So i am in a relationship with the same guy for a year in August. I'm feeling like he is someone I could easily spend the rest of my life with. We don't live together but still maintain a great relationship. But I am feeling in my heart that if we are so compatible and we get along great what's the next step. I never ever bring up the "marriage" topic but he has been making comments like "well I can't see myself getting married anytime soon." or the latest one was we were watching a program on how women make all the decisions on wedding planning and he said " well when I'm 85 and get married she can make all the decisions she wants!". So what's the deal here? Is he dropping hints that it's not time yet...or EVER. Does that mean I need to ask him if he sees us being married because I don't want to waste time on this relationship if he's just not that into me...
2007-07-05 20:09:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
ok also I am 29 and he is 27. We did talk about it in the middle of an arguement...(the only one we had) this was after dating 4 months. I said this relationship isn't working for me and spun on my heels and headed for the door and he shouted out...I even told Kyle i thought about marrying you...and I stopped dead in my tracks..we kissed and made up. Nothing ever brought up again. Now all these dropped hints.
2007-07-05 20:30:29 · update #1
I believe in laying my cards right out on the table and I think you should do the same. On my second or third date with my husband, I made it very clear to him that I was looking for a serious, long-term relationship and that I believed that after 1 year, both of us should know enough about each other to at least know which direction the relationship was headed. I told him that I didn't want to waste my time or his. My feeling is this: if you can't get to the point in your relationship where you are communicating freely and honestly, then you're not ready for marriage. You need to be talking to him, not us.
2007-07-06 17:22:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to find out his true intentions. Honestly this should be a 4th or 5th date question. you just simple ask him what their view is on marriage and how soon they think they may want to get married. If you get a response like this then it's probably a good idea that you need to move on. It's possible that your relationship will end pretty quickly after you and him have this conversation. I am glad that your not living with him. This makes it a little easier to move on. You also never mentioned how old him or you are. If you two are still on the young side that has a lot to do with it as well. Honestly if your under 24 it's best to wait a little longer. there is a lot of growing that still needs to happen. My wife and I got married when we where 22. there where times we both wise we would have waited a little longer before we got married, but that time has passed. We have been married for 28 years and are still very much in love. It is very possible that even if you are ready, he is not. this would show a commitment issue that he needs to over come. It's best you find out about it now before your 7 years in to the relationship and be decides that he wants to be with someone else and you have wasted all that time. This is a do or die situation. Have him give you a definitive answer. none of this, Yeah eventually I do. but not right now. that could mean like he said. when he is 85. Do you want to wait until your 85 to get married? If you have a good moral fiber and believe that sex should be done in the bonds of marriage then you don't want to waste your life. Sounds like your more ready to get married. I would find another guy who shares your same moral fiber and feelings on marriage. again this is a 4th or 5ht date question. My 2 oldest daughter (Both are married) told their dates up front, they believe in marriage and want to get married when the right person comes around. If they guy didn't feel the same way they would tell him that it was time to take them home and that they where not a match. Works very well. Good luck.
2007-07-05 20:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by gearnofear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a great opportunity here...you need to have an honest talk with him and tell him you're interested in marrying at some point--not today, but that marriage is in yoru plans for the future. Ask him point blank whether it is in his plans too. You know, he might be a great guy, but if its not in the cards for him, that is not a topic to compromise on...you want what you want, but so does he. You just have to find out what that is, and its not something to beat around the bush about...just ask.
My last relationship lasted 5 years or so, and I finally realized he wasn't ever going to get married, and though he's a nice guy, we just didn't want the same thing, and I moved on. As soon as I started dating my now-fiance, I told him I was dating for potential marriage, and if he wasn't, thanks, but no thanks...at least we both knew where we stood, and having a relationship with no guessing games is wonderful.
2007-07-06 01:47:20 · answer #3 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hints? maybe. maybe not.
But he is NOT ready to get married. I doubt that you can change this. it isn't that you are lacking anything, but i have seen both males and females who weren't ready to get married - even though they were with the perfect potential mate.
If you honestly want to marry him, you should pick a time that is reasonable to you ( 1 year, 5 years whatever) and ask if ya'' can set that date. If he says no, think really hard, because he may never want to marry you.
I know these are hard words, but you 2 may not be compatible on this. And, at some level, it has to be a deal breaker.
2007-07-05 20:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by nickipettis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The things he said about marrying when he is 85 etc. may just be jokes. You must ask him if he is serious about you. Do it when you are relaxed, not tired or tense, so that you can have a conversation, or it'll just end up being a quarrel. You could remind him of his talking about marriage, and ask if he wants to discuss it seriously. This is the only way you are going to find out.
2007-07-05 21:31:51 · answer #5 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A year is not very long. Tell him that if he has not made his mind up within the next year, you are out of there!!
Don't do what I did, and wait for 12 of my best years, to hear him say that he was never going to marry me or anyone else. Orignally, he wanted to get married when we were dating for only 6 months, and I said lets's wait until we feel sure that we can make it. Now I am 12 years older, trying to meet the right guy. It is not as easy as it was 12 years ago!!! Most of the good ones are already married by now!!!
2007-07-05 20:16:27 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
A year isnt so long to determine marriage. You should ask him about it but and tell you you recall what he said and if he acts like he is not sure then you got your answer. If you want a man to marry you soon then youre with the wrong man and the fact that he said "then she can make all the decisions" implies that he isnt seeing you and him together till then. I think he is using you for what he can get.
2007-07-05 21:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you just need to enjoy the relationship.. if in a few months you still feel the same and he hasn´t really changed in the sense that he may or may not be ready for marriage, then its time to let him go.. I know its hard, but if your looking for marriage and he´s not then whats the point.. Like i said give yourself a few more months...
Good Luck..
Bcn_mimosa from Barcelona, Spain
2007-07-05 23:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by bcn_mimosa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mine did the exact same thing. Minus the arguement. It sounds like he said that he was thinking about marrying you to keep you from leaving him. BUT.. if marriage is something that you want... you need to ask him seriously if he is willing to commit. Life is too short to be second guessing. After I really sat down and talked to my man how important it was to me, and he said he Never Ever wanted to get married. I excepted his answer because i did want to spend my life with him..even if we werent' married. ANYWAY.. two weeks later we were engaged. So good luck. (P.S. Dont' let him give you that crap he's too young.)
2007-07-06 00:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not dropping hints, he's just conversing. However, if you don't feel his goal is marriage, and yours is, then continuing dating isn't a good idea - you are just not the right match.
However, it usually takes about two years of dating to get to know someone really well enough to decide - for both of you...
2007-07-06 02:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋