How can I deal with my rebellious 7 year old - God's way?

Question

This past year my 7 year old has become more and more rebellious. He screams, kicks, punches and yesterday he even bit me. I am ashamed at what I think of him. I love him and want to help him overcome his behaviour but how. My husband and I have tried many things but nothing seems to work. He was a perfect child up till now. He started getting into trouble at school and was even suspended this year at the age of 6. Wow! I am beside myself and haven't got a clue what to do. How can I get through to him and make him understand that his behaviour not only hurts others but himself as well. He is a great kid with a hot temper. Please help.

Answer 1

First, the simple answer: He's at the reading age and may have dyslexia, or another learning impairment that is making him feel 'not good enough'. What's more, your own actions and words may be making him feel ever worse, causing him to lash out with frustration, not knowing what else to do.

This is where some people might get angry, but the truth isn't always what someone wants to hear.

He may be frustrated at the answers you are giving him or the way you speak to him.

I realize that you are religious, but the quickest way to drive a child away from God is to shove it down their throat. (I'm not saying that you are, but am making an example)

When you talk to your son about his behavior, leave God out of it. While God may be very important to you and your family, your son is only going to become angry if you use "Because God this, or Satan" that. Give him answers, real answers that he can relate and understand that have to do with the world we are living in. Talk to him, don't lecture.

Sit him down, and actually ask him to talk to you, to let you know why he's doing the things he is doing and if he is frustrated, ask him why he's frustrated...and don't lecture; just listen. Pick your battles.

Is it really going to hurt him to leave a book on the floor or to play with his friends for 5 more minutes?

God's way is patience and enforcement, not irritation and violence.

Answer 2

Call Super Nanny! Sorry I can't say what to do. I would seek help before you lose your temper. I would also stick to your guns take stuff away for the bad behavor and award for good. Start a chart that makes the child see what kind of progress he is doing and make him responsible for his actions and what ever you do... walk away before you react, The child want attention and for you to react. Stop and calmly tell your child that the way he is behaving is not acceptable and you will not take it. And put the child in the time out area and make him stay there, keep takeing him back till he stays there. Once he stays for the time you told him to (like 5-10 min ) then tell him that he can come out and explain why he was in there and then tell the child that you love them and give them a hug and kiss. Then tell him that you exspect him to behave and that the next time he acts up he will stand in the time out spot again.

I would seek help from your local church if you need more advice.

Answer 3

this is going on all over the world, and here is just a few that cause it, t.v. cartoons them acting out what they see, and put in with other children some have been taught to fight back, and a child is very easy to pick up on these things, even around family members, just know this a child can not act out what they do not see. Crime movies violence the war even if a child sees it even the news they will act on it, and some times a little kiss to a person can look like a bite from a child's play. Try this get a child's animal movie like Dr.Doolittle, let child see, then watch and see what parts the child picked up on, by doing this knowing, then you can see how fast they do pick up on things.

Answer 4

Amy had a great idea with recording it. I don't think kids realize how they are acting when they are angry or frustrated, their emotions control them. As far as spanking, I never could understand hitting a kid to get them to understand not to hit. Never made much sense to me.
During a calm time, ask him why he acts out that way. What is he hoping to gain? Attention? A material item? Discuss with him what some other options are for the next time he's feeling out of control. Then gently remind him the next time he's acting out. You'll probably have to do it over and over again without much initial success, but eventually things will click. Also NEVER give in to the tantrum.

Answer 5

An abrupt change of behavior and personality like this should be looked into instead of punished. You say he was a "perfect child" until recently. This sounds to me like there has been some kind of emotional trauma, cognitive issue or organic medical problem. Before you start hitting the child for something he may have no control over I'd sure have him looked over by a doctor or therapist.

Answer 6

Kids do go thru a rebellious phase, yours sounds pretty intense. Suspended at age 6 is pretty remarkable. Have you tried cutting or eliminating sugar from his diet? And absolutely no caffeine drinks? There are medications that could help, too, you might want to talk with his doctor about this. However, far too many children are overmedicated and it should be avoided if there are better alternatives. Other than that, what activities does he like? Let him get absorbed in them, spend his excess energy in them, and get praise for doing so. Perhaps teaching him a fun sport would help. Good luck.

Answer 7

tough love, be consistent with discipline, don't let him get away with any bad behavior...I started having similar problems with my 8 year old son, he's a big hockey fan so I took all his hockey stuff away. Every week that he is good he gets to choose one item that he can have back. It has really worked so far. He also gets punished for any bad behavior, he had a tantrum at day camp the other day and as soon as we walked in the door he went straight to bed without even being told because he knows that's his punishment. I also put him in a special program that helps kids with behavior problems and it has really helped and it's a great support system for the whole family. Maybe ask your doctor or even the school if they know of any programs in your area.

Hope you find something that works for you soon, I know how tough it can be and the strain it puts on the whole family.

Answer 8

My little brother was the same way. We started to record him while he was having one of his tantrums. Later we would make him sit and watch how he acted. We would then tell him how it made us feel and ask him what he thought of how he acted. After my little brother saw the way he had acted and how bad he was hurting us and himself he slowly got better. But every time he would misbehave we would still do the video camera thing and leave him alone. He hated watching himself like that. He said it was embarrassing. My parents were also strict on discipline. They would take away our toys, put us in the corner and spank us when we needed it. Not all the time but when it is necessary. Good Luck.

Answer 9

First you should take a few minutes and look at your parenting skills. This should have been nipped in the bud when it first started. You need to set up a naughty chair and if he acts out, its 7 minutes with the timer. If he moves off the chair put him back. If he moves off it 3 times then you give the skin of his bottom 7 spanks with your hand and place him back on it. You may have to repeat the whole thing till he understands. When he gets in trouble at school, you use this time out as well when he gets home.
Good luck ( Connie mom of 4 boys )

Answer 10

I noticed you put "God's Way". Well, some ppl might get mad at this but my answer is what the Bible says and that is "Spare the rod an spoil the child." I don't mean spank him every time, but punching and biting is horrible, especially to his own mom. You might try some counseling, but just letting him get away with things is out of the question. Remember, YOU ARE THE BOSS. Be firm and let him know you mean it. Take away privileges, do whatever you have to do.