no blond jokes!
2007-07-06 06:58:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
Now if this don't make you laugh.....nothing will!!
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on
the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather
expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky
enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on
it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next
day one of the women's h usband s was concerned that his normally sweet
and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to
suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card
stuck to her *** that said.....'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.'"
2007-07-06 07:01:23 · answer #1 · answered by We're Engaged 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
here are some that i have collected over time
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about having a son. They decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife
got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The
joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful
daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied,
"Not this time!"
BEFORE MARRIAGE:
He: "Yes. At last. I was waiting for this
opportunity."
She: "Do you want me to leave?"
He: "NO! Don't even think about it."
She: "Do you love me?"
He: "Of course!"
She: "Have you ever cheated on me?"
He: "NO! Why you even asking?"
She: "Will you kiss me?"
He:" Yes!"
She:" Will you hit me?"
He: "No way! I'm not that kind of person!"
She: "Can I trust you?"
For AFTER MARRIAGE.... read the lines from bottom to
top.
A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."
Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."
Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse dead.
His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once."
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"
there was 3 nuns talking and the 1st said
" i found a dirty magazine in the fathers room"
and the 2nd nun relpid
'' what did you do with it?'' and the 1st nun said
''i trew it in the garbage''
and the 2nd nun said
'' well that is nothing i found a box of condoms'' the 1st nun asked
'' oh my what did you so with that'' and the 2nd nun said
''i poked holes in all of them''
and the 3rd nun fainted
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.
He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''
The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''I t's in his pocket!''
The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.
The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.
They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''
2007-07-06 14:05:00 · answer #2 · answered by Nicolette Martin 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look up russell peters on youtube...
Indians would make pretty shtty slaves
Slave Owner: All you have to do is pick this cotton
Indian Slave (Indian Accent): No, I can't do it...I hurt my back. I'll tell you what we'll do. YOU pick the cotton and I'LL get the T-shirts made and TOGETHER...we'll wholesale.
It's much better if you hear it...
(With Chinese Accent)
Yo mama is so fat...that when she jump for joy...she got stuck
2007-07-06 16:06:01 · answer #3 · answered by garpit c 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like 26 year old boys?
A: Becasue there are 20 of them!!!
2007-07-06 16:43:33 · answer #4 · answered by The Vulch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will prolly get booted but here goes.
Little Red Riding hood went skipping through the forest and a bunny stops her and says "Little red riding hood you better be careful the wolf is looking for you and he si going to tear up that little red dress tear down thoes little red panties and f you up the @$$" She says back "Oh no he won't" and skips away.
Then a squirrl stops her and says "Little red riding hood you better be careful the wolf is looking for you and he si going to tear up that little red dress tear down thoes little red panties and f you up the @$$" She says back "Oh no he won't" and skips away.
Then all of a sudden the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of the bushes, grabs her from behind and Roars ""Little red riding hood I've got you now and I am going to tear up that little red dress tear down thoes little red panties and f you up the @$$"
She says back "Oh no you won't, your gonna eat me like the book says."
2007-07-06 14:04:46 · answer #5 · answered by xxkittenluvxx143 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q-What did the bird say when his cage broke?
A-cheap cheap!
Q-What kind of candy do you take on a hike to a volcano?
A-Lifesavers!
2007-07-06 14:04:02 · answer #6 · answered by tincerbell101 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yah Momma was so fat .... How Fat Was she .... She was so fat that when she went in front of the TV you missed the next two episodes.
2007-07-06 14:02:16 · answer #7 · answered by Ronatnyu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q. How do you stop Hellen Keller from screaming 'rape'?
A. Break her fingers!!
2007-07-06 14:04:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a Rino?
The hell if I know.
2007-07-06 14:02:37 · answer #9 · answered by .80S.FUNK. LOVE. 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How do you make a hormone???
.
.
Kick her in the ****.. (rhymes with runt and starts with "C"
2007-07-06 14:05:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋