i'm starting to plan a wedding for next year, but my fiance doesn't want his mother there. she lives on the several states away, and i've never met her.
he told me that she had some emotional problems, cheated on his father, and then met a man on the internet and abandoned them when he was 14, he's only seen her once since then than hasn't talked to her since christmas (she calls, but he doesn't answer). he said that she didn't show up to his sister's weddings, but that was because she was out of the country for one, and she was in a car wreck for the other. he doesn't think she'd show up, but he doesn't even want to invite her for fear that she will show up and start drama.
so which do you think will result in more problems, not inviting her, and her finding out we're married a few months down the road, or inviting her and having her make him miserable?
2007-07-06 05:22:10 · 27 answers · asked by Intelley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Don't invite her. It may make her mad down the road, but she should know she doesn't have any relationship with her son. If you invite her, then your big day might get ruined, and it's not worth it over someone he wont talk to.
2007-07-06 10:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't invite her. If he's only seen her once since he was 14 there isn't much likeliness that she's going to come to visit any time soon. Think about it like this. Do you really want to invite her and have her come for her to ruin your wedding? Or would you rather have her show up at your house in a few years where you can just call the police if you have to and not have all the rest of your friends and family there to witness the drama? That may sound bad to call the cops on your mom, but when you have parents with severe emotional problems, it's not that hard. I understand, my mom is like his mom, and I have had to call the law on her to get her to stop before. I hope this helps.
2007-07-06 12:36:11 · answer #2 · answered by pinkpanther_raya 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like not inviting her would be the best choice if that's how your FH feels. There is no reason why your day should be ruined by her. I guess just make sure you cover your bases to ensure that she doesn't know when or where it is so she doesn't show up. You could also appoint a family member to escort her away from the wedding if she shows up.
If she gets upset about not being invited then that is her problem. You and your FH deserve your wedding and your life with misery. The day is about you and him and your love for each other.
2007-07-06 12:31:10 · answer #3 · answered by Samm G 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would leave it up to him. Giving birth in no way makes you a mother 1st of all. 2nd this really is not your call. He is a grown man getting married. He has not had a relationship with this woman and has no contact. Why would he want her there now. I don't think you should have drama at the wedding nor make him miserable. Let him make the choice.
Write her an invitation and give it to him to mail. Let him know you stick by him no matter what his choice is. Then let it go. It would be worse if she did not show up, he is not looking to be disappointed by her again.
Congrats on the wedding.
2007-07-06 12:33:58 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Have him ask himself, does he want her in his life ever, for the rest of his life, or the rest of hers? It isn't just this one day; that is the easy part, he invites her to this party or he doesn't.
If his answer is, he never wants to see her again for as long as he is alive, that is the telling part. If he thinks he might want a relationship with her, even a lukewarm one, 5 years from now, he should invite her to the wedding.
Families are messy. Only a few get the family they would have picked.
2007-07-06 12:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't a mother -- this is a stranger with the title of "mother".
However . . .
She IS his mother, and miracles sometimes happen, if we give them opportunity. I think that he ought to consider sending her an invitation, and leave it up to her as to whether or not to attend. If she chooses not to come, then he's not at fault. But in the future, he may regret not having invited his mother to his wedding.
If he hasn't seen her once since he was 14 and has spoken to her seldom, how can he be sure she would act up at the wedding? He knows best, though, so support him in whatever he decides to do. It's his mom -- his decision.
2007-07-06 14:14:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would recommend you go ahead and get married without inviting her. It sounds like she hasn't done anything to merit an invitation and her presence would make what should be one of the best days of your life miserable.
I'm sorry to hear that your future husband has had such terrible experiences with her and am sure it has left him with some tremendous emotional scarring. He (and you) deserve to have this special day stress-free!
Just deal with the fallout when it happens knowing that you did the right thing to make him happy!
Wishing you a lifetime of happiness, joy and blessings!
2007-07-06 12:48:50 · answer #7 · answered by Monica 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unforgiveness is an destructive force which will spread down the generations.
YES she has been a neglectful mother but without her there would be no you and him as she bought him into this world.
Cannot you talk him round so that you invite her to dinner and make your own observation or at least find a way of speaking
to her.
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SEE IF SHE HAS CHANGED OR AT LEAST WILLING TO.
Soon you will see if she is worth that second chance.
2007-07-06 12:50:46 · answer #8 · answered by Mercede's Lamp 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, she gave up those rights when she abandoned her family. Tough cookies if she wants to be at YOUR wedding. She needs to know the hurt she has inflicted and by not including her is a good way to let her know that she made a bad choice. People have to lay in the bed they make for themselves!
2007-07-06 12:37:12 · answer #9 · answered by ashpea2002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is his day too, its his mom , he doesnt want her there..abide by his wishes. There is no need to stir up the home life if you go and invite her and he doesnt want her there it will only cause issues between the 2 of you, it is not worth it. Let him have his day without the drama, as thats how you would want your day as well. I am sure if the sho was on the other foot (per say) he would abide by your request without question.
2007-07-06 12:35:41 · answer #10 · answered by mel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋