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I'm 15, this upsets me. My parents trust me and I trust them, but I have several friends who are good kidsdand don't have their parents trust. Some don't mind, but some get really sad and depressed with this. I've never got in any bad trouble, and it's been more than 3 years I haven't got any punishment at all. My worst punishment was ro be grounded for 2 days, I had to stay home but was allowed to watch TV, etc. But, if I mess up - and I'm human and a teen - will I lose all my parents trust? I know most teens mess up at certain point, this seems to be the rule. Most parents messed up too when they were teens. So, does this mean almost no parents trust their kids? Some people say once trust is gone it's hard to get back? Does this mean if a kid messes up - and this will happen to almost 100% of them - then they'll never get back their parents trust? This is cruel, no one deserves this. Don't parents believe kids can change and become trustworth again? Why torture them emotionally?

2007-07-06 07:20:00 · 10 answers · asked by Amanda 1 in Family & Relationships Family

10 answers

I am sure you've heard this, but trust is something that must be earned. Kids have to talk to their parents, let them know what is happening in their life and try to hide everything. Some kids don't listen to their parents, they think they are just old and don't want them to have any fun but that's not the truth. We were once teen-agers and we have already been through what ever you are going through and we are trying to save our children the pain that we know is out there.
I am blessed I have three children, two boys one girl and all of them talk to me. It wasn't easy at first but now my sixteen year old daughter and I are best friends, we do everything together. My children know they can tell me anything, I may get a little up set at first, but we talk things out and they know that if trouble comes their way that I'll be the first person there to back them up. And God help any fool who ever tries to hurt one of them, cause I'll put a bullet in them without even thinking about it.
Tell your friends to start talking to their parents, let them into their life. Let them in on any problems they maybe having and most of all they have to listen to their. It's work and time, it isn't going to happen over night.

2007-07-06 07:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Hi Amanda,

You ask some good questions. Trust is essential to human relationships in general and not just between parent and teen. So the lessons you learn on trust will help you all your life. Let's assume that the parents we're discussing are reasonable people. Most parents are. Trust has to be earned. You earn it with a 3 step process 1) Say what you're going to do 2) Do it. 3) Show that you've done it.

But, once lost, it takes many repetitions of the three step process to gain back the trust. It may seem cruel, to have to earn trust in this way, but betrayal seems very cruel too. Sorry, you don't get a free pass due to age. How are you going to learn to be an adult if you get a free pass? Think about it.

Human relationships are complex and involve individual emotions and thoughts. Each person needs to take whatever time is needed to establish that trust has been earned. So, follow the three steps for as long as it takes. Then, never, never betray a trust.

2007-07-06 07:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 0 0

Read some of these other questions around here and you can see why.
Especially the one about the 15 year old with a 2 year old baby.
It is a scary world for parents when their children want to be out in it without them.
Parents have to be suspicious of everything these days.
There are so many things out there that can change the lives of teens forever. Pedophiles, drunk drivers, teen parties, rape, drugs, alcohol, sex, and just peer pressure.
Most teens when you mention these things to them just roll their eyes and act like parents are just going over board.
Every dead teen in the news everyday thought the same thing.
Parents know you are going to mess up, that is why they try to take steps to keep those mess ups to a minimum.
Trust takes forever to build, but only takes one time to lose.
Once teens mess up, then the parents start to wonder how many times they did stuff they didn't get caught at.
Parents have to be in the middle of everything, because sometimes the hardest thing to protect a teen from is themselves.

2007-07-06 07:35:07 · answer #3 · answered by Mr R 7 · 1 0

Everyone is a different parent, and there is no real instruction book. Parenting is going to be based on culture, education, socio-economics, religion, value system and more importantly, how they were raised. My mother never trusted me, but then she wasn't much of a mother either. There was no reason not to trust me, but she choose to keep that wedge between us.

When I raised my daughters, I raised them to understand that trust is something that must be built up and its fragile. I choose to trust them when they were teens because there was no reason not to. They were fine. Unfortunately, I cannot trust one of my daughters because she tends to share family information with anyone who will listen because she knows it will hurt the person involved. Her immaturity and pettiness has come back to bite her on the behind more than once, but yet she continues. I love her but would never trust her with anything important. I see it as the choice she made. I don't tell her this however, what purpose would that serve.

What she would have to do to earn my trust back is to stop her behavior.

Your friends parents aren't your parents, and you cannot ever compare things.

2007-07-06 07:37:37 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0 0

well ask yourself what they would be so worried about. are they worried that you might get into a car with a drunk friend? are they worried that you might have unprotected sex? start smoking/drinking..? or get kidnapped? there are plenty of things that your parents did when they were kids that cause them to be skeptical about their own kids.
what do you mean by "mess up"?
maybe the way to earn trust is by going above and beyond the scope of what the parents expect. for example, call them when you're out even when they don't ask you to. talk to them about your concerns with sex even though you may not have any. if a kid is open and honest with their parents, then the parents are going to assume that there would be no reason for you to hide anything form them.
it could work...worth a try.

2007-07-06 07:26:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Amanda the light of my life....... got a granddaughter by that name. i won't say I'm old but when god made the world i hauled the dirt.....OK.. here are the rules i laid down for my kids and grand kids and will for my great grand kids. it is simply the code of the west.
if it is wrong or feels wrong... don't do it.
when the choice is truth or lie... choose the truth
if you say you'll do something...do it
when in doubt...ask
if you give your word...keep it
if given a task or chore... complete it
you ride for the brand...you don't betray it
these are the things that build trust and with that trust comes integrity. when your word and actions are built on a foundation of truth, honesty, and integrity all men will know you as a person of strong moral character and trust will be forthcoming. this is something that almost all parents and most people have forgotten. you can't beat down the truth, a lie always has to be covered with another lie. if you betray the trust of those who give it you cannot expect it to be given easily again. IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND RIGHT FROM WRONG AND YOU CHOOSE WRONG THEN YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. RENEGADE

2007-07-07 01:22:11 · answer #6 · answered by renegade 1 · 0 0

It sounds like your friend's parents are probably being over protective instead of just simply not trusting their kids. They know what kind of dangers there are in the world nowdays and are just trying to protect them. You don't give specific examples of what they are or are not allowing your friends to do, but perhaps because they are only 14 or 15, the restrictions are necessary. It's hard to say since you did not give examples.

2007-07-06 07:25:08 · answer #7 · answered by Be me 5 · 0 0

have faith is a 2 way highway. youth could desire to comprehend father and mom undertaking lots using fact all of us know what WE did or tried to do as youth. regardless of the indisputable fact that it truly is actual, that doesn't propose our childrens would be that way, and deserve a huge gamble to coach themselves. I propose having your friends be open with what they % to do, and ask father and mom in the event that they could compromise a answer (ie. have curfew previous due). your friends could could desire to attend to tight rules till they practice they could take care of the "contract" and earn greater freedom. What i will inform you is that truly the worst area of do is to bypass at the back of their determine's decrease back and do issues, using fact if found out which will truly set them decrease back and falls below the "have faith is tough to get decrease back" heading. Parental rules are actually not meant to tug you down--we basically % to maintain you from making undesirable alternatives. And enable's settle for it...youth could make some exceptionally existence changing alternatives if no longer guided precise. terrific of success!

2016-10-19 02:43:17 · answer #8 · answered by carrilo 4 · 0 0

Be honest, do the right things, do what they say...Show that you are responsible and that they can trust you...this is how you gain trust from your parents as a teen.

2007-07-06 07:28:48 · answer #9 · answered by Myanna513 3 · 0 0

basically, i love you for asking this...

2007-07-06 07:24:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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