My bf & I live together. We've been together 2.5 yrs & have lived together for 2 yrs. We recently bought a house together. (Please don't preach to me about that). Things have been perfect until recently. Now almost all romance has stopped (I know we are busier & have less $) on his end & we've talked about it ... he genuinely apologizes & says he will make sure to do things (then he doesn't). And then his friend (who he works with) moved to the same town & now the 2 are inseperable, they have to see each other almost every evening. Since he has been hanging out with this friend, he has become a pack a day smoker &has stayed out all night without calling a few times. I feel that he would rather hang out with this guy in his free time (he sees him at work) than me. I can't help but feel somewhat resentful of this friend since his arrival our relationship has changed & we fight. What to do? Sick of arguing, love him so much, know he loves me. I think I am being taken for granted. Advice?
2007-07-06 08:07:35 · 24 answers · asked by SarahBeara 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I took some advice and talked to him point blank about it on Friday. Guess what ... it worked. He saw that I was hurt and that drove the point home. We had a great weekend and both feel better about everything. No, neither one of us is cheating, frustrated, bored, etc. It was totally a communication thing ... he didn't realize what he was doing and how it was making me feel. It actually made him reiterate how much I mean to him and that he can't imagine not spending the rest of his life with me making me happy. Maybe someone else can learn from my situation. Just talk it out ... cry if you need to ... let the other person know how their actions are making you feel. If they truly love you and want to make it work then things will change. Thanks for the advice everyone.
2007-07-09 04:22:56 · update #1
I'm sorry, that is a tough one. I suggest talking it out even though you may argue. You should make clear how you feel and that how (you feel) his behavior has changed. See what he says. I hope you can work through it. It can get tough owning a home when you are unmarried. I am in the same boat.
2007-07-06 08:17:52 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are frustrated with each other, and that things have started to change since you bought the house together. It's more like real commitment and a lot like marriage now. In my opinion, you aren't being taken for granted so much as having a communication problem. But "talking it out" isn't going to work either. He's a guy! Try giving him a hug when he walks in the door and at least 4-5 other times during the day. Plan together to do something together that is fun (and inexpensive, since you're on a budget). There are many things like taking a walk together, or going to a movie after you eat at home. Ask him how his day went when he gets home, tell him about yours. Reconnect, in other words. That's what is missing, the connection between you two. Look for it and find it. Think about how the two of you first got together, and why you love each other. Try not to "nag" him about things.
2007-07-07 11:59:05 · answer #2 · answered by Susan G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i would be frustrated to My bf is the same way but the difference we don't live together right now. We did until we became poor. I see my bf 1 to 2 days a week and talk to him everynight. He just took off on monday to go to canada with his buddies for 5 days. I was pissed he see these guys all the time. I don't blame you for being mad. You can't take his friends away from him but if I were you I would explain to him how you feel about him spending all his time with this friend.
2007-07-06 08:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by kelly w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you can't go back and change the fact that you bought a house together but this why you shouldn't do something like that until you get married. The only thing you can do is talk to him about how your feeling and see what comes of the communication. Maybe your boyfriend feels that he doesn't want to lose his friend because if anything happens to your relationship, he has his friend still because girls come a dime a dozen.
2007-07-06 08:14:45 · answer #4 · answered by benz s55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most people get into ruts that are not very good for their relationship. If the guy really loves you he should stop and look at how he is making you feel. If he is anything like me then he will instantly regret neglecting you. I know sometime when I look at my wife and just seeing her face I start to wonder if I am making her happy. I think about the times that I should have done better and I make a resolution to myself to do better. I tell her that I am sorry for my short commings and I treat her like a Queen. I hold her and let her know that I want to spend my time with her. That what she thinks is important, and that I will be there for her.
2007-07-06 08:41:28 · answer #5 · answered by rspeed_tx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't wrong to be frustrated. First I would tell him how you feel about his friend - that you feel like you have to compete with the friend for his attention, and how you don't think he is being very considerate of your feelings as his gf. Secondly in regards to the romance - I think you are approaching it from the wrong angle. Romance in a relationship involves both people, so you should try to work on it together instead of the nagging approach. Don't just identify problems, but try to offer solutions. If you do something sweet and romantic, he might be inclined to return the gesture. Good luck to you!
2007-07-06 08:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by coffeeshopnat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to be honest you do need to talk to him about spending so much time away from you but don't cut him off from it.
I was living with my GF for a year when I was laid off and we started getting on eachothers nerves because we seen eachother all day every day.
Maybe you you ask if you could go out with him and his friend, go to the pub, the bowling alley, whatever they go.
If this guy is a really good best friend of his of course he could see him a little outside of work. but see if you can share some of his time as well. I know he has needs but so do you.
and no I won't preach about buying a house as BF & GF
2007-07-06 08:22:42 · answer #7 · answered by AJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, is the house in your name, his name, or the both of your names...(the mortgage) ?
Second is this the life and relationship that you want ?
And third.....sounds like he wants freedom and you can't let go due to denial , because of your "love for him". Your not married and he is proving it with his actions of using you, emotionally and financially.
Set down the ground rules of his financial half of the obligations and leave him if he refuses to meet them.
Hopefully if you signed the mortgage without him, you can evict him, if things get to bad. If he has his name only on the mortgage ... just say, bye, bye. If both of your names are on the mortgage, both of you will loose ( financially ) if he straps you with all the bills that you can not pay.
Financially a heavy price to pay for a youthful lesson in life.
All the best to you in what ever you decide to do.
2007-07-06 17:05:58 · answer #8 · answered by cuch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to draw the line. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you have had enough of this. If it causes a break up then oh well. It would be better that the way it is going now. Maybe compromise and let them go out once a week.
2007-07-06 08:15:14 · answer #9 · answered by 55 and trying 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. He needs to know how you feel.
All you can do is love the sinner and hate the sin. Express both when needed but not at the same time. When you talk about the bad behavior, make it clear that you are not condemning your partner, but you do have a problem with the trend. Talk about how you feel, and not about your partner. . Say things like, "this made me feel bad" as opposed to "you made made me feel bad".
2007-07-06 08:11:55 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋