If you are in love with someone...?

Question

If you have been in love with them for years, and you know that love won't ever just go away...
But you also know that that person doesn't love you in the same way; and even if they did love you, the potential relationship could never be viable anyway...
Should you move on and see other people? Even knowing that your feelings for that one love will eclipse everything always?
Or does the love for that first person constitute infidelity to any future partner, and mean you should stay single?

Answer 1

I have dealt with this exact scenario... I was in a relationship for nearly 7 years with a man I felt completely connected to and at home with. There are no words to describe the feeling or bond between us. But despite our spiritual and physical bond, the issues of our lives were too much and we could not succeed as a couple. I realized that the best thing for both of us was to go our separate ways -- sometimes love means letting go.

I spent more than half-a-year after ending the relationship trying to get used to the idea of being alone. He moved to another part of the country. I started to imagine life with someone else, but when I started dating again, I inevitably compare aspects of the guys I met to my ex. I have to accept that the likelihood feeling that same natural connection with someone is very slim, and I consider myself lucky to have ever experienced it at all...

Now I'm seeing someone regularly, and we're developing feelings for one another. I wish I felt close to how I felt with my ex, but again, I can't expect it. There are other aspects of this new relationship that are much better than I had with the ex, such as maturity and communication -- and those have a greater impact on building a lasting, trusting relationship than whatever the 'chemistry' was that I shared with my ex. And who's to say that the chemistry between me and my new man can't be developed? It does seem to get better each time we're together, so I have to say I will continue to give it a chance.

By staying in a one-sided or dead-end relationship, you are selling yourself short. Nothing will ever feel quite like what you have -- in fact, it may feel better! You can't know until you try; but before you can move on, you have to take the time to let go of this person and re-define who you are as an individual outside of that relationship. You can and will love someone else... the love won't be the same, it will be different and better because of all you have learned about yourself and about what love is from the unsuccessful relationship. Good Luck to you!

Answer 2

Hmmm, you make it very vague or ambigous as to whether this was an actual relationship. You referred to it as a "potential relationship" So I'll answer as though it was not.

If you were in an actual relationship with this person my reply would still be very similar, since the other person is not returning the love.

I'd call your feelings very valid. Very real. But also VERY much "infatuation" or "strong feelings" and nothing else. Not love. Since there was never a "relationship" Unless I'm not understanding your question (it seems that you have admired this person from afar). The reality is that your infatuation or strong feelings for someone with whom you never shared a relationship with should not hinder you from truly falling in love in the future. BUT BUT....... people can really get caught up in emotion and then all reality, or rational thinking goes out the window. SOO...your strong feelings can and will hinder (or blind) you from meeting that special person who may be genuinely interested in you NOW. Since you seem FIXATED on this other person who most likely will never share your feelings or pursue a relationship with you. Regarding the infidelity aspect of your question. Usually it's normal to have sentimental "thoughts" regarding a past crush or love. But in your case, if you're as consumed as you sound (thinking about this person), then for you holding on to "special emotions" for this person is NOT a good idea. And if you do meet a new guy, only YOU will know if there is infidelity in your heart. Save all that love for a "new beginning"

Answer 3

Im noty going to read any other answers, not going to cloud my judgement. Most people would say get a grip and move on. Im 39, the love of my life, im crying my eyes out already, big time writing this, is living with a 23 year old, i am still deeply in love with him, even though he cheated on me for nearly a year, I cant put the very special times to one side when i believe he must have loved me.I must be a dick. Move on if you think it will make you feel better, personally i know i wouldnt. Its ok to think, hes doin it, why shouldnt i, but i dont wanna, i wantehat special thing that isnt here anymore and playin yhe feild would only make it worse

Answer 4

Work on transforming your love into friendship for the other person. I've been "in love" 3 times and each time was different...after getting divorced very young, I thought I'd never love anyone again but I made a conscience decision to move on and date/marry again. Been married now for 12 years...lots of love, but different, and better than the first.

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Answer 5

awww.. i totally know how you feel. There were these guys that i really liked but they didnt even consider me as their friend, so much as their girlfriend but i would cry about them so much and i felt like i loved them.. it was crazzzy... i was scared myself, wondering why i was behaving that way.. i even wrote a love letter to one(embrassing) lol.. yes, in my own experience, i think we should move on because hopefully one day they'll realize and look back that someone liked them a lot but by then it'll be too late, we'll already have someone so it'll be their loss! ha take that boys lol. people say this a lot so i'm trying to tell myself the same and so i'm telling you, one day you might find someone that you truly love and he/she loves you too. I think I have been infatuated, but now when i look back, i laugh. No you dont have to stay single, as i said, there's a chance that you might find someone who you really love and they love you too. Take it easy... it's hard to figure out.. this love thing is complicated.. but in the right time, someone will love you.

Answer 6

I loved someone like that and hoped for 3 years they would change their mind and love me the same way. I was finally able to let go. It was hard but through trial and error I found another Love and now we are married. I still love that first person but not the same way any more

Answer 7

Today, now, no hesitation, tell them face to face how you feel. Sit down with them honestly and say you care for them in such a way that they are on your mind all the time. Don't be pushy, arrogant, or overbearing, just frankly and simply honest, and meet their gaze, but do not try to overpower them. If they feel the same way you have the person of your dreams......if not, then you have freed yourself from that hold by your honesty and openness.

Answer 8

Right now your are attached tot hem because you haven't looked beyond them. Pretty much you are blinded by your love for them. You need to take time and see people. Step away from them. If your feelings are not lust or infatuation (which can happen if you don't ever date the person) those feelings will remain. Do take some time away.

Answer 9

If you know that the person doesn't love you in the same capacity, then you have to move on. it takes time.. sometimes years to get over but you will never know if there is another out there unless you give it a try. God Bless and good luck.

p.s. I know gettting over someone you fell deeply for sucks and it's very hard ....but you will get there.. if you try.. I promise!

Answer 10

First you should make sure this person doesnt feel the same way as you.
Then you should move on. You will find another person you love who will love you back!
good luck!