, but God. If the only thing this person has done is lied about you once then, you might be able to work things out. If this person has done it over and over, I say it's probably time to find someone else to help you grow as a Christian. Let them know you forgive them, but you are disappointed in their actions. I pray that you find peace about this situation and remember not everyone is like that. Pray about it and ask God for peace of mind. God bless.

Answer 4

You should have gone to her first and not to the Pastor.

Matthew 18:15 "And if your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not hear, take along with you one or two more, so that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 But if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the assembly. But if he refuses even to hear the assembly, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax collector.

All you would have had to do would be to tell her your concerns and get her to agree not have such a party again. Now what you have to do according to Jesus is to forgive her after you apologize for not taking the matter up with her first instead of going and tattling.

Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Answer 5

You must confront this person. Openly would be the wise way. Tell them what you know and how you feel respectfully. Let them know that you forgive them and that you can no longer trust or associate with them at this point. Basically, Let Go, and Let God!

Answer 6

Confront the person in Christ tell him/her how hurt you are and that you have to start building trust up from the bottom.

Pray with the person and if he/she won't deal with you either "shake the dust from your feet" or "take it to the church." A warning: If you take it to the church,be prepared for explosions( I've been there).

Pray for that preson and turn the situation over (and over and over,if necessary) to the Lord.

Answer 7

Happened to me. I never trusted him again. Actually I stopped going to that church. I don't doubt God, but I don't feel comfortable with that church any longer. I am currently looking for a new one. You might want to confront them on the matter. If nothing satisfactory is said, you might consider doing what I did. God bless.

Answer 8

You have to confront them about the issue. Do so lovingly and let them know you're disappointed. Try to resolve the issue, but if not you forgive them and go on from there. Tough to do, but necessary. God forgives us unconditionally and calls upon us to do the same.

Answer 9

I will move on and pray and I ask God to help me to forgive the person. I do not want bitterness get root in my heart.

Pray for them to come to the truth and repentans.

Answer 10

First of all,your christian mentor should be Jesus Christ. Don't put any trust in men,they will always let you down. Flesh is weak and prone to sin and decay. Trust God's Word only..