I'm 35 & I've been dating a guy for 7 months. I love him and have been head over heels since just after we met. He doesn't love me and I know this. We're both happy in the relationship, but to each of us it means something different. To me, he's a boyfriend...to him, I'm a friend. He says he wishes he did love me and he genuinely cares about my feelings. He's compassionate and giving, and a great listener. Our relationship is almost perfect except for the fact that we don't both feel the same way. It's hard for me because I want him to love me back, and our relationship is growing. This is the longest relationship I've had, and he's had trouble letting go of his ex-gf of 3 years. They haven't dated in 3-4 years, but he still considers her his best friend. She has been an issue for me, partly because I feel like his feelings for her are the main reason he can't let himself love me. Should we tough this out and see where it goes...will he grow to love me? Or are we on a dead-end road.
2007-07-06 06:34:15 · 4 answers · asked by Marie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has recently offered to put away a picture of him and his ex, to remove the gold chain she gave him, etc. And he's supposed to be working on telling her about me. I feel like these are small steps toward him letting go of his feelings for her. We've talked alot about our relationship and we know it means something different for each of us, but yet at the same time we want the same thing...we just each want to call it something different. I try to remind myself it's only 7 months, which is a short time to most people...but it's a very long time for me. I don't do relationships very well, but I think we are both really working on this. We've both cried over each other and neither of us wants to let the other go and lose the other, despite the fact that we are still at an impass as to what it really means.
2007-07-06 06:39:23 · update #1
Thanks for all the comments and advice. I told him that I think we should break up after tonight and that it should be a mutual decision. I knew that was what I needed to do, and I think he did too. He has to deal with his feelings for his ex before he can move on. I may still be here when he does, but I won't try to wait for that to happen in case it doesn't. I'm a dreamer, but I'm also a realist.
2007-07-06 08:17:05 · update #2
i know you dont want to hear this but you have to break it off with him cause he still has feelings for the previous woman and he cant and will not bring himself to love you untill he finishes his feelings for the previous woman . let him go there are too many free women in this world to be hanging on to this one . good luck .
2007-07-06 06:40:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me honey, it will only gt harder the longer you wait to get out. I was in the same situation. I loved my boyfried. He didn't love me, although he thought I was a great girl. Well I stuck with it because I thought if I waited long enough and tried hard enough his feelings would come around. A year and a half later, I got dumped for something I knew was wrong the whole time. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 and now I know I should have left when I first learned of him being "emotionally incapable" and I feel stupid. Don't waste your precious time on someone who can't give you the love you deserve. It will be hard to let him go (at the moment I can't eat or sleep and spend the majority of the time I am not at work crying) but in the end it will be better than getting your heart broken by him after giving him a chunk of your life.
2007-07-06 06:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by Curliegurlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it!!! Been there, had 2 kids by him and nothing!! Find someone who love you just as much. Let me tell you another thing. He's still seeing his ex-girl, trust me!! That's why he can't get closer to you. Maybe they haven't been out, but they are doing something, if it talking, e-mailing, whatever, she is still in his life, and you are headed for an upset. When a guy introduces you as his friend, then that's what he's telling everybody, even her. You will have to sit down and explain to him if he can't except you as his women, like you do except him as your man, then you need to treat him as a friend and find you a man. I DID(smile) Good Luck!!
2007-07-06 06:43:53 · answer #3 · answered by teebaby39 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him an ultimatum you or her. You deserve someone who wants and will be good to you. He's not being very good to you now. I know I probably sound like a jerk. But you know you deserve better, and you tell him that.
Sorry if this didnt help, best of luck!
2007-07-06 06:42:50 · answer #4 · answered by Julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋