continuation..to why he hasn't written in basic.?

Question

I read all of your comments and thanks. i have been talking to his mom a lot. i told her yesterday that i didn't know why he was not writing but maybe he did not want to be with me anymore. and she said he asked about me in his last letter and said he was going to write. i don't understand why he would write home and say he was going to write me, and not just do it. i thought for awhile that i was not receiving his letters, maybe it was lost, since the last letter was saying he loves me so much, etc. but i don't think he's writing. if he hadn't received a letter from his girlfriend in 3 weeks, then he should write home or to me and say why haven't i written just like i did to him. he has enough time to write 3 or 4 letters home in the last 3 weeks, so i think he should at least write me once and say he's busy so i know everything's okay. that makes me feel like either he doesn't care about me or he just thinks he can come back and say i was busy, sorry. that's not fair.

Answer 1

I really don't think you have any understanding of what it's like for recruits going through basic training... everyone who has answered you thus far has pointed out just how exhausting it is, and how busy they keep you. It also depends entirely on the person; I wrote letters occasionally, but I'm not much of a letter-writer anyway. Depending on what service he's in, where he's going to basic, and even on how his drill sergeants are, they could very well frown on excessive letter-writing or deliberately keep people so busy that they simply don't have the time. There also isn't exactly time set aside for folks to run to the shoppette and pick up stationery and stamps--they only let us go once or twice when I was there, and they were searching through bags to make sure people weren't sneaking candy bars--they even confiscated orange-flavored cough drops. You've no idea how psychotic an environment he's in right now. As I said, it might also be that he's just not a bigtime letter-writer; but in the end, Basic is only a couple of months long... it's relatively short. Is not hearing from him for a couple of months really that dire a situation for you? Between Basic Training, AIT, going to Germany, going to Iraq, and being extended in Iraq, I spent a total of maybe a month of time with my wife during the first 18 months we were married. Once he graduates Basic and goes to AIT, he may have more opportunities to write or call... but again, that all depends on where he goes to AIT, what his schedule is like, and what his drill sergeants there are like. I hate to say it, but you've got to give him the benefit of the doubt, and learn some patience. Many, many, many girlfriends and wives flake out on their soldiers because they can't deal with separations, training, deployments, and other common aspects of military life. You need to examine whether you yourself have that kind of staying power to stick by his side and be patient, or whether you simply don't have the stomach for it; either way, your boyfriend doesn't have much control over his life and pretty much won't the whole time he's in the service. Service members sacrifice their freedoms so that others may keep theirs, sometimes costing them their relationships.

Answer 2

I answered your first one, but I 'm going to continue.

When I went into Basic Training (ours was 18 weeks because of no AIT at the end, it was mixed in), I was tired from all the marching, exercise, cleaning, shining, etc... to respond to everyone every time they wrote letters to me. I would write home maybe once every month. But I would write my girlfriend almost as soon as I read her letters.

It could be that it is easier for him to tell mom/home simple little things. Like, he's OK, did some of this and that. But with you, he wants to share with you a lot of details, but is too tired to finish the letter in 1 or 2 days.

I say find something that keeps you busy and don't write to him until the end of his Basic.

Also, I agree with John T. So you figure it out and figure out what you want.

Answer 3

Do you realize you've been complaining about this (particular issue) for 2 weeks now? (And a month of complaining about his enlisting.)
That in those questions you've explained that you don't support his decision to join the Army?
That you've admitted he wrote more times than you have?
That you've had 100x more free time than has he?
That you've demonstrated a jealousy that his parents received some mail (less than you)?
That you've expressed doubt that you can be with him as a soldier?
That you've constantly whined about how "unfair" it is on you?

You've written a bunch of strangers at least twice as much as you've written him!

Sorry, if I were him, I'd dump ya. No room for all that drama/stress in the life of a soldier. But he's probably much younger than I and he may still need to learn that lesson.

Answer 4

sounds like you need to grow up a smidge. have you written HIM and told HIM that you need for him to write more often?

some guys just suck at the whole writing thing. Maybe he just doesn't realize how much you want him to communicate better.

and sorry, but you still sound like a whiny selfish brat who is jealous because the boy writes his parents instead of you. newsflash.. they have known him a LOT longer than you have, and you will have to get used to the fact that he has a relationship with them and you have NO right whatsoever to demand that he blow them off just because you are feeling needy.

Answer 5

wow... yea, i didn't read the first part, but he should definitely be able to write you. my fiance is in the military... we were together back when he went through basic, and he wrote all the time. people used to crack jokes about the army because of it... i'd get 7-8 page letters at least twice a week. he wrote a lot of times after lights out... dunno if they're allowed to do that or not, but i'm pretty sure that's when he wrote most of them. if i were you, i'd write to him and ask him to be completely honest. does he ever get phone time? my fiance did on occasion and he always called his family and then made sure to leave at least a few minutes to call me, just to let me know he was doing ok and that he loved me. perhaps your boyfriend just handles things differently, but i'm pretty sure you have a right to expect something. anyway, good luck!

Answer 6

I dont know what basic training he is in, But being ex-military I know that outside contact is a no no in basic. You usually dont get to write letters for the first month or so and you really dont have the time or the ambition to do so until training slows down such as a follow on tech school.

Answer 7

I have been there. (Basic combat training.) Believe me, you are on the go, constantly.
When the work-day is over, you are so darn tired you just want to crawl in the sack, but they still come up with things to do. .
Come weekends, you spend most of it sleeping. Beleive me , the last thing you want to be bothered with is to write a letter.

Why can't you give him the benefit of a doubt?

Answer 8

I think you should let him go and let him find someone with more patience. You are not ready to have a long-distance relationship with someone in the military. You seem to need more attention than he can provide right now. Best for both of you to end it.
KH

Answer 9

This sounds like something you need to talk to him about. that's the only way you are going to know why. I know it's good for people to give you advice, but they are not your boyfriend and do not know what is going on in his mind. This is something you need to confront him with.

Answer 10

try to remember he is very very busy and on a very very tight schedule he barely has time to write to his mom