child abuse?, what do i do?

Question

my son and his girl friend have seperated, not his choice, he has 2 kids , one nearty 3 and the other nearly 2. we have one child for 2 day during the week, the other over the weekend. i would love to have the two of them but at the same time, but the are uncontrolable and just bounce of each other, and i am up at 5,.30am each morning. ,,, any way the eldest lad, said mummy hit me. you can see the hand marks on his legs, 4 hours later, don't want to course a stink by phoning social services, but he is not the same kid, for the past few weeks, all he keeps saying is no, no, no screaming, i try to make a joke of it, but he still shouts NO, jack don't do that , NO HE SCREAMS. GET OFF ME. HE ,he doesn't even want to

have any cuddles, maybe it is the split up. but all she seemed to do is scream at the kids, even when my son was with her, the neighbours told my son after they split, i am woorid about there welfare, but don't want to jeopodise my sons access to kids, if it ill founded

Answer 1

in the US we can call anonymously. no one has to know who called.

Answer 2

I am a social worker and worked in Children and Families services for 3 years. I have had to remove children from the care of their parents due to abuse, and it is not something done lightly. Neither do children usually thank you initially for it I have to say, even though they are being abused, as to them, their parents are their world and you (social worker) are the enemy.
Foster care has its own problems too.

I don't know which country you are in, or which laws apply. In this country, what you describe in terms of the physical punishment would be regarded as abuse. The 'constant' screaming at the children would also be regarded as abusive.

You have identified that the children are behaving differently, which is not in itself a sign of abuse and you must be clear about that. Children who go through divorce or separation usually show signs of distress and a marked change in their behaviour. This is particularly the case if their parents are in distress and arguing with each other. Children who are being abused will also show changes in their behaviour. You say the children are reluctant to have physical contact, again it is not possible to jump to conclusions as children react differently under stress. Could it be possible that your sons ex has bad mouthed you to the children?

You didn't say how long ago it was that they separated, but you did say you noticed changes in the last few weeks in your grandchildren. Does that change coincide with their separation? Or has someone new come on the scene? Or perhaps the parents relationship has suddenly worsened due to an incident or some legal proceeding? How well do you get on with your son and his ex? I totally understand your concern that you will loose contact with your children, that is valid and reasonable, but for the welfare of your grandchildren, I do not feel it is an option to do nothing.

So then, what to do? What would I do? That is difficult.
The first thing I would do is speak to my son. Express my concern and see if he shares them. Then, depending on your relationship with her, possibly speak to his ex too. Mediation services sound like they are required for this couple and support for the parents.

But you have seen physical marks left by what you are told is physical punishment. It is easy to jump to conclusions and demand that children are removed immediately. This is not always necessary or the answer. Without much more information and a full assessment it is impossible to surmise what might be needed in this case.

My advise to you would be to speak to your son and his ex first, today. See if there is anything that you can do as a family to improve the situation and quickly. If you are still worried and nothing changes very soon, I don't think you have much of an option but to call social services. While your sons ex may be angry at first, the first response from social services is usually to provide assessment, support, advice and services. It sounds like no-ones life is much fun right now, and maybe, with a little help, this may improve.

Answer 3

This is your grandson's safety and well-being at stake here. Cause the stink. If his behavior has drastically changed and he's coming over with hand prints that last for hours, he is being abused. Do you want to be the one guilty of letting it continue? Call Social Services and tell them you are concerned. Don't even use the word abuse... just tell them exactly what you observe... that your grandson has come over from his mother's with handprints that last for hours, and he is acting very differently for the last few weeks, screaming if anyone comes near him. Tell them only what you have directly observed! I hope you all can get things figured out in the best interest of the children!

Answer 4

did you just say you "don't want to cause a stink?" what is wrong with you? If someone is abusing a child the last thing you should be worried about is "causing a stink." Geez. Pick up the phone.

Answer 5

Does your son know about this?.....talk to his mom let her know that you see that your grandson is acting different, ask her if there has been any type of change in the house....then if you notice any visible marks or his attitude is worsen then call social services.

Answer 6

You need to talk to your son about this right away. If she is abusing his kids (this happens sometimes when people break up) he needs to do something right now. He should inform the authorities himself if this is true. He must be prepared to know the kids might be better off with him, but foremost, the abuse must stop.

Answer 7

I've worked with social services before... You def. need to call the authorities if you EVER suspect a problem... This child will thank you if you are right...

Answer 8

If you say he is acting different, then he is being abused to the point where it is affecting his social skills. he needs a counselor and you need to talk to social services.

Answer 9

think of the child if he is no acting the same than something is wrong proctect him if his own parents dont do it than who will? call someone and them what is happing take picture so you can have proof i hope i help!

Answer 10

Cause the stink.

The child may live (and the mother too) to say thank you.