I have been seeing this guy for a month and a half. Things have been very complicated and based on circumstances we will probably never end up together anyways. We have decided to be friends w/benefits seeing each other about once a week with the option to see other people if the interest comes up. Has anyone done this and had it work? I am concerened about emotional implications but I do care about him so much and do not want to lose him. He is the one with all the complications, no drivers license, two kids, divorced, etc. I have been driving to see him so I pretty much have control over this thing, does anyone have an opinion or done the friends w/benefits thing and what were the final results or is it still going on? Thanks so much!!
2007-07-06 03:42:07 · 28 answers · asked by prettykitty0829 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It works for a while , but unfortunately someone ends up getting jealous and hurt when the other moves on to a steady relationship that outs the other or you end up hurting them and it will come back and haunt you if you ever meet up again.Also, who needs a commitment from someone that will give it out for benefits only.
You have to consider that you are being used too, and if it can't end well why toy with your and his emotions. Someone always gets swept away and hurt.
I would suggest if you are in deep like with the guy and you do not see a future with him, you are going to be the one to get stung emotionally from this. Please cut the cord and move on. You seem like someone that is ready for a relationship and self-sufficient. You can do what is best for you and get out there and enjoy what is available instead of tied up with complications.
2007-07-06 03:55:56 · answer #1 · answered by In so many words 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It usually doesn't work out, because its hard to be involved with someone of the opposite sex and not begin to develop feelings for them. You've been with him for a month and a half as you say, which isn't a very long time. My guess is that either of you might begin to develop feelings in the near future. That is when problems will arise if the other is not interested in being committed.
You also have to take into account the possibility that someone decides to see others as well. This isn't good for people that are the jealous type. I know that I am somewhat of a jealous person, and I'd never put msyelf in a situation where I'd be having to deal too much with my jealousy. Its a bad flaw of mine but its how I am.
This is not the type of relationship that I would reccommend for anyone, but to each their own right? I hope that it works out for you.
2007-07-06 03:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, of course it works! As friends with benefits only, and nothing more...
You noted that you care about him, and it's obvious he's probably not feeling the same. It's best to ditch him and move on to find someone interested in actually having a real relationship with you. Chances are you are not the only 'friend' this guy has, so you are putting yourself in a bad situation. He even just sounds like a loser, and unfortunately those are the guys we end up making mistakes with. Good thing is, you learn from it eventually. I say end it now, and don't look back.
2007-07-06 04:14:50 · answer #3 · answered by angelbaby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is a complicated one. I have tried the friend's with benefits game many times in the past. I used to call myself the "Queen of Exclusive Non-Relationships". It did not work well for me because it is human nature to get attached. I always felt I deserved more. I was never a priority. I am a true believer in the "if it is meant to be, it will be". If you KNOW in your heart you will never end up with him, do both of you a favor now and cut things off. Do not waste time like I did. I spent years with a commitment-phobe with issues. You can care about him and not be intimate. (This will make him want you more, because everyone wants what they can't have) Be strong! You are going to find the perfect man, without complicated circumstances that can give you 100% of what you truly deserve.
best of luck! :)
2007-07-06 03:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by andybugg2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The intimacy you have with this man is obviously something that you crave.
Women and friends w/benefits usually doesn't work.
Women tend to grow very strong emotional ties with someone they sleep with regularly.
And seeing how much you wrote you care about this guy, I see it happening to you.
Guys are usually different in that area, they can see sex as just sex, but women see it as forming a intimate emotional bond.
Ask yourself this.
How would you react if you drove all the way over to where he lives and found him in bed with another woman?
Would you be hurt?
Betrayed?
What if he was seeing this woman 2 or 3 times a week?
How would you HONESTLY react?
The answers to those questions should tell you where you are at with this relationship.
If you care about this guy as much as you say you do, my opinion is to try and make it more than it is, before someone else comes along and becomes important in his life.
2007-07-06 04:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can work, but in this case it seems like you're setting yourself up to get hurt. It appears you've got too much of an emotional attachment.
I've done the friends with benefits thing and had it work. For some reason, if you're friends first, it's easier. Might be because you aren't seeing the person through rose colored glasses.
In any case, be careful and be safe...
2007-07-06 03:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by Penelope Smith 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind tha this is a COMPLICATED situation. Yes - I think it could work if you both are objective about it. What happens when one of you meets someone that you want to be with exclusively, or if this new prospective bf or gf does not see eye to eye with you on the friend with benefits?
Be careful, you may wake one day realizing that you feel something a little deeper for your friend than you initially realized. SOmeone has the potential of being deeply hurt if their friend doesn't feel the same way.
Good luck...
2007-07-06 03:47:48 · answer #7 · answered by xfilekel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've had a friend with ben's for years.
He and I are extremely close friends, but not in love. Weird, huh? Even weirder, we're both in relationships (yes, our partners know and consent - we're poly/open) with people we love.
I won't pretend this is common. What we have is... well, rare enough that I have never seen anything like it before.
He and I are best friends, worst enemies, and two sides of the same coin.
So... can it work? Yeah. But you have to be careful to maintain it.
2007-07-06 03:47:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I supose it can, but it is very rare because sometimes (mostly with women), emotional feelings develp when two people become intimate. That being said, BOTH people have to be comfortable with the fact that you are not in an exclusive relationship, and you are just friends. Good luck.
2007-07-06 03:49:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's still going, and it's complicated. I find myself avoiding all feelings talk with him because I have become attached, but know he doesn't feel the same way. Now I'm seeing someone else too, and that helped not feeling attached...except now I don't feel attached with anyone. And...I don't know how to end it and still be friends. I know that wen we stop having sex, we will no longer be friends. It will be too awkward. It's like we're having sex at this point to keep the friendship going too.
2007-07-06 03:48:13 · answer #10 · answered by Svetlana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋