My daughter came home from school today saying that she knew who she was going to marry. Obviously, this is quite normal and part of growing up and we often have different "boyfriends". However, when we were in the car she said that she had a written a letter to her botfriend that said "I love you and I am going to have sex with you". She has no idea what this means and I told her that it is not the sort of thing that little girls should say. She then said that someone else wrote it and she just read it. She got quite upset and could obviously see that I was shocked. I didn't go into too much detail with her as she changed the subject but I am now worried that maybe I should have said more. Does anyone have any tips on the best way to handle it without going into all the detail-I don't think she is old enough to know the full gory bits yet. Thanks.
2007-07-06 09:42:41 · 29 answers · asked by nooka 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks for your answers so far, it seems that I didn't handle it too badly. Unfortunately the boy who supposedly wrote it down has also been saying other things that he shouldn't be. May have to steer her away from that one!!!
2007-07-06 10:03:06 · update #1
some great advice here.... I agree, drop it, I think you reacted appropriately, and to bring it up again will just embarrass her...she's probably already forgotten about it.
I always tell my kids that "that's a grown up word, or grown-up thing, and i'll explain when you're older", and usually they are happy with that and don't care to persue it. I also tell them that swear words are grown-up words, and it is naughty for children to say them. That way if I accidentally swear (which happens frequently), or overhear swearingat the shops, school or TV, they don't feel the need to make a fuss and comment that I'm (or whoever swore) is naughty. Very handy! i've never had to deal with my kids swearing, or them telling me off for swearing either!
2007-07-06 12:09:34 · answer #1 · answered by honey 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her sex is something for grown ups,
I agree that now is not the best time to discuss gory details not because you can't tell children of this age ,but just because at the moment she feels she has done something wrong and got upset.
Wait until the dust settles and then explain the basics in simple terms, there are some great books aimed at youngsters that help you with this kind of thing.
I told my son the facts of life when he was 7 ( I was pregnant and he wanted to know how it got there)
He is now 15 and probably knows more than I do, but we can talk about things openly and I think that is really important.
Good luck1
2007-07-06 17:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by mistyblue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with just about everyone on here, but specifically Joan R, you need to find out who wrote this...and have a talk with the teacher and possibly the principal, obviously your little girl didn't mean anything by it, but in today's world, people are so quick to pull the sue, and the sexual harassment cases, etc, this note could possibly be viewed as such if it is confused as your little girl giving it to a little boy....you need to find out exactly what happened, and who wrote it, and this way as much as possible make sure it doesn't happen again...with any of the children of this age.
note...went through sort of the same problem recently...apparently my husband had woken up late at night, and we have a tv in our room, he has a habit of turning on either MTV or VH1 for the music to fall back asleep to, however, our daughter has a habit of coming into our room at night when we are asleep, and so.....if he turned the tv on, and didn't turn it off before falling asleep, she of course ends up watching it herself before falling asleep.....so the other day she was over my moms and quite happily exclaimed "I'm going home to masturbate" (she said it wrong however, and had no idea what she was saying, and of course wanted to know what it meant....since she had never heard the word before, I basically after trying to go around the question just had to come straight out and tell her, she is too young to know, and its not something that nice young ladies discuss with others) needless to say....I take the batteries out of the remote at night and hide them.
2007-07-06 18:39:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel,last year my son who was only 5 at the time said he had had sex with his girlfriend! When I asked him what he thought sex meant he kissed me on the cheek and said 'like that'. This is a phrase they have picked up off classmates,as you said,your daughter doesn't know what it means. At six I don't think she needs the full gory details! To be honest,I would never mention the letter again,she is probably already embarrassed and confused about what she has done!
2007-07-06 17:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by New Boots. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she's old enough to know the ins and outs either. I would suggest that you approach your daughter again and mention that you were surprised by the letter she read out. Explain that you weren't angry with her or anyone else but just taken aback because sex is a subject that usually only adults talk about. Tell her that if she ever has anything she wants to ask you about you will be happy to explain.
2007-07-06 17:05:26 · answer #5 · answered by rolymo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ah, the innocence of childhood. I too have a young girl who pretty much said the same thing......I may not have handled it the right way but I explained to her that sex is for adults when they grow up and are married and want to have children. Although it was only a patch in the issue, it seemed to be enough to satisfy her curiosity and she hasnt mentioned it again since.....there is no perfect answer to this question as each parent has to decide what is best for their child. You did just fine...dont worry and be glad that she said it to you now...and not as a teenager!!!
2007-07-06 16:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by ameribicgirl 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your little girl has probably heard some of the older children at school who have been saying things. They all do it at sometime.
I think that you have showed your displeasure now, and your little one has seen that you were not best pleased. I personally would drop the whole thing now. She is far too young to go into anymore in depth conversation on that subject.
If she mentions it at all another time, I would just give her a cuddle, and tell her that nice little girls her age ought not to write things down that way, and that she can just say she loves someone, but not the other bit.
2007-07-06 16:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She probably thinks it's kissing or hugging. Just tell her that sex is a grownup thing and hard to understand. Let her know that when she's old enough to understand it, you'll explain it.
On a lighter note - my son is also 6 and is very concerned about the whole marriage ceremony in general. He was worried about kissing the bride & asked if it was ok if he just hugged her instead. I told him he & his bride could even just shake hands if that's what they wanted to do. He thought that was a good idea & hasn't brought it up since.
2007-07-06 17:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by Quarter Midget Mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask your daughter if she has any questions on the idea of sex. Give her a six year old version or enough for her to know that this is a mature adult activity. But only answer the question that she has and no more.
2007-07-06 16:51:31 · answer #9 · answered by Mindy M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My daughter said she was gay the other day and she is only 4 I just said that's nice and carried on with what I was doing. I would take it with a pinch of salt you are gona hear far worse out of her in her life time and teachers at school are used to dealing with stuff like this. don't stress out over it its not worth the worry.
2007-07-07 04:32:12 · answer #10 · answered by holly b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋