is it possible to mistake comfort and routine for love?

Question

if you were in a relationship with someone (your first love) and you loved them but now they kind of annoy you and you dont really care as much (but when you broke up with them you feel like your heart is breaking even tho you thought you didnt love them) is there love there or is that just normal break up feelings

Answer 1

Yes it's definitely possible to mistake comfort and routine for love. However, having said that, it's also normal for the initial intense passion to level off after a couple of years. (That's why many celebrities can't stay together for more than a couple of years. They are always looking for that initial high.) What replaces that intense passion is a deeper understanding and love.

The questions to ask are:

Does your ex have the qualities you are looking for?
Are you heading in the same direction?
Do you have the same life goals?
Can you see a future with him?

Perhaps you're still too young to know what you want. It's possible that you just need more life experience before settling down. Perhaps you should just get out there and meet a bunch of different guys.

As far as loneliness goes - it's normal after a break-up. It sounds like there's nothing really wrong with your ex, you're just bored.

Answer 2

When in a long term relationship, regardless of whether you are married or single, there will always be lulls. That is, there is always times when you feel that there is no spark going on. It is up to you and your mate to rejuvenate the spark. Perhaps you needed to take a nice vacation together, a romantic dinner, or do something different intimately, in order to get that original romantic feeling back.

There is always a hole left in your heart that was filled by that person, even if you have truly fallen out of love. The times you spent together, the things that you both enjoyed, etc... will cause you to be sad that things did not work out. The loneliness will also cause that feeling also.

Only you will know whether that relationship could have been revived, or that you had just become comfortable.

Answer 3

That is just normal break up feelings sooner or later your heart will cry for that person but you have to avoid that person. I went through that same position recently.

Answer 4

i totally understand. you do love him but you are not IN LOVE with him anymore.

thats why you dun wanna be with him but cant bear the thought of breaking his heart.

but than just make sure you really dun love them before breaking up. i nearly dumped my guy thinking i wasn't in love with him anymore but than a situation crops up and i realised that i still do..