can you please help me finish this best mans speech?

Question

i need one or two more comparrisons and a way to finish it off
here is what i already have:

ladies and gentlemen, for those of you here that dont know me, im john and im grahams brother, for those young ladies of you here i have a well paid job,my own car and my own place, so come and see me later and we can get to know each other a bit better!

(at that point i turn to one of the bridesmaids and give her a wink and say...)
'allo laura...wink wink alright? wink wink

right, back to the speech
i dont think graham will like me saying this but as this is such a big occasion, i think we should be asking a really big question.....

and that question, ladies and gentlemen, i belive should be is becky getting good value?

the best way to answer this is to compare graham to the 3 or 4 main points you would consider when buying a secondhand car

(i have answers for the the first question 1+2 so dont need any help for them, just 3+4)
1: is he a good runner?
2: bodywork?

Answer 1

I really like this speech!! Why dont you go abit further and print off your number and stick it under the chairs, this way you can get people involved in the joke. As in...


ladies and gentlemen, for those of you here that dont know me, im john and im grahams brother, It's great to be stood up here today because, after all these years, Graham has finally admitted that I am the best man, for those young ladies of you here i have a well paid job,my own car and my own place, so if you'd like to look under your chairs, ive printed off some copies of my number, give me a ring......

YOU COULD DO THE THUMB AND FINGER TO EAR THING AND LOOK AT THE NEW MOTHER IN LAW

(at that point i turn to one of the bridesmaids and give her a wink and say...)
'allo laura...wink wink alright? wink wink

And everyone id just like to say how lovely the bride looks today, (give time for people to clap) and of course the lovely bridesmaids. Give laura a wink again

right, back to the speech
i dont think graham will like me saying this but as this is such a big occasion, i think we should be asking a really big question.....

Is becky expecting........................ A good husband?!!


the best way to answer this is to compare graham to the 3 or 4 main points you would consider when buying a secondhand car

Number one: A good runner
Number two: Bodywork, well, we'll like (name of new wife) decide on that one
Three: Has he been in an accident? (you could there add a story of any embrassing accidents had as a child, or you could say, you were always having accidents as a young boy werent you graham, infact, sorry i just had a flash back of the stag do morning, then shake as if a chill has gone through your body and say errrrrr graham, i told you not to have that last pint!)
Number four: Reliable (turn serious at this point and look at you brother, this is where you can get sentimental). Id like to say, Graham, youve been a great brother, and very proud to be the best man.

There are obviously two very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible. And the great thing is that as the evening progresses, most of us will get to spend more and more time talking with them. So please join me in a very special toast – to the bar staff!

Then say, No seriously please join me in a toast to congratulate my brother and his new wife, the happy couple

THE HAPPY COUPLE!!

Hope this helps, and good luck at the wedding xx

Answer 2

Not bad but you'd be better trying not to be funny unless you really can be witty, kind and brilliant. True stories are better than jokes. Every time. If you have to talk about a car then link it to a true story about a car. Why is it a big occasion? Say why it is and then say something nice about the bridesmaids. Especially if you fancy one of them. Say how nice it is to see everybody. A few people have dropped out so the B&G were able to invite everybody here so that's nice. Etc etc

Answer 3

lol~ that's pretty cute so far..
how about stuff like
~Maintenance & Repair Costs,
~Depreciation costs
~Annual cost to own and operate this vehicle
~If the car has a warranty or is being sold "as is."
~How much of the repair costs the warranty covers.
~The major systems on the car to look out for.


Who has owned this car?


Why did the previous owner get rid of it?

What was it being used for?

Has it been in any accidents?

What problems has it had in the past?

When is the last time it got a tune-up?

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I have some suggestions.....mileage? a classic, or a trend? Not sure if that's what you're looking for, but what you've got already sounds great! I hope the best man at my wedding has a speech that's half as good! ;-)

Answer 6

3 .has he got good mileage
4.wont conk out on me at midnite.

having said that I have to be home by then or i'll turn into a pumpkin.

then turn to an ugly trio and ask where cinders is ,(only jokin)

av a good one ,good speech so far

Answer 7

Is his dome light working?
How many miles has he racked up?
Hopefully, there's not too much exhaust out of the back end!
Does he drive straight? (that could be interpreted a couple of ways!)
Does his seat need a cover?

Answer 8

You might wanna re-think the speech......comparing your bro to a secondhard car?? EEK!

It woud be better to talk about a childhood memory you shared with your bro...or perhaps a genuine heartfelt wish for his happy future!

Answer 9

''so come and see me later and we can get to know each other a bit better'' lose that it doesnt really sound funny u started of well but i think that just kills its bcoz its too blunt and str8 to the point n das not funny,

Answer 10

any smoke coming from the tailpipe?
what kinda mileage does it get?
any chipping , peeling or rust?
interior in good shape?
leaking from anywhere?
has he ever been hit from the rear?
any front end damage?