and also could staying with such person despite this indicate low self esteem? or just stupidity
2007-07-05 22:47:58 · 24 answers · asked by Ask ME 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
i mean "just because" you love them
2007-07-05 22:53:46 · update #1
No I would not. Love does not hurt. You should love yourself enough not to tolerate that treatment, especially if you have children. If your children see you being abused they may grow up thinking that, that is acceptable treatment in a relationship. Good luck. 2D
2007-07-06 04:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by 2D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not stay with someone who treated me badly.
Why would a someone stay in that situation?
Fear of the unknown, low self esteem, fear of the abuser, believing he/she is basically a "good person" with a temper problem.
Breaking the cycle of abuse is hard, but doable. They have to decide that they are worth being treated with love and kindness all of the time. Ultimately, the abused person has to find the strength to walk away.
It's really hard as a friend to sit there and be able to do nothing but listen to them cry. They have to get through the self-pity part and get strong. If you have a friend in this situation, you may want to get some advice on how to be there for them and help them find that strength to make a change. Calling them stupid probably isn't on the list.
to anyone who reads this and is in an abusive relationship- You can change the cycle. Once you get used to being treated like a queen (Hint: you pick guys who treat you like a treasure 100% of the time or walk away) you'll be so glad you made the effort to build a better life. Oh, and by consistantly and mindfully picking good men you won't attract abusive men anymore.
2007-07-06 06:06:45 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you are just kind of stuck in the relationship (esp. when children are involved). it's incredibly hard to leave. unfortunatly for me I've been in 2 abusive relationships, both men were bestfriends so I should have known. The first one tried to reform himself after I left him. He spent the last year and a half trying to make himself "better" so that I would come home. He died last year, I felt like crap...none of the abusive mattered to me then. Now I go through days where I remember the abuse and I hate him more then anything, and some days I miss him and love him. I just hate the fact that he wasted his life doing mean things to people, he could have been a better man...but he took it all for grantite. He didn't get to see his daughter for the last year and a half of his life because of all of this. I think maybe he would have done things differently if he had another chance to live, or at least I hope that. After that I got involved with his bestfriend, I guess because he was the next closest thing....and he is just the same. The reason I stay now is because I'm afraid that if I leave him and he dies...I'll hurt just the same as I did with the 1st.
2007-07-06 06:03:11 · answer #3 · answered by m w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex boyfriend used to mentally abuse me. I found the strength to say no and I left him. Even now, after years, I can't explain why I had such a bad relationship. But I think that it may happen once in a lifetime before finding the man of you dreams. Saying "no more, I leave you" was the best thing I ever did for myself.
2007-07-06 06:01:18 · answer #4 · answered by RisingPhoenix 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that people who abuse others physically tend to escalate their violent behavior. The cycle of violence is only broken when the person gets involved in anger management or some type of professional intervention.
The smart move is to get in touch with a womans shelter and get out of the situation before you get killed. Yes it does happen. I know two woman who were killed by the men they "loved".
You can leave and live then after the violent person has sought help, you can go back to a better and safer situation.
Good luck to you.
2007-07-06 06:02:00 · answer #5 · answered by Whoda thunkit? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my case, it was not "love". It was fear and stupidity. Though my counselor says it was well founded. He tortured bugs, cats, chickens etc. He found humor in this. (Including me) He threatened me. I didn't care about that. He would physically stop me from leaving. The real reason I stayed. He threatened my friends lives. I did not want to be responsible for that. I know now, I would not have been. It effected a lot more than my self esteem. For the person who said "never". Yea, I said that too.
2007-07-06 07:24:14 · answer #6 · answered by Ann S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say stupidity, or ugly, or fat, or a "loser". I would for sure say low self esteem. A lot of the times the abused is so manipulated by the abuser they really believe that this is the best that they can get or deserve.
2007-07-06 05:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by so Fresh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, of course not. If they abuse you, they don't love you.
It usually indicates low self-esteem, and a not terribly high IQ, but I've known some reasonably intelligent people who stayed in abusive relationships.
2007-07-06 06:29:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way
your low self esteem is more that likely to be caused by being abused and staying would be plane dumb
You know you deserve someone who really cares about you
2007-07-06 06:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by Max B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation for a very long time. I learned about myself that it was normal to take abuse because that is the way I was brought up.
To answer your question I would run don't walk out of a situation like that today. If you can't seem to get the willingness to do so please seek some help. You are worth saving and this could be literal. Please do not wait, most think it will get better and from my experience it won't.
2007-07-06 06:29:26 · answer #10 · answered by LDB449 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would never, but on the side of those who do...and decide that it's because they are in love....ahh, the smell of bull sh*t...
i personally feel very sorry for those people who are so co-dependant that they allow other people to control their actions involuntarily...
many times a girl will stay in an abusive relationship due to the mere fact that they are scared of their male counterparts...they depend on them for money..child support..false emotional structure..and pure self-esteeme issues..
it's so sad.
if you or someone you know is in this situation i encourage you/them to immediately get psychological help..and get out of that relationship, due to the fact that being with an abusive person not only hurts you physically but also mentally.
psychological damage is not something that can be easily cured...and it leaves permanant scars.
please use my advice...i've been there!
2007-07-06 06:05:11 · answer #11 · answered by christina s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋