My mom and wife do not get along well. How should I deal with this ?

Answer 1

Stick by your wife. I know that the other woman gave birth to you, but there is a time when you need to have your own life. If they do not get along, and it is time for family holidays, then take them both aside and ask them to stay civil for the time being. Ask them if there is a way that they can talk out their differences.

Answer 2

Make sure your wife knows that she does and will always come first-do this both with words and actions. If you don't do this first, get a suitcase ready cause your days as a married man are numbered. Then, make mom happy by making special time with her- a phone call to say hi, lunch, etc. Do not take time from your wife to spend with mom unless wife suggests it. Do not make wife join you when you take time with mom. My m-in-law and I couldn't stand the sight of each other for the first 5 years of my marriage. I didn't care if my husband spent time with her, just don't make me go along for the "fun." Eventually, we were able to come to an agreement to be agreeable and things worked out. My husband always let me know that I came first, which made it easy for me to not be bothered when he had lunch with her or chatted for a few on the phone. Until we were able to work it out, he minimized the time we had to spend together. I think seeing him sacrifice made us women realize that we could make life easier on him by just getting along. However, without the steps he took to not force the issue, we would probably still want to push each other off of a cliff.

Answer 3

Your mother and your wife probably have more in common than you think. Many men marry women who remind them of their mothers.
Tell you mom to step up to the plate and make the extra effort. She loves you and would do anything for you. Then tell your wife that Mom is trying to make an effort, and to try to meet her halfway.
This probably won't resolve anything, but it could be a good start. In any case, your mother has to realize that she is done raising you, and now you have another woman to boss you around. That was what she raised you to do anyway!

Answer 4

This one is actually fairly simple. Don't mix them together very often. At holidays, everyone has to be grown-ups and get along. However, the rest of the time should be spent primarily with your wife with occasional visits to your mom that you should leave as optional for your wife to join you. If she doesn't want to visit her, she shouldn't have to. Your first priority is to your wife, she's the one who's going to be by your side as your journey through life.

Hope this helps!

Many Blessings,
Lilyth

Answer 5

You do not give many details, so I am surmising. This always sucks. You have to find the root of the weed and pull it. Just keep in mind you are married, but your mom is always going to be your Mom. Even if you get divorced, or stay together. You can not make them like one another. But you can ask both of them to respect you, when they are in a disagreement. And not to put you in the middle. But if you are not backing your wife up, when she is in the right, your doing your marriage more damage then good.

Answer 6

You need to tell your Mom that you are married now and that your wife is your first priority. You also need to tell her that if she can't treat your wife with respect and be civil, then you will be pleased to talk to her on the phone, but the visits will stop. If you don't stand up to your Mom, you are going to be miserable.

As for your wife, just tell her that Mom is going to make an effort and to go in and be civil until the dust settles.

Answer 7

Most people will tell you that you don't need to take sides and I think that is bad advice. I have been through this and the best thing you can do is support your wife and keep her from having to deal with it as much as possible. She married you because she loves you and wants to create a new family with you. She is putting up with your mother because she loves you and you should make it as easy on her as possible.

Answer 8

Minimize the time they actually have to spend together. Send your wife shopping while you visit with Mom, or have Mom come lunch with you at work. You've got to make Mom feel cherished, but by no means, by no means, can you make your wife feel like less than a queen.

Answer 9

That is a tough one. I am a mother and I have a mother in law with whom I did not get along with (we do now). I feel that you should give your wife all the support that she needs to tolerate your mother so that you are not having to "choose" later. I would never want my son to have to choose between his wife and myself. But do please support your wife and give her constant reassurance of your love. Defending your mother to her is not going to help, but maybe you can point out things she did for you that makes your love for her(mom) special and maybe your wife can appreciate that quality in your mom and you and her (wife) can have mutually good feelings toward mom in that aspect. Good Luck to you and my hat is off to you for looking for a solution

Answer 10

I don't know the specifics, but in the Bible it says that a man shall leave his parents and cling to his wife. You are a married man and you need to be on your wife's side. You need to stand up for her because in God's eyes, you're no longer two but one. Your mom needs to understand that you are a married man with responsibilities to your wife and that she (mom) should not meddle into your affairs. Let your mom know that you love her, and let your wife know that you love her as well but than they are both hurting you with their behavior. Let them know if they love you then they will learn to get along and settle their issues as adults, and that you expect this of them. But be stern with mom, let her know that you fully intend to honor, love and respect your wife. She'll come around if she wants anything to do with you... --Good Luck!