Am I in the wrong?

Question

At the time I started dating my bf he was living in another state and doing well for himself financially. It was a mutual agreement that he move here with me. When he first got here he had a difficult time finding a job. I supported the both of us from 05/06-11/06 with a little money coming in on his end. I never put any pressure on him while he was looking. Because of our previous situation, I cont'd handling all the bills (which btw leaves $25 a month in my account) and his checks were for saving and misc. things like groceries or take out and a nest egg. We haven't managed to save anything. Everytime we do he wants to buy something. Rather than pay off the overdraft we had to use on my acct while he wasn't working he wants to buy a TV. He drives my car & he uses my cell. I just asked him to split the bills with me 50/50 and that didn't go over too big. A friend offered us an new apt and we would save $600 a month but he won't hear it. Am I being the jerk... or him?

I think some people might have misunderstood me... he has a full time job now, he got it in November. I know every story has two sides. He is a sweetheart, very nice quiet guy... but it worries me that he doesn't want to assume any "real" financial responsibility... I was hoping everyone would just give me their opinion that it's right to split the bills in a relationship... and that I'm not being unreasonable.

Answer 1

All him on that one.. Sounds to me like he wants to live off u and u deal with the result of it... Are u sure that he was doing well for himself?? I would check into it. He maybe scaming u out of ur money.. I would let him know that since u are bring in the money that u need to take the apartment so u can take some pressure off u. And let him know that if he doesn't want to split the bills then maybe he needs to split. I would make sure he can't get into ur checking or saving.. u need to take control of them.. not him. If it is in ur name then u need to make sure it gets paid.

Goodluck

Answer 2

It doesn't matter if he is sweet and has a job now, what matters is he is spending money on crap you don't need and refusing to take measures to save money, that is the point. You need to put your foot down and that is that. How else do you think people munipulate? They act all lovey dovey and polite so that when they walk all over you, you'll look past that and see their "good qualities". It is up to you whether or not you continue to take this sort of behavior, but I promise you, if you let him keep this up, you'll live to regret it. I would take the apt. and make sure he fully understands that you are RIGHT about splitting the cost, if anything, he's the man and he should foot more of the bill and BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE, or if not, he has to respect your ways and that's that!! What happens if you have babies and have to not work for awhile? What does he think is gonna happen then? Invisible money paying the bills while he's out wasting money on electronics? Seriously, you need to make things happen cuz they won't happen on their own...K?

Answer 3

ahh.. give an inch and they will always take a mile.

I feel for you here, because you sound a lot like me. It's hard to do the right thing. I know you only mean well and your intentions are good but you are really doing him a huge injustice.

You need to let him know how important it is for him to contribute. You have him enough time to settle in and figure things out. Relationships are always give and take 50/50 .... to be completely honest, he should have already offered.

Try really sitting him down and letting him know how serious you are about this without scaring him. And honestly, if it doesn't go over well then I would strongly suggest you leave. You don't need someone dragging you down like that, and these types of problems only get worse. Take it from experience.

If he is in it for all the right reasons, he will be willing to help. I promise.

Good luck on this, I know it is not an easy one.

Answer 4

I think hes in the wrong because im sorry to say but it seems like he is using you. He might not be but from what I read it seems like he might be using you and getting what he wants out of the situation. I think you should take up the new apt and if he doesnt like it you should tell him that he should get a job so he can help you guys stay where you guys are living now if he doesnt want to move. You should just sit him down and talk to him and tell him how your feeling and that you need some help because its starting to be alot of work for you. Well I hope my advice helped. Good luck.

Answer 5

He is definitely being a jerk. Why shouldn't he split the bills 50/50? And why wouldn't he want to save $600 a month? Sounds odd. Try to get to the bottom of why he's being this way.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are getting used, and he is being unreasonable. If you aren't working in the same direction with your finances, it will never work out. You need to have a long talk with him to decide what your goals are financially together. If you can't compromise and come to an agreement, it's time to move on. It will save you a lot of heartache in the end.

Answer 7

Not everything in a relationship in reality pans out into a 50-50 deal. You give some more on some things and he on others. When it comes to finances you have to be able to sit down and have a conversation about it. The decision to move was mutual and don't tell yourself nor let anyone tell you that you are somehow responsible for your current financial situation. Please don't ruin your credit under any circumstances. Don't give him your credit cards, access to the bank account or anything. I suggest sitting down and working out who is going to pay for what. He needs to understand that this process is a joint one. When you're footing the majority of the expenses, the decisions for moving or not should be yours.

And good luck, this is not going to be easy.

Answer 8

Oh no he is being a jerk about it. You are doing the right thing by asking him to help. And he should do it without even asking him. Maybe you cn suggest that yall get a joint checking account that way you have access to the funds as well. But if he keeps this up then he will only be hurting himself. And I wouldnt let him use your phone or drive your car. Not unless he starts halping you pay for them.

Answer 9

Disagreements will cause fights and unhappiness. If you leave a disagreement on the table it will always stand in the way of your relationship. Isolate the disagreements you are having and try to find agreement on how to resolve them and redress others that arise so that it is not an issue to have issues. Than work to resolve the undesired situations. Once you do you can let all that stuff go and get on to being in love again without letting work and money and stuff like that get in the way.

Answer 10

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