I dared to question my gf about something and she panics, did I overreact?

Question

Earlier this night I logged on to a website where I happened to meet my current gf and lo and behold she added 3 guys as friends that weren't even there yesterday (I look at her profile on there as I clean out all my new mail from the site.) I ask her about it and then she tries to laugh it off, then she tries to throw me off by saying she thought it was weird that I was looking at them and said she felt like she was being checked up on and I told her it wasn't a big deal but then she made some hurried excuse and logged off cold. The last thing I told her was 'when is paying attention a bad thing?'


The whole thing is her and I have been together almost two weeks, get along great, are perfect in bed with each other, plus she always acts very nice and she is so intelligent. She has been so wonderful so far, I have been wondering where she goes wrong, and I believe this may be it. Her last PM for the night was she had to think this over and this alarmed her. Am I on the right track?

Actual PM thread
Me
i see you added 3 guys to your friend list
Her
One of them was on purpose, the others were an accident -- I hit some link and they just appeared.
lol
Me
yeah, i know what you mean
A+ grade material every one of them
i like the mullet on #4
loil
Her
lol
I'm not sure how to delete a friend, and it seems like less of a headache to leave them.
don't want to piss anyone off
Me
yeah
thats true
none of em seems like your ind
kind
and, after all you are Pming me and not them
Her
I have to say that I find it kind of weird that you're looking at them.
Me
they were there
Her
it just feels like being checked up on
Me
i just go on the site to clean out my emails
just was checking out your profile pic
Her
got to go.
ttyl
Me
all right dear

ill be on for a little longer
She has signed out
She signed back on
Me
, its not a problem
more of a surprise actually
Her
You set off some serious alarm bells,
I need to think about this.
ttyl
Me
when is paying attention a bad thing

Well I'm not worried about losing her, I just looked up her profile and BAM 3 guys on there that weren't even on the day before. I don't really think anything of it at all but the fact that she has been so great in every way you could think I am just crossing my fingers for some screwed up part of her true nature to come up to the surface.

If this makes any sense to you women out there, I find it hard to build any further trust in a woman who does stuff like this. Plus if it truly IS nothing like I figure it is, why would she get so bent out of shape, if she's up to nothing then she has no reason to be nervous.

UPDATE: Just looked at her profile on that website and all her friends are gone! This could either mean

A: She deleted them all since it risks her losing me

or

B: She took the friend list private and is only really upset because she got caught.

Still not a single peep from her yet, and I am sure she just made her friend list private.

Answer 1

You r not overreacting, and you are on the right track.
If she go mad at why you questioned about the new contacts than she is surely hiding something from you. Why would of she gotten so mad.
Keep that in mind. Just because you good in bed together doesn't mean that she's not good in bed with someone else. There is more to a relationship than SEX.....
Just be careful and don't let her hurt you.

Answer 2

Honestly, I think that there may be something up with your girl.

It's a little wierd to be sorting through her friends list, but her response was also a little wierd. You mentioned it as a off the wall thing & she starts to get defensive & make excuses. My older sis would do the same thing where she would add on guys, her boyfriend at the time would mention it & then she would start getting defensive. Guess what? In those cases these guys were men that my sister was trying to date.

I wouldn't necessarily break it off with her, but I would be extremely careful about how involved you get with her. You may just want to make sure that you are both looking for the same thing in this relationship. You may be looking for something serious while she may just be looking for someone to have fun with. Does she see this as an 'exclusive' relationship? How well do you know her? Did you rush into this relationship before you really got a chance to know her? Is one or both of you fresh from a different relationship?

How soon did the two of you start having sex? This is more important than you think. The longer you put off sex, the more likely a relationship is to last, meaning that you actually get to know each other beforehand to make sure that you are compatible emotionally instead of just physically. It also gives people a chance to get past the "honeymoon" phase of their relationship. Lots of people mistake lust for love & get attatchments to people that they really shouldn't be with. I'm not saying that you should be celibate until marraige, but at least wait 2-3 weeks. There are so many people out there that regret half of the people they've slept with.

If you really are worried, then why not make a fake profile w/ a pic of some guy (just some average joe off of the internet or a pic of a buddy that she doesn't know) & ask her out? If she finds out there's a good chance that you may lose her definately, but at least you will know what is going on.

EDIT:

Yeah.... she's fooling around on you. The comments you made really weren't anything to be worried about unless she was doing something that she shouldn't. I'd nip this in the bud & call her saying, "You know-- you're right, I thought about it & I don't think that either of us are ready for a relationship with each other right now". It's the best thing to do & I guarantee that it'll make her jaw drop. She sounds like she's used to being the one who strings along people. It makes it sound like it's her idea, but it's you who is in control. Plus you get the added bonus that the phrase "with each other" means that you could go date Sally from accounting the next day guilt free. (Not saying that there is anyone, just using it as an example)

Answer 3

You didn't specify what website it was, but it sounds like MySpace or Facebook.

Girls DO have guy friends! Heck, my best friend of 6 years is a guy, and there has never once been anything remotely romantic or sexual between us! If you want to have any kind of healthy relationship with this girl, you need to build a foundation of trust.

Here's the deal: would you have even mentioned it to her if she had added 3 new female friends? She is thinking things over because she feels you don't trust her, and she NEEDS to feel that trust...especially when you have been dating for only two weeks.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like she isn't ready for the commitment you are. Does she consider you her "boyfriend" or is it only you who considers the relationship exclusive?

That being said, she probably got freaked out because for crying out loud you have only been dating what 2 weeks and already you are checking up on her, and questioning her actions. That screams red flag for a jealous control freak, you should know, even if that is not your intent.

Give her some space, would you like someone breathing down your neck?

EDIT : yeah the thread you put up pretty much says exactly what i'm saying. seriously back off, 2 weeks is not a marriage

Answer 5

You have been dating for 2 weeks. I wouldn't be so protective of what she is doing...that is a surefire way to always have women mad at you.

Ok you like her and all, but don't take away all of her freedom...she isn't technically doing anything wrong, except leaving possible communications open if you and her don't work out...

Answer 6

It was the A+ grade material comment that got me. Two weeks is nothing. There's plenty of red flags for this girl. Ditch her! Dude, you asked total strangers for advice. I'm miles and miles away, yet I see she's a hoochie!

Answer 7

Two weeks is way too soon for you to start questioning her about anything. She probably thinks that you are becoming possessive. That is scary when you have only been seeing each other for 2 weeks. It makes you sound insecure.

Answer 8

2 weeks may be a little short to be questioning her but her reaction to your IM is a bit fishy. I think she is not being exclusive to you and keeping her options open. Granted she may have guy friends but her reactioin just made her seem guilty.

Answer 9

Golly.. two weeks? You must have your compatability all worked out by now.

I'd be guessing that she thinks she can do better. You might think it was "perfect in bed" for you, but I reckon she may be after bigger fish.

Answer 10

It seems to me that she is up to something and thought you wouldnt notice if anything she should be happy that you care, it shows u care for her if i were u i would just let it go... and see if something else happens but i seriously think shez hiding somethin