Am I wrong to want to slap my fiance in public when he embarasses me?

Question

This happens every few months. Today we were out eating at Quizno's, after waiting so long for food I told him I was going to go sit down. He yelled my name to the other side "COME GET YOUR FOOD, WTF WERE YOU THINKING".

I don't know why he couldn't have brought my food. Everyone in line just stared at me like I did something wrong. It was so degrading as a female.

Should I have slapped him?

I didn't look at him or talk during lunch.

Answer 1

With him talking to you like this, and you slapping him it sounds like both of you don't have much respect for the other one. You should never hit someone (even slap), and he shouldn't talk to you this way. I would strongly recommend couples counseling before you get married!

Answer 2

Slapped him? No. There are things that would hurt more.

Honestly, though, this guy needs a serious wake up call if he thinks this is okay to do even once every few months.

Don't raise the stakes by physically assaulting him, and yes, slapping him would be a physical assault. But make darn sure he knows this is not something you're going to put up with. Let him know the next time it happens, you're removing yourself from the situation...and then do it. If his response is in any way violent or agressive, then remove yourself from the relationship for good.

He needs to understand that this is NOT appropriate behavior EVER. And you need to know you don't have to put up with it EVER.

Answer 3

You were wrong to raise your hand to him, however he was equally wrong for talking down to you. GOD didn't put us here to be punching bags for each other. I don't know how long the two of you have been together, but it seems to me that you two are starting into an abusive relationship. Both verbally AND physically.

You shouldn't lower yourself to his level. He didn't show any respect to you, but in your retaliation, you lowered your standards as well.

If this happens every few months, then it will progress to every couple of weeks, to every couple of days and so on.

You need to demand respect from him NOW and in the future or you need to leave the relationship and find a man that wouldn't dream of disrespecting you in public, private, or otherwise.

You as well, need to learn to respect others by not raising your hand. Learn to walk away and leave him sitting the next instance of disrespect. Don't marry this fool until you get these issues worked out. Good luck!

Answer 4

Perhaps rather that trying to determine whether "slapping him in public" is the right decision....
maybe you should be thinking about whether "marrying him" is the right decision.
Why on earth would you want to spend the rest of your LIFE with somebody who doesn't respect you???
PLEASE don't get married JUST for:
-the sake of it...
-or because you have your heart set on "the event"...
-or because you're worring about what 'people will say'.....

TRUST ME, I was in your exact situation, with the same type of guy.....I married him and I spent the next 8 yrs MISERABLE, finally ending in divorce.
You should consider more what people (your family) would say after marrying somebody like that than what they'd say about cancelling the wedding and/or engagement.

Just please think long and hard about what you're willing to live with and live like. If he's doing this to you in public-with NO concern-every few months now???>>>believe me it WILL NOT get any better and it WILL NOT become less frequent or severe...it will only get worse because in his eyes, you are LETTING him do it. You're enabling a very abusive behavior.

Please reconsider honey....I know you may love him, but you had better love yourself first...obviously he doesn't.

Answer 5

It is true that slapping him would legally be assault and battery, and this guy sounds like the type that would have you arrested. You don't need that either.

Please do yourself the favor of getting rid of this jerk at the earliest possible moment, like yesterday. If you "still love him," you have a different type of problem and you need to see a therapist. Today. Okay? Just get rid of the guy.

(If he wants to make it hard to get rid of him, then you remind HIM of the legalities. It is against the law to stalk or harass a person. If he won't leave you alone, have him arrested. Talk to a lawyer.)

Answer 6

Neither YOU or HIM should be slapping anyone, PERIOD!!
If you're slapping him, and he can't bring a try to you, I think the two of you need to go to counseling BEFORE you get married. Someone licensed, a priest, reverand, rabbi, someone qualified. Getting angry is one thing, physically acting on it, is something else altogether.
As far as everyone in line, if you're slapping anyone, of course they are going to look at you as if you did something wrong!

Answer 7

If you're willing to marry a guy who treats you like that then give me a call because I would like to have someone on the side that I can kick around and abuse once in a while too. And it's way easier to kick you around than have to keep a dog and take care of it...

Try this: dump him and find someone that loves and respects you. Seriously.

Answer 8

Slapping him would have just made the situation worse. Let him know that he cannot talk to you like that in any situation. If he doesn't get it embarrass him sometimes men don't get it until they are put on the spot.

Answer 9

Everyone was looking at you because they were probably surprised that a nice girl like you was with such a jerk.

Don't hit him. It's not right. Next time he does something like that leave and don't come back. Make it clear to him if he does it again he will be history.

Answer 10

I don't blame you at ALL for being ticked off at him. He has no right to treat you (or anyone else for that matter) like that. Run away! Do you really want to spend your life with someone who obviously has no respect for you? You deserve better. That said, you probably shouldn't have slapped him. Conflicts are better resolved with (calm) words than with violence. Good luck, and remember: You deserve someone who will respect you!