How do you apologize to someone who won’t listen?

Question

Ok my car broke down. My wife’s uncle has to cars one he is loaning to my wifes mother. I called him to brow the car until my car gets fixed. When I called her to tell her I was taking the car she acted funny like it was her car. She calls today for the car tomorrow. I tell her I can’t because I have a doctors appointment and I have to go to work and the bus is not an option because work is to faraway. She wants the car to go to a party at the senior center. She wants me to call off of work and miss my appointment that I scheduled for a month . (note we have a strained relationship I never talk back to her because she is my wife’s mother but she upsets me daily) I got really upset and yelled at her and told her that it is not her car the owner gave it to me until I can get mine fixed so you will have to deal and hung up. I felt bad called back in an hour and apologized she cut my apology off and told me I was rude and she does not need me and she hung up. Personally I don’t care but this will end up hurting my daughter. My wife is a SAHM so we don’t need babysitting but we do go over there for her to spend time with her. She holds a grudge and will probably will not speak to us until Thanksgiving and that is not an execration . Like I said I have never blown up at her but my wife has and it was silent treatment for months. How do I get her to listen and try to be reasonable my job is more important than a party

sharing is not an option because of the doctors appointment she wil miss her party

my wife can't drive both of us because she can't drive and for sponsoring a taxi i can't afford it that is why i borrowing the car or i would have rented a car or took a taxi

Answer 1

nothing is more sincere than going and talking to her in person. it's a lot easier to hang up a phone than ignore what someone in person. maybe she's just a really sensitive person or maybe there's a lot going on in her life. be patient with her, tell her your side of the story, and appologize. if she doesn't hear you out maybe you need to clue her in on acting her age, and how this might affect your daughter

Answer 2

You're not understanding her. She's had the use of the car. She wants to go to a party. You are preventing that. Why can't she drop you off at work, and then pick you up when she's done. She's used to having it when she needs it, and you are coming in between that freedom. If she's going to a senior center, it's most likely VERY important to her, as that's probably the only socializing she does. Try to work it out with her, just to keep family peace. Ask if she can get a ride with someone else. Tell her you will drop her off. Anything to make it look like you are trying, and not being rude by "yelling at her". People just don't show parents the respect anymore like they used to in prior generations. It's truly a shame. I used to bicker all the time with my mom. Now, she's deceased. I'd give anything to have her here, and not have wasted so much time bickering over silly little things.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you can't she needs to cool off on her own and anything you say now can and will be used agaist you in mother's law. I think your MIL should grow up an realize that a doctors appointment is a little more important than a party although i'm sure she enjoys the seinor center...maybe there is someone she can carpool with. I know women like you have described. I am RELATED to women like that and i'm hoping that i'm not going to be someday(although i fear i might, i already have some temperments)I think the best thing you can do is writ ean apology letter explain how important the health of the family over extra curricular activities are andyou could get a copy of the schedule for the seinor center and try to see if there is anyone in the family who can help her get to her engagements until things go back to normal

the taxi idea was on the assumtion that she's closer to the seinor center than you are to work..therefore it would cost less for her to rent one...

Answer 4

Are you kidding me?

Look, forget her. Apologize. Just say "I'm sorry. I was rude" then go and live your life. It ain't that deep. She wanted the car to go to a party and your job was not that important and you're wondering about her feelings? At best you both could have worked it out where your wife played limo driver for the day, but if she just got a bad attitude, don't stress yourself over this, and think this is the end of a great relationship.

Just make sure when you return the car it has a full tank of gas and it's washed.

Answer 5

It doesn't matter that it wasn't her car..Couldn't the two of you worked out a better situation perhaps dropping her off or at least trying to find a better solution than yelling... ? It's best that you just go to her house with some flowers and verbally apologise to her and tell you that you acted inappropriately and that you didn't mean to act in that manner... That's about all you really can do and if she doesn't accept your apology than that's on her and not on you.... Just don't make any babysitting arrangements for awhile..

Answer 6

well, for all the good this will do, you both were wrong. yes, the car belonged to your wife's uncle, BUT it had been on loan to your wife's mom (which you then managed to pre-empt) yes, your job IS important, and your doctor's appt IS important, but SO IS YOUR MOTHER IN LAW'S PARTY AT THE SENIOR CENTER. you are, in effect, robbing her of her mobility and independence. had you thought, at the time you called the owner, your wife's uncle, of giving your mother in law a 'heads up' that you were in need of the car while your car is being fixed? was this just a 'fait accompli'? you say that she annoys you daily, fyi, you probably annoy her just as much (that's just how family dynamics work) is there a reason that your wife can't chauffeur both of you that day? or that you can't sponsor a taxi for your mother in law?
fyi, you really were rude to her, and thoughtless and uncaring. you say "it's ONLY a party", but, you have no idea what that party means to her. when you called her, what was your tone of voice? were you saying "SOR-ry!"?
the last line of your question says it all "my job is more important that a party"... it's more important to you, not to her!! it sounds like she's pretty much alone, and this is the extent of her social life. it's sad that you don't care about hurting your mother in law, or your wife, and yes, this will possibly hurt your daughter, as well. one thing, though, you use the word "execrate" (perhaps you meant "exaggerate"?)
which is interesting, since the amount of animosity you show in your question along with your behavior truly IS execrable (hateful)

verb (used with object) 1. to detest utterly; abhor; abominate.
2. to curse; imprecate evil upon; damn; denounce: He execrated all who opposed him.
–verb (used without object) 3. to utter curses.

i'd suggest you write a note, telling her that you were wrong, that you were being thoughtless, and that you are NOT trying to isolate her and make her miserable. i'd also suggest, NOT IN THE FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS OF THIS NOTE, you let her know your reasons for your behavior - that your job is important to you (and you assumed that she would automatically feel the same way, but you now realize that that was a selfish act) and, btw, since the car's owner is what, her brother, her brother in law? you could wind up with the nasty surprise of finding your use of it curtailed. be nice to her, really, what is your problem with that?

Answer 7

quantity one, his mom is probable mendacity. She probable overheard one communication and is now increasing on that to the two get information out of you or make you experience in charge. No, you do no longer ask for forgiveness to her. She is the only interior the incorrect right here. She invaded your privateness and the privateness of your boyfriend. She had no suitable to eavesdrop on telephone calls, recorded or no longer. She overstepped important limitations right here. in case you have been underage, i might think of in yet otherwise. yet you're 18, your boyfriend is 25. you ought to neglect approximately her and genuinely do no longer ask for forgiveness. If it have been me, on account that she did rather call for an apology (via voice mail), i might ask her element sparkling why she felt the ought to invade your privateness like that and insist an apology from her. Your boyfriend desires to handle this along with his mom. Why he places up together with her doing issues like that, I have no concept. Why his mom feels the ought to eavesdrop on his calls is much extra doubtful. perchance he desires to discover a place of his very own; that stands out as the ultimate element. remember, if his mom is like this once you're relationship, her habit will in ordinary terms worsen because of the fact the relationship between you and your boyfriend gets extra serious. you ought to deal with this firmly now. Her being the pastor is not any excuse for her habit.

Answer 8

I also reccomend writing either or a letter, or perhaps trying to catch her in her spare time, where it would be just the 2 of you. Sometimes ppl respond differently when they feel they do not have an appearance to maintain.

Answer 9

Unfortunately if she holds grudges then she will not listen to anything you have to say until she is no longer angry. You could try calling again, if you make a sincere effort and she is not willing then it on her and you may just have to wash your hands of the matter

Good luck

Answer 10

I find that if you send an e-mail or send a note in the mail, you can't be interrupted. So if you still feel bad and that you want to apologize I would send an apology. Good luck! :) -L