my adult daughter & son live at home w/me and got into an altercation (physical). My daughter called the police and placed a restraining order on him which now he had to move from my home and I feel bad because he is homeless. I believe he attacked her physically first and she retalliated to protect herself. He asks to come take showers and says he sleeps wherever he can find a place. He is 21 and never been away from home and is having trouble finding employment so I give him some money for food. Am I wrong? to help him, and should I ask her to cancell the order?
2007-07-06 10:41:05 · 26 answers · asked by sissytwo 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Why dont you just kick her out? Its your house, isnt it? Kicking her out will give your son a place to live... and it might actually give her incentive to lift the order.
Siblings fight all the time... and I doubt that this warrants a restraining order.
But if he really did "attack" her, you should be thankful he isnt in jail... and she did the right thing, especially since she chose not to file to prosecute (only out of familial devotion, loyalty and love). Things could be worse, and she did her part to both protect herself and her brother.
2007-07-06 10:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a spoiled brat for a son. He is an adult, should never have assaulted his sister. Look at her side, she felt fear of injury from him. Yet you want him to move back in and act as if nothing happened. He needs to get a job, maybe go in the military to get some manners and learn to be a grown person. You can't coddle him and at the same time risk alienating your daughter. Sure you should give him some money for food, but don't pay his way.
The restraining order is between your ADULT KIDS. They need to work that out without you getting in the middle.
2007-07-06 14:23:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, you are in the middle of a terrible situation! You probably don't want to hear this, but you should absolutely NOT tell your daughter to cancel the restraining order. Your son is not behaving in a mature manner. He has shown violence toward his sister! He needs to man up, get a job, and become responsible. You are his mother and care about him....nonetheless; he has to stay gone. You did not say how old your daughter is. It is your job to protect the children you have living in your home from harm. You can't turn around and let your son back in after an assault. This is my job and I don't have enough information to fully help you. Just sense that is outside of the problem. Nana
2007-07-06 10:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could help him find an affordable apartment and then help him find a job. You could also ask your daughter to do the same. Some counselling might be helpful for both of them, since there are obviously some unresolved issues between them. If your daughter cancels the order and they have not resolved their issues, history will repeat itself. They would both do well to figure out what happened, and then move on to the next stage in their lives, which is living away from home.
2007-07-06 10:45:20 · answer #4 · answered by Liza 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong for sheltering your adult children. They sound like spoiled brats who need to grow up and realize they're taking advantage of their mother. They need to live their own lives, and you're only damaging the natural order of things by letting them stay with you. You're trying to help, but they need tough love. It is not difficult to find a job, don't listen to your son. He's either not trying or being too picky.
Give them an ultimatum: drop the restraining order, and you'll let them both have 3 months to get a job and a studio apartment, then they're BOTH out. If they're smart, they'll work together on this one.
And STAND YOUR GROUND. They are adults and need to have the skills to care for themselves.
2007-07-06 10:49:22 · answer #5 · answered by Mother Inferior 9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a mom. Mom's are suppose to be there in good times and bad and mom's forgive anything a child does. I think what you are doing is fine. How long has it been since the incident? Talk your daughter and tell her how this is making you feel and try to get some family couseling if you can, if not then ask your daughter if you all can sit down and talk and see if they can work things out bc it is making you sad and you would like all of you to be a family again. Good Luck.
2007-07-06 10:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by lissette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 21, it is time for him to be an adult and find a job. Yes I do believe your daughter should drop the restraining order. That is just not right. there family.
2007-07-06 10:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your situation, but your daughter had every right to have a restraining order put on her brother if he attacked her. I know you have trouble seeing your son like this, but it sounds like he could use some anger management counseling. Maybe he could find a place in a shelter til he can resolve his anger management problems.
2007-07-06 10:46:44 · answer #8 · answered by bitadkins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is your home and both of your children were living with you Than I would explain to your Daughter that she is living in your home and your son has a right to to be there as much as she does, and you are not taking sides and you don't condone fighting but Your son has the right to come home.
2007-07-06 12:39:54 · answer #9 · answered by Julie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the bum to a homeless shelter, and when he can get it together, they can go to counseling if they want to work things out. If not then it may be for the best.I've been working since I was 15.I don't ask others to take care of me and he needs to learn how to do the same.I know jobs are hard to find he may have to move, but do NOT drop the restraining order.He needs to learn there are rules and when they are broken they are consequences.It seems your going to have to do the job his parents failed to do by making him grow up.
2007-07-06 11:05:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋