how come i feel lonely and empty and needy inside, and ive been rejected by most people throughout my life?

Question

i have borderline personality disorder, im 30, been through alot of trauma and have never made any friends or relashionships in life......ive never had a job because of my problems, never been close to someone or never had a girlfriend....i seriously feel times running out on me...everyday is lonely for me, sat here, everynight in my one bedroom apartment..feeling desperatly, desperatly, acutley isolated and alone...i feel very needy all the time, like the great need for intamacy and closeness that a relashionship would bring......i have dreams and ambitions i dont no how to reach..to emigrate from england yo the usa or canada...to find a loving partner, a cute chubby farm girl, because that my preference..to feel happy and secure in my own home...these are my dreams, theres no way i wanna stay in the uk, NO way, so please dont say i do..its like no one cares about me or my dreams..im waiting for therapy, but im not sure it can help..i have made a few friends on here yahoo answers but

they never contact me on here, or seem to
wanna talk to me...i worry ill never accomplish
what i want, all the things i would like and have
jut described to you....everyones turned on me
and know one gives a damn...only person who
does is my mum and she just says take oneday
at a time...i feel so hopeless and unmotivated
whats the point in therapy anyway, its not like
im guarenteed ill recover, and its not like theres a
loving girl wanting me to get well, spurring me on.
i feel empty and alone, and (extremely angry) that no
one ive made contact on the internet with, contacts me.

can anyone relate to how im feeling?

Answer 1

Learn to love yourself.

Therapy will help but only if you are ready and willing to fully participate.

In the meantime, write letters to those that you feel have let you down, telling thme how you feel. You don't have to send them, but it will help you to get out what is inside.

Remember it is only you that holds the key to your destiny.

Good luck

Answer 2

Yes, I can relate. I will tell you too in all honesty, you need therapy,and _you_ need to do the work that the therapist will require from you in order to help you. Don't stall, which is easy to say:but don't let your negativity and apathy persuade you to pass on it. Nothing is going to happen for you unless you are willing to take the first small steps- pick up the phone, keep an appointment, go for a walk around the block-or even half a block (excercise is a powerful antidepressent.) There is no point in coming to the US before you get therapy. You would drown in a sea of red tape, the kind which even "normal" people have difficulty tolerating.
You won't get the help you need in this fee-for-service economy without the paperwork either, and even then you'd have to wait for it. And, the hardest thing to realize is - when you get to the US, you'll still be there. I mean, the dream that you can change, that everything will be better, if you move sure isn't uncommon- trust me, I tried it often enough.
Too, if you feel exceptionally needy, it tends to show, which frightens off healthy people, and attracts some pretty sick ones. Can you honestly say that, right now, you could form a relationship in which both peoples' needs are being met?
Please don't think that I am saying that you won't realize your dreams. You can! But you have work to do at home first.
I'll keep you in my thoughts, hang in there, you _can_ do it!

Answer 3

If you have borderline personality disorder it is very important that you do have therapy. It took a lot of negative experiences to cause it and it will take time to manage your condition. It probably won't go away entirely but your life can be much better. We are learning more about treatments all the time.

I work in mental health and I would always say to someone that it's important to remember that it's not your fault that you've got this problem but you will only get better if you take responsibility for doing that and accept the help people can give you along the way.

A good therapist will help with social skills. The range of Behavioural therapies and Cognitive Behaviouoral Therapy help best with borderline conditions and a lot of that is about going out and practising new ways to cope with situations - with support.

I think that other posters are right that in everyday social situations you are giving off either 'needy' or 'keep away' signals that you are unaware of. It is often a surprise to find out how people 'read' your behaviour (at a lesser level I found that being shy in some situations was interpreted as aloof). I think the answers here show how differently people can interpret behaviour.

Please, please go for your therapy - you won't get better with out it but you could do very well with it.

Answer 4

Hi. In addition to your ? I read your favorite poem. It was pretty good, in my opinion. I give a damn. I am 38. I also, have Bi polar, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, among other things. Yes counseling and a good psychiatrist will help. There are things you can do to help yourself also. Even though you may not feel like it. Force yourself to do a little more at a time. Listen to cheerful or peppy music, watch a comedy, get out in the sunshine. Get out of your house, do different activities, You will meet different people (talk to them about the activity, their interest, your interest, etc.), Breath, eat 6 small well balanced meals a day, and exercise (especially when you are upset). The last 3 are vital to thinking clearly, mental health, and physical health. Also, study and apply positive thinking, self control, and improving your self esteem. When you are upset exercise or some other physical activity will help. Think about all different points of view, consider the circumstances, etc. This will help you to be rational. These will all help over time. Any medication they give you , it may take a while to find the right one(s) for you. It effects everyone differently. Please be patient and don't give up. These things take time. If you want someone to talk to. You can talk to me or one of your other contacts. How you are feeling is NOT unusual. There are a lot of people who only care about their selves. However, not everyone is like that. As far as, your dreams. You can make them come true. You are in control of your own life. Do not let others destroy your dreams. You can do all of this. GL Your friend. - Ann

Answer 5

Rejection is an awful phenomenon, but it is more reflective of the wider community's ills and sicknesses, given the despairing possibilities that society has to offer. But, as a member of the same community, we have to rise above it, all the time, remembering also of the societal-labels and related stereotypes that we are given but do not necessarily have to accept. This having been said we should also remember that perceptions are not an indicator of the truth. Which thus implies you have every reason to rise above it and, instead, look to the fruitful, positive, possibilities in life that are relevant and are on offer to you. Instead, by going with the flow, and taking one day at a time, it is possible to achieve and be what you want to be and not what every one else wants you to be. That is, to be what you want to be, so that you can you be the man you are supposed to be, within what is clearly an imperfect world. Therefore, have you considered, that may be, some of the expectations that other people may have of you are a little unrealistic at this time, until you can be who want to be?

Answer 6

Why not try getting out more? If you don't have a community centre near you, try volunteering at a local charity. If you want to meet people you have to make an effort. I know sitting at home seems to be the easiest option but it won't help you in the long run neither will leaving the UK. Is your mum in the UK? Would you want to leave her behind? All I can suggest is Chin up, things can only get better. Try and have a positive attitude and the rest will follow. Good Luck x x

Answer 7

I know too, life seems useless at times but i can asure you it gets better. I was in the same place as you 3 yrs ago i had help from friends, family, doctors and all the rest of the professional people. I talked to them so much and most probably burnt there ear of but they understand and they will do all they can to help you.
I have Bipolar you need to start living and stop hiding, i know it is hard but your mum is right take one day at a time.
Try not to think of tomorrow or next week, just think when you get up in the morning that today i am going to acheive this " walk down my path" then try another thing the following day " today i am going to phone (Freind/family)" If they dont answer fine YOU TRIED.
Write evrything down you do, feelings and thoughts you can go back and read them another time when you are feeling better and this will in itself make you feel better.

Try to go out once a week or if that is too much once a month.
Give yourself goals, take your mum to the shop with you to buy milk. Yippeeeeeeee i bought milk, you will be thinking to yourself.

Stop thinking about other people, what they think or do is there problem not yours, dont take it to heart it is not worth it mate, life is to short to be fretting over pople who dont want to know you or are afraid to speak to you because they cant handle the situation.
It is there problem what pther people think, say and do you have no control over that.

I am now working ( i never thought i would), and i do so much agian i though i would be stuck inthe house 24/7. I would not answer the phone it used to scare me, but now i race the kids to the phone, and yes i too am 31 yrs old.
You will get what you want, it takes time and alot of effort on your behalf darling, medication doctors and family can only do so much i am afraid.

Good luck for your future and you do have one.

Answer 8

The worst thing you can do is not do anything to overcome the issues you are facing. You say people don’t care... well that can’t be true, usually people will avoid contact because they don’t know how to help you, but here over 18 people have responded to your question. So you see - people do care. I’m glad you expressed your feelings. The first thing you should do is pursue therapy. Plan your day and make yourself as active as you can, take walks everyday, do volunteer work, you’ll help others and feel good about yourself doing it. Read self help books (I’m including a link to Amazon where you can read portions of the book “Feeling Good” online). Maybe you could join a book club, look around for similar activities in your area. Don’t worry so much about finding a girlfriend for now, a woman will fall in love with the way you make her feel about herself. You can’t make someone feel good about them self, if you don’t feel good about yourself. So concentrate for now on you, your self esteem, becoming active, getting therapy and “Feeling Good”.

Answer 9

I think that when you begin your therapy it will help you loads. Until then i think it would help you loads if you began to try and like yourself. I would recommend that you jot down ten things about you that are good, it could be you make a great cuppa tea, or you fold washing up well. It doesn't matter what it is just jot them down and read them through. This may help you. Have you thought about a hobby, joining a club, like book club or bird watching. Or try a spot of volunteering at your local charity shop, that's a great way to feel good about yourself and meet new people and make friends. You really can't be as bad as what you think you are, just try and get out of the house a bit more, the rest will follow.

Answer 10

Really! Forget about your wants and needs, there are other people out there just the same. There are many people out in the world with unfullfilled wants and needs.

Why not go out and find them, there are many charities supporting some of these people. Some may be in their own homes, some may be in hospital, some may be in prison - whatever. Somebody, somewhere needs you, and you will be filling your life with something satisfying. You will also be giving yourself a good chance of finding someone else - an empathetic person to share your life with. Go for it. You will also find yourself.

I came to China 7 years ago and discovered a wonderful people - not perfect by any means - but I also discovered much more about myself.

PERSONALLY - I DON'T CONTACT ANYONE ON THE INTERNET. MAYBE MANY OTHERS ARE LIKE ME. VERY CAREFUL.

Answer 11

Unfortunately, what we are feeling inside, sometimes are transmitted outside. You may be putting out "stay away" signals without even knowing it. The next time you go grocery shopping or ride the bus, or do anything in public, put on a big smile and begin a conversation with someone. Friendships have to be made, they don't just mysteriously appear. You have to put yourself out there and try to make friends. It isn't easy for anyone, so stop thinking you are alone in that. As far as feeling happy and secure in your own home, home is what you make of it. If you are willing to put up with these feelings of isolation, you'll never venture in to anything new or different. Good Luck!!!!