when we are in bars, coffee shops etc she stares at the most attractive man she can find - sometimes smiles at them too. I dont want to be a control freak but her reasoning is that she is trying to be aware of what is going on around her in order to protect me from any volatile situations and i cannot help thinking that she is taking the p*ss. This has caused friction between us butr she says i must trust her and that she loves me. Am I not to be bothered by all of this?
2007-07-06 03:44:31 · 20 answers · asked by mick271602 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh yeah and she says that I cannot look at women - although i dont and she is always accusing me of cheating - although im not. Could this be a defence mechanism?
2007-07-06 03:51:12 · update #1
You're g/f obviously has very low self esteem, both by accusing you of cheating and by eyeing up other blokes. She wants both you to see and herself to feel that she is desirable to other men. Sit her down and tell her that you love her, will never cheat on her, but you do not like to see her eyeing up other men. With some reassurance and plenty of affection hopefully she will no longer need to get her ego boosts from elsewhere....
And if this doesn't work, play her at her own game one night, and when she freaks, calmly tell her that this is how you feel every time.
Good luck :)
2007-07-06 04:50:18 · answer #1 · answered by caribean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Emma G. If it were YOU doing the looking and smiling, she would probably be mad. This is what you should do: The next time you go out, pay no attention to what she is doing with the other guys...start looking at and smiling at other ladies in the bar. See how she reacts to it. The key is to not be so obvious that you are just doing it for your GF's benefit or you will not get a true response. Eye up a few ladies everywhere you go and if she gets angry with you then YES! you have a reason to be bohered by it. If it doesn't bother her when you do it, then maybe you shouldn't be bothered either. Just a thought.
2007-07-06 03:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by planetnoelle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I'd ignore all the negative replies you're getting here. You know what you're being made to feel & you know that you don't feel comfortable with it.......whether anyone else agrees with you or not is irrelavent right now.......the fact that someone else may feel that you should get your head around this & accept it - is just not important.....what's really important is what matters to you & what within a relationship, you're prepared to put up with.
Quite honestly I feel that when a couple are dating, they should have respect for one another.....we all NOTICE other people & sometimes we notice that other people are nice looking or not.....whether they be male or female.
NOTICING & LOOKING are in my mind totally different.
As your g/f is insistant that you not look at other girls, then why (I would want to know) does' she feel it's okay for her to look at other guys.
Maybe she's trying to keep you on your toes a bit here. Perhaps she's had a b/f in the past that has done this to her so as way of a protection mechanism, she's doing it before it's done to her......perhaps she's of the belief that ALL guys look at other girls, so in order to protect herself....she's doing it first....who knows the answer to that accept her?
The excuse she gives for her behaviour has got to be the worst excuse I've ever heard.....I'd tell her straight that if she continues then she'll be having to call on one of these guys in the future to spend time with, because I'd be gone.
Whatever her reasons are, if you continue to allow this treatment in your life....you will end up with a slightly fukced up head......no matter what else another person is prepared to put up with, you need to be listening to YOU.....you need to always be true to YOU.....there shouldn't be a compromise on it.
No-one would appreciate having that done to them.
2007-07-06 04:19:36 · answer #3 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be paranoid? Your girlfriend might feel a little insecure and looks at other guys for re-assurance OR she hasnt found mr right yet......
Dont want to upset you at all but i know from past experience, when i am in a relationship and i know he isnt the one, my eyes also wonder, however, when i have been madly in love i only have eyes for him.
Good luck x
2007-07-06 03:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by sian E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, move on! This is a controlling characteristic.
Don't stand for it. Noticing attractive people is understandable but smiling and flirting with them is taking it to another level. It's called DISRESPECT!
The controlling nature is her saying that YOU can't recognize or acknowledge attractive women but it's ok for her to act like an *** in front of you. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually got a phone number secretly while she was with you.
Start dating a mature grown up, someone who is secure with themselves and with your affections.
2007-07-06 03:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by Sunny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just from what u say, I would go ahead and trust her. I mean just lookin is really....just lookin. If it goes beyond lookin, then u may have to take other action.
Relationships can't work without trust so u gotta just go with it. U might wanna joke around about it to ease the tension so u don't get the friction. Like say to her..."what, is that guy better lookin than me?"...or somethin similar.
2007-07-06 03:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well personally, if shes always looking at other guys and smiling at them, i would be a little concerned. But everybodys different, some people wouldnt mind at all. does she have a reputation for being loyal or disloyal? this is just something you guys should work out, and if it really does bother you, you need to confront her about it
2007-07-06 03:49:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is a few severe stuff. i think that folk benefit a recognition for a reason, maybe she's basically a flirt or was and individuals assumed different issues. you will desire to ask her questions approximately her previous relationships and notice once you have become your calculations impressive. in case you're you will desire to confront her approximately it because of the fact in any different case it is constantly going to be interior the returned of your concepts. even nonetheless, do no longer enable rumors get to you because of the fact believe is selection one in a relationship. wish I helped :)
2016-12-10 03:46:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should work both ways. Looking is harmless, really. It's only looking, it doesn't necessarily lead to anything other than someone looking back.
I'd be bothered by her not letting you look at attractive women, while she's eyeballing the good-looking men, to be honest.
2007-07-06 04:31:04 · answer #9 · answered by Orla C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex boyfriend used to do that and the best way I found of getting him to stop was to look at him, laugh, and say 'Oh babe as if someone like her would look twice at someone like you!' (cos they were always STUNNING)
Harsh but he shouldnt have been so blatently eyeing other women up in front of me! That stopped him anyway.
2007-07-06 03:50:22 · answer #10 · answered by Georgie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋