My fiance is a great man, but his mom has a hold on him that I don't understand??

Question

I'm a 40 yr old woman and he is 43 yrs old and he lives and takes care of his mom (his dad died 6 yrs ago). We are making wedding plans to get married next year in June '2008 outside in a gazebo. He does not spend the night with me because we are not married and mommy does not like it, when I'm over their house I can not go into his room for a long period of time because she thinks we are doing the nasty - I have more respect for myself and would never do anything like that. I do not have medical insurance right now, so he suggested getting married thru the County Clerk's office, but when I told him that I would like for him to spend the night with me, he said that he can't because we would not be married thru the church "mommy" would not approve. His 1st marriage was thru the great catholic church and that marriage ended in divorce, my point is that two people make a marriage, not the church. There is so much more, but I'm sure you get the point!!
I need advice and quick.....

Answer 1

Take charge, replace his mommy. He desperately needs a strong women to control him. This answer will be posted to the remaining 3 instances of this question that you posted.

Answer 2

First of all it sounds like he takes care of his mother or at least assists in taking care of her. If his father died, he probably feels responsible for the well being of his mother. One thing for sure, if you marry a man that has that kind of love for his mother, he will always be good to you as well. Consider where his mother's coming from. She fears you will marry him and prevent him from helping her or look after her. If the son is 43 the mother has to be near 65 or 70 and don't forget the mentality and morals of that time period, even more so depending on the geographical area where they live. Morals and standards used to be very high, now it is wham bam, first night sex, and that's pretty much it. Couples don't take the time to get to know each other or even if the other person is worthy of the most precious gift you can share. Sounds like he's actually a good one. You just gotta get your mind set where you do not feel you are in competition with his mother for his attention. Understand that it is truly a rare thing for a man to even care if his mother is dead or alive, let alone well cared for. Sounds like the father raised a gentleman and most of these people giving you advise don't even understand that. Your supporting him in the caring of his mother will only make him love you more. However, if you are insecure, immature and if you feel as though you are in competition with the mother, then you might give second thoughts but all you truly need to do is change your perception of the relationship between the 3 of you, look at all sides, then make your decision. I can't believe you would even ask advise from a bunch of untrained, uninvolved strangers anyway!!

Answer 3

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
My fiance is a great man, but his mom has a hold on him that I don't understand??
I'm a 40 yr old woman and he is 43 yrs old and he lives and takes care of his mom (his dad died 6 yrs ago). We are making wedding plans to get married next year in June '2008 outside in a gazebo. He does not spend the night with me because we are not married and mommy does not like it,...

Answer 4

1 he cannot get married thru the catholic church again cuz he is divorced not anulled,so thats his fault,not yours,let "mommy" know that 1! 2) I can see why he was divorced , the x probably ran from the whole thing, If hes a good companion,friend and lover,keep it as that and enjoy it with no strings attached,but know that there really is no "HAPPY" future with him,2 women cannot coexist in a mans heart,at least not the same kinds of love,much luck!

Answer 5

Your fiance sounds like a mama's boy with what he's doing. Because aside from being a good man he also follows what he's mom is telling him. His dad died 6 yrs ago it doesn't mean that he's taking over on his mom due to the loss of his dad he has to follow all what he's mom is telling him. He's too old enough to know on he wants to do on his life especially you are getting married soon. He shouldn't rely everything his mom is telling him. He has his own mind and personality to do and know what he should do and not to do. Now that you are about to marry he's still acting that way as if has no disposition on himself what more if you got married. Her mom will always intercede with most of his decisions in life because he keeps on telling you my mom says do this, don't do that. Well it's quite hard to have a relationship with those kind of persons. Most mama's boys are really good person because they use to follow what their mom is telling them. In that case there are differences between wife and his mom. His mind is always to get caught in between you and his mom. I hope his mom has nothing to do with his 1st marriage.

Answer 6

You are 40 years of age. You are asking us in Yahoo Answers, who might or might not have all the life's experiences necessary to give you a decent suggestion regarding (GASP!) your future wedding/fiance/in law. I agree with him not wanting to fool about before weddings. You should be sure of yourself first. He sounds like a good man , caring after his ageing mother. If all comes down to Yahoo Answer, I say cherish the love you have, as the world needs more of that to make this life a bit brighter. Good luck!

Answer 7

Your problem is that he's not mature enough. And a church is meaningless, it's nothing but a building made of stone, made by men.

If you want to marry him, I think you'll be battling his mom for a long time.

I'd suggest you find someone new who will love you and then you won't have to compete against his mommy.

Answer 8

HI THERE GO HERE


What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?
What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage? How far is too far for an ... What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex? ...www.gotquestions.org/before-marriage.html



Christians Sex and Marriage FAQ
Is sex before marriage wrong? What is sexual immorality? Can a gay become a Christian? Why get married, and what about divorce? FAQwww.born-again-christian.info/sex.marriage


Sex Before Marriage?
... site presenting why it is best to avoid sex before marriage from the Bible and ... But what about sex before marriage, what does the Bible say about that? ...www.geocities.com/srose_ix/sexbeforemarriage.html


A Tough Decision: What is Marriage?
It says that marriage is "an evolving paradigm" and... Mexico issued several same-sex marriage licenses before the attorney general of ...www.heritage.org/Press/Commentary/ed030804c.cfm - 37k - Cached



HI AGAIN SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS TO

ATTACH TO HIS MOMMY DEAREST AT AGE 43 YOU

SHOULD NOT WORRIED ABOUT HAVING SEX BEFORE

OR AFTER MARRAGE . YOU SOUND WORRIED ABOUT HOW YOUR FUTURE MOTHERLAW WILL TAKE

CONTROL OF YOUR FUTURE FAMILY MEANING YOUR

CHILDREN AS WELL SEE A THERAPY FOR HELP

CAUSE YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND IS LETTING MOMMY

DEAREST TAKE FULL CONTROL OF HIS LIFE . AND

YES IT'S A SIN TO HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRAGE BUT

THESE DAYS PEOPLE JUST LIVE TOGETHER CAUSE

GETTING MARRIED IS TOO MUCH OF EACH OTHER'S MONEY


POCKET . WHO GET'S WHAT ? AND YES TWO PERSON MAKE A MARRAGE WITH THE BLESSING OF GOD IN

THE LORDS HOUSE WHICH IS CALL A CHURCH AND

YOU KNOW, YOUR HUSBANDS KNOWS, AND GOD

KNOWS THAT YOU BOTH BELONG TO EACH OTHER AS

ONE WITH RULES BLESSES BY GOD BUT WITHOUT

MARRAGE ONE OR THE OTHER CAN JUST BE FREE TO

LEAVE AND COME AND GO AS HE OR SHE PLEASE

WITHOUT ANY RISK OF DIVORCE OR INSIDE POCKET

MONEY MEANING COMMON IN LAW COUPLES MOSTLY

EVERYONE DO NOT LAST WHY CAUSE IT HAS NOT THE

BLESSING OF GOD BUT HEY EVERYONE THINKS

DIFFERENT MEANING NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME BELIEF.


BE WELL BE SAFE AND IF YOU STILL THINK OTHER

WISE AND GET MARREID I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST

BUY ENOUGH TYLENOL TO LAST YOU A LIFE TIME

CAUSE WITH MOMMYDEAREST AND MOMMY BOY

YOUR GOING TO GET LOTS OF BRAIN FREEZE .


BE WELL BE SAFE
.

Answer 9

Where will his mother live? What will his responsibility be toward her?

I would have a lot of questions for him.

I don't know....I would be really hesitant to marry this man. Did he tell you why his previous marriage didn't work?

I would seriously consider pre-marital counseling before I married him.

Answer 10

omg thats insane. run from this situation. if your not his #1 priority, ditch him. a wife should ALWAYS be #1 if the marriage is going to last. who's bed will he sleep in at night once you 2 are married?? yours! so put your foot down and tell him he needs to make some adjustments!