I am very much enjoying the adult time we have and I like him very much. We've been dating a month and he's discussed meeting his family and I've discussed meeting my children but have not put a timeline on it. He's indicated that his last ex didn't let him met her kids for year. That sounds a little extream, as I don't want to give the impression that I'm not part of a package. My children are my entire world and to not involve them in choices that effect them doesn't seem right to me. I don't want him to be my kid's new daddy, but I don't want to get too involved and fall in love if he doesn't get along with my kids and vice-versa. What is the proper protocol in this situation?
2007-07-05 15:01:37 · 5 answers · asked by Goldie Locks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you are becoming a regular item then I think it is time for him to meet your children, and introduce him as a friend. If a relationship is going to grow it is important that the children are involved and acceptance from all parties concerned. Or at least a growing connection.
2007-07-05 15:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had the same dilema, though I don't think there's a clean cut answer for this one. I think it's best when you're ready and think he'll be around for awhile. Try introduce them in a casual setting, maybe with some of your other friends so you can see how he reacts to them without him maybe making a HUGE impact on them in case you initially don't like his actions or something around your kids, your friends are kind of like buffers i guess. This way they just remember him as someone that was with the group. After that I think just move on at your pace and at your kids pace. I recently thought I had found "the one" and introduced him to my son, though my realtionship with this guy didn't work out, and I wish that I would have eased into it a bit more, but I was so sure, and ended up being wrong. Just remember it's trial and error just like anything in life, there's no real protocol for this situation, and you're not the first mom in the world to date.
2007-07-05 15:16:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the one who has to figure that out.How long have you been dating?
I would start by spending the day in the park or at the beach and see how that goes.Take a picnic along and see how he reacts to your children.
You can progress from there if all goes well.Don't force him on your children.This will be strange to them for awhile.Just gradually add him to your family time and get togethers.
I agree that a year is too long a wait.
Good Luck to all of you.
2007-07-05 15:11:01 · answer #3 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not uncommon for a single mom to face this situation. While it is important for him to understand that you are "part of a package," it is also important not to introduce men into the children's lives who you may break up with in the near future. The last thing kids need is for a revolving door of men in their lives (not that I assume you have such a door). All you can do is use you own judgment.
2007-07-05 15:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by mjng814 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a guy, it seems like I'm telling them I don't want to meet their kids until I feel we're getting along and will "stay" together. I care about the kids first. I recently had a child of my own (5 years old) and I wouldn't introduce him to any women I dated until I thought I wanted to stay with them for a VERY long time. If a woman tried to introduce me to their children too soon I always took that as a negative. My sons mother (unfortunately we aren't together) still accuses me of not wanting to meet her son after we dated one month. She says it's because I didn't care about her and her child. Actually it was just the opposite. Since the child doesn't have a choice who we introduce them to I think we as parents really need to keep introductions to a bare minimum. I found someone I liked ALOT and when I finally introduced them to my son I could tell almost immediately it wasn't going to work out.
Another way after introductions is... If they want to see you but once they find out you have your kid that night they DON'T want to see you I wouldn't stay with them.
Thank God I found a wonderful woman that my son adores and she adores him. It took awhile but he's worth it.
Unfortunately his mother is dating a man he doesn't like at all and who doesn't see his own kids. Bad sign.
Good luck and Mahalo!!
2007-07-05 15:18:04 · answer #5 · answered by willplayrequests 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋