Men of Islam-- Question for you?

Question

I would like to know if you enter a (sexual) relationship with someone outside of your marriage........ Do you do it having intentions of marriage?... is it just sex on the side?....

I am questioning in particular about one who is deep rooted and into his deen. Struggles with his convictions..... yet keeps coming back-- says "when I smell you I feel it in my heart" "there is something in my heart other than allah and I need to work on that"

Is he telling me he loves me?

He thinks those that enter into second marriages are egotistical and arrogant.....

any thoughts..... all are welcome......

he has mentioned nikah before.... but says he can not really talk to me about it until I know what it is and all that it entails............

Answer 1

In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate and Merciful

I hope this message finds you in good health and spirits.

Please understand that adultery is a major sin in Islam as well as other religions. The only sex that has ever been permitted outside of marriage was with concubines. However, since the abolishing of slavery, this is no longer relevant in our times.

(As a side note, Islam came with many practical incentives to do away with slavery, which was something that commonly existed long before Islam. Even when Muslims had slaves, the concept was entirely different than the enslavement of Africans that took place in the West, as Muslim slave masters were required to give their slaves equal shares of food as themselves, take equal turns riding and walking, etc.)

It is not possible for someone who has a working and experiential relationship with God Most High to commit adultery day after day. Someone in such a state has not taken his religion from someone connected in an unbroken chain back to the Prophet Muhammad (God bless him and give him peace). Additionally, the concept of the "ends justifying the means" doesn't exist in Sacred Law, so one can't expect any good to eventually come out of something that one enters into despite the clear command against it by God, Most Mighty and Most Wise.

When one falls into a sin, it has a deep impact on the heart that allows more sins to come easier and not seem as gross as they once did. Similarly, acts of obedience allow for the heart to become pure and build up a wall of defense against falling into sin. When he says, "I need to work on that," it is very true. It is a good sign that he's able to identify this problem. If we knew anything about the hellfire, we would tie ourselves up in our own homes to keep from continuing on with a particular sin. In this case, when he smells you and feels something in his heart, he would be better off cutting off his nose than persisting in adultery. These are not my ideas, but rather the words of our Prophet (God bless him and give him peace.)

The best way to break a sinful habit is to change one's surroundings and break one's routine. Ideally, we should stay away from the things or people that contribute to us committing the sin. The sins that religious people commit are sins that just happen suddenly without thinking, such as backbiting or tale-bearing -- something spontaneous. Sins that require preparation work and are a result of planning and carrying out "A", "B", and "C" in order to commit such-and-such sin are not the sins of religious people, but are a sign of a need to really get one's life in order.

Someone whose love is for the sake of people is going to find heartbreak and a tough time wherever he goes. Someone who loves people for the sake of God will find things easy for him.

Entering into more than one marriage contract at the same time is usually not permissible in the West (America, in particular). I'm not sure from where you are writing -- a Muslim country, America, etc. However, please understand that a marriage contract is a practical exchange, whereby a woman can receive security and a man can receive sex -- things usually necessary and comforting for both of them in a healthy society. Having more than one wife is only permitted if they are treated equally. In the West, society leads women to expect certain things from marriage. If a woman is one of multiple wives, she will not get these things. It may be fun for a man for a month or so to have a couple wives, but in the end, everyone will be miserable. More importantly, someone will come out of the relationship saying that Islam ruined their life or "Islam didn't work in our family." In other words, it could lead to disbelief. For these reasons, it is usually not permissible for a man to take more than one wife in the West. In a rural village in Yemen, for example, where the concept of marriage brings forth very different expectations, the matter is very different and there may be no problem with taking a second wife. However, someone who abstains from everything apart from God, as well all should, should prefer to keep with one wife if at all possible.

And God Most High knows best. And all praise is due to God, Lord of all the worlds.

Answer 2

The Prophet said that one should not take a second a second wife unless he can be completely fair to the first..and laterin the same sura says that such a thing is impossible.

Polygamy in Islam sort of got twisted around men's wants rather than God's design. It is SUPPOSED to be to provide protection and care for women who would would not otherwise have it provided to them..that is, widows and orphans. In the Hadith it even says that one should not take a second wife unless it is of benefit to all concerned. Taking a second wife because she gives you a chubby is really only a way of escaping the problems in your first marriage and does not benefit anyone.

He obviously has no intention of marrying you, but he probably does have a definite crush on you, which is normal..even when you're married. The duty of a married person is to not act on those crushes, which he has obviously failed at.

When man and woman are alone, there is always a third between them. In the course of my engagement to a Muslim man, I have learned this to be very much true, and am always grateful to his friends and family that sit with us and come with us on "dates". We're simply not to be trusted when we're left alone. We both know that and understand that, and the temptation gets worse as we approach the wedding day because there's a very distinct "We're going to be married anyways, so what does it matter?" thought that likes to creep into both of our minds when we're alone with each other.

He doesn't intend to marry you, whether it's because his wife holds the right of divorce for a second marriage or because he can't afford to maintain two wives or simply because he is a coward, or actually believes his "egotistical and arrogant" line. You need to accept that. He may have something other than God in his heart...but you shouldn't.

Take the nobler course. Raise your chin, pull your cover close and politely decline his advances. The great thing about God is, He is forgiving and compassionate. Take some time to sort things out, talk to God, ask him for forgiveness, truly repent of the wrong you've been doing and don't repeat it. It's a cruel thing to do to his wife to break up her home, no matter the circumstances of the marriage. And while he may still be married to her, his dalliences with you take away from the companionship he has promised to her in marriage. It's not a kind thing, it's not compassionate and it is not the example of the way God wants us to live.

Answer 3

I couldn't help but to respond to this question - I'm female - but you could use all the advice you can get.

This man is being hypocritical. He's letting the shaitan (satan) control him by giving in to hiw physical desires. It's about sex and that's obvious - "when I smell you I feel it in my heart" - that ain't love. That's basically saying "when I smell you I get all excited and my heart beats faster". :) Yup he's struggling with his convictions.

This man has NO RESPECT for his wife and his family, and even worse he has NOT RESPECT FOR YOU. If he did have respect for you he wouldn't be having sex outside his marriage and he'd be honoring you by not getting involved with you. He's not respecting you as a person. He is turned on to the idea that he's attracted to this girl outside his marriage and he's getting something that he doesn't have at home. Please heed my words! We've all been through rough times similar to these and it's very painful, but don't fall for his words. Even though he may think he's speaking from his heart he isn't. How do I know? I've gone through a similar thing long ago.

Take the advice you see here from these people. It will save you.

Answer 4

You don't seem to be describing any Muslim guys i do know. Although i'm a Scottish Muslim my husband is Algerian and that's no longer a correct description of him, his father, his brothers, his uncles or his peers. They are all very respectful, NEVER have hit there spouse's (if any one hit one among there sisters , cousin and even buddies the person that did it might have critical penalties to his movements. They might no longer stand for it), I have certainly not been dealt with like livestock, I'm no longer oppressed and my husband makes me think some distance from that, we do not need a rapid succession of kids and neither do his brothers. I handiest understand of peaceable, tranquil and harmonious marriages for the entire Muslim guys and ladies i do know. The Muslim guys i do know are the excellent of guys i've ever identified. As a lady in Islam i think particularly revered and included. I have no idea wherein you get your know-how from however that has no longer and isn't my revel in of Muslim guys in any respect. P.S. My husband stocks the entire housekeeping with me and that i certainly not was once a dish in my house, ever!

Answer 5

it is absolutely not Islamic and haram to enter into premarital sexual relationships, in so far as marriage is not contracted.

Expression of love comes in several ways aside from sex which i think you should take a closer look at. if he is a God fearing Muslim, such lines "there is something in my heart other than Allah and I need to work on that"
should not be uttered at all by him, lest he blasphemes!
if he fears Allah and loves u, that can be accommodated in his heart.

2. it is also wrong to assume that those that enter in to polygamy are arrogant..... this is a practice ordained by Allah,, how can anyone ( Muslim or otherwise) denounce those that choose to practice it??pls advice him to desist cos it may also be blasphemous! Allah knows best

Answer 6

He is sinning, and he knows it. He may love you, but he needs to either marry you or quit the fornication and repent of his sins.

Actually, even if he marries you, he needs to repent of his sins first.

If you are Christian or Jewish, he can marry you. Has he expressed intentions of doing so? If he is already married to a Muslim woman, he will need her permission to marry you. Most women are unlikely to give this permission, but she might. Men who enter second marriages have varying reasons, but men who fornicate are willfully sinful, which is a type of arrogance.

I'd advise you to end contact with him - you will end up with a broken heart, better sooner rather than later - unless he will marry you as soon as possible.

I think what you say he said means he lusts after you.

Answer 7

Okay by right a good Muslim wouldn't cheat on his wife. By right any religious man or woman wouldn't cheat on their spouse. But it happens! That is why we are human we have flaws. Most likely his wife isn't doing something that he needs sexually so you're it sweetie. As long as you understand that its about sex then you'll be strait.
Also I would like to note, that even though this goes against his religious beliefs we have no right to judge him, that is between him and G-d, there is no place for our thoughts on his actions.
Peace be with you.

Answer 8

He's a player... dump him...

Islam prohibits any physical contact between two genders before marriage...
And he says there is something in my heart other than God?! That means he never wants to have someone else in his heart...

Most Muslim men who go around and have sex before marriage... are players... except if they aren't that Muslim anyways (like only carry the name and don't abide by most of its rules)...
They usually marry someone else and tell the other girl that if they were modest enough they wouldn't have had sex with him outside of marriage...

Answer 9

hey am a lady of islam...and to some extent i hav got more to say than the men above me said...first of all that is a total sin he is commiting...if hes married..it is a sin(adultery) to sleep with another woman without doing nikah(islamic marriage ceremony)...secondly in our religion ISLAM we dont compare or join Allah (S.W.T) name with anyone...doing that is another sin!! hes just a another mushrik(person who joins names with Allah's name) and does not belive in Allah.
for a man in ISLAM entering a second marriage (if need be) is okay as long as the husband can provide for both his wifes and kids if there are any.

sister if you won't mind...i think he is just having you on the side as a "fun package"...if he comes and goes back...he will never commit himself to u...plus as you already know that he lacks commitment to his first wife( may Allah bless her with strength)
i have seen many dis kinda men...cheating on their wifes....if it was me...i would either straight get the answer from him to a marriage or i would just leave him and not let him use me as for his lust only!!
if hes really into deen(which i think he fakes) ask him what Islam says about marriages and adultery!!! its in the HOlY Quran too...

Answer 10

Your question should start with :
MEN OF EARTH--QUESTION FOR YOU???

I don't know why you focused on the islamic side for this question, but for some reason i don't blame you, you can ask all you want.
Islam is not a mold or color that whom ever embrass it becomes it's model. there's who practice islam and respects it's laws to the maximum and there's who fail at some temptations like our friend here...he wanted to sleep with you and since you know he's a muslim he's trying to buy himself a reason, he should be slapped on the face and tell him to wake up, that's no matter to treat you or talk to you, if he wants you, he gets married with you, if he can't he should be walking away...there's no grey part on this matter, it's either black or white.