how do i console my boyfriend who just lost his first 2 army buddies in Afghanistan?

Question

I feel as though there's nothing I can say to make him feel better. What can I do to show him I care and that his loss is my loss as well?

Answer 1

Tell him exactly that - his loss is your loss too. And realize that no one grieves the same as anyone else.

Check out this website - it is for TAPS - the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. It is a great non-profit organization that one of my friends started when her husband was killed in active duty. It is a peer support network for people who have lost a friend or family member in active duty. It also has resources for those who are grieving, and an 800# that is answered 24 hours a day. There is always someone you or your boyfriend can talk to.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 2

good friend of mine got his release from the Corp about 10 months ago I think. He did 5 years, 3 deployments to Iraq in infantry unit. he has been getting help for PTSD and got his paperwork through on it. he said it was a long process but in the end he is doing much better. I guess there is a certain amount grieving you have to do. You friend isn't coming back and there isn't a person in the world that wouldn't be touched by your story. but it is not over! you are alive... it may seem weird but the best way to honor your friend that died with you there is to live your life. don't feel guilty that you made it and he didn't. don't feel guilty because you didn't put that landmine there. it's impossible to pay attention to everything all the time and i can imagine that being on a patrol of course you could be facing a different direction... be strong and imagine yourself having a happy life, the kind you always wanted. your buddy would want you to have that. when you feel you are ready, i'm sure his family would really like to see you... they must be in so much pain too. I think if you are going to be able to find some closure and breathe easy and sleep well that you should focus on yourself. get yourself better. You know how they say in an airplane that if there is an emergency to put your mask on first before helping others.. that's because you can't help others if you aren't helped first yourself. do whatever you need to do to help yourself, you f*ck1ng deserve it. If I knew where you were I'd give you a hug man. don't be ashamed ever.. you've done a great thing and you are involved in something really important in our history. you need to get in touch with the pride you should feel for all the things you've been successful with. on the PTSD thing-- i think it is pretty ridiculous to say you can only get it if you got shot. if that is really what they told you then it is just plain wrong. any stressful event can trigger it. i myself watched the twin towers collapse with my own eyes. i still am not fully recovered from that event and i wasn't hurt at all. it took years for me to learn how to deal with the pain and trauma but i am much better now. you too will learn how to manage the pain and how to better deal with the thoughts that will pop up in your dreams or whenever. Get a good doctor, even if you have to go off base for one. you have a right to seek a second opinion and you have a right to get treatment. private message me if you need my phone # and u want to talk. don't know what i could tell you other than i'll be your friend. I'm on West coast time. hang in there. we need good people in the world and all the suffering you are enduring is because you are a good person.

Answer 3

Well here is the deal. It is very difficult to console someone that has lost buddies. The people that are in the service become very close to their buddies and is a bond that sometimes wives can't even break. They have seen stuff that they prefer to not talk about with others outside their little circle. The best you can do is to be there for him, when he wants to talk, talk with him, or just sit and listen, sometimes that is all they need. I lost a Soldier of mine earlier this year and it was the hardest thing to deal with. I have 135 Soldiers under my command and thoughts of something happening to one of them, also, came to my mind. It is the hardest thing for a service member to have to deal with and on top of that, still fight a war. These people are awesome and I wouldn't want to be doing another job in the world because of all the great men and women serving the US. I guess the bottom line is this, be there for him, let him know you care, but give him room when he needs it. There are stages that people go through when they lose someone they care about. It will just take time.

Answer 4

Just let him know you're there if he needs you or wants to talk. If he wants to, then he'll come around. Until then, it's best he talk with his other soldier buddies because they understand how he's feeling more than you can. Just be there for him, that's the best way to show him. don't bring it up.

Answer 5

I know the feeling! I lost good friends in Vietnam.We never knew if we'd see the next day.I still think about them,but try to remember the good times.Tell him to be strong and remember that he's there for his country and his friends died doing their duty.War is Hell.God Bless our troops!!

Answer 6

Be there for them we just want someone who understands us and wont force us to talk about it. DO Not force him to go a courser,it will only make it worst.The best support is you and whens hes ready he will come to you.I have been there many times and the worst you can do is bug himabout it wanting to talk about it,when they time is right he will left you know.

Answer 7

OMG I am so sorry for you for him the person that died their family. I dont know what to say. I would just let him know that you are there for him for whatever he needs. If he needs to chat or go out on the town to forget or just a hug. Good luck to both of you and so sorry.

Answer 8

Make a charitable donation in their names from your boyfriend & you. either monetary or volunteer your time at the local Veteran's clinic/hospital..

U.S.O.
American Legion
Disabled American Veterans
Army Emergency Relief

Answer 9

Tell him to write President Bush and request a special letter to go to the parents. That should help.

Answer 10

Just make sure he knows you are there for him. Don't expect him to talk about it, he may not be ready for a very long time if ever. Just love him.