Who here believes using a belt or spanking a child is more effective?

Question

Majority of Kids today are alarmingly turning into little B@sTurds because so many parents are using the pseudo-pansy alternative to establishing order in the house. Guess what? IT'S NOT WORKING.

It's not effective into setting the boundary between parent to child. Almost everytime I go out anywhere, I see them screaming obscenities to their parents, running up to strangers and touching them, perpetually mishandling store merchandise and screaming to no end!

Does Anyone out there in Y!A have any success in 'talking' your child out of turning into a miserable little brat? Seriously?

Answer 1

Well I think spanking them teaches them discipline and self-control. If they don't want to get hit again, then they no better not to do that specific thing that made their parents hit them in the first place. Talking to your children can work sometimes, but i think its going downhill. Some parents may think hitting is "child abuse", but the parents who are doing it knows their limitations.

Answer 2

There is no simple answer to your question. I used to think there was. No spanking, period.

Kids each have their own unique personalities, growing pains, and issues to deal with. The punishment for misbehavior for one may not work for another. Saying that one punishment, such as spanking, is child abuse is absurd. These are either people that have never had kids or parents that have had the luck of spawning or adopting an easy child.

Punishment example: Firm Talk
You get down to their eye level (often on your knees), get eye contact, hold them by the arms, and tell them firmly that they aren't to do something. You stay consistant in your message. Works for some. But other children "forget" within minutes of telling them. The fact is, some children either don't care what they were just told cause the punishment doesn't amount to much, or it's not a memorable punishment so they didn't learn.

Punishment Example: Timeout
This is usually used in conjunction with, and an escalation from the Firm Talk. The intent is the child will sit or stand in a spot (such as a corner facing away from people) so that they can reflect on what they've done and miss out on "playing" for the period of the timeout. The thinking here is that the more time they think about what they've done wrong, the better chance it will have to sink in. However, some kids are so busy crying their eyes out or otherwise thinking "why are you doing this to me" or "you're being mean to me" for all the attention it may gain them, that they completely fail to connect the punishment with the behavior. So, although this works for some, it doesn't work for all. They "forget" just like the "Firm Talk".

Punishment: Taking away assets or privledges
Another handy tool is to take away entertainment (e.g. toys, TV, etc.) for a predefined period of time. If the entertainment you're taking away really matters to the child, then this can be effective. However, there are kids that live in the moment. They cannot see 5 minutes down the road. They are so into "instant gratification" that they'll give up everything they have to get their way right now. If you're going to use this tool (like the others) it's important to carry out the punishment. If consistant, they may soon connect that their choices are impacting their quality of life. But then again, some just don't care.

Punishment: Spanking
This punishment uses the principals of basic physics. For every action is a reaction. You learn that if you touch the fire, it'll burn you. So, you don't do it again. The delivery of the punishment can be within seconds of the action. The line between abuse and punishment is pretty thick. There is a big difference to attempting to spank while you're own temper is out of control (abuse), to calmly holding your childs hands so they don't cover their fanny and then giving them a controlled slap on the behind. In fact, the latter is much more effective because it's a big production (the fear is in the coming of a spanking, not the actual feeling of a tap on the behind). The former is terrorizing because your parent, the one you count on for everything, just lost complete control and you're the target. Is this effective for all children? Yes. But, a well adjusted child would interpret the action as a lesson that it's okay to hit. So, don't use it on a well adjusted child. A child in which the aforementioned methods fail will get the message with the spanking punishment. And, this type of child knows that it was their actions that provoked the response.

Answer 3

While personality has a lot to do with it, I think the problem is not the lack of corporal punishment. It is that no discipline of any sort is being done in the first place. Some of the parents are as bad and selfcentered as their children. I get tired of the "pick your battles" argument. It is NOT OK to run screaming through a restaurant or a store. Not ever. For one thing, when they fall, they fall on concrete which causes severe injury. It is the parent's job to make their children behave in public or they don't belong in public. I see one Dad bring both his Downs Syndrome children out all the time. They are wonderfully behaved even when they have trouble venting frustration. I completely understand a single parent who has an autistic child who screams for no apparent reason. They have more on their plate than my ears. But that is not the case with most of the children who are not behaving.

Answer 4

This is a well query. Having been the sufferer of my father's beltings while I used to be a bit of lady, I don't consider that assaulting (hitting) a youngster with a hand or weapon (sure, it IS a weapon, now not an enforce) is something rather than youngster abuse. I have by no means needed to spank any of my kids. So they have got now not grown up believing that violence is appropriate. There are different methods to coach them to act.

Answer 5

As someone who isnt a parent but has been working with kids for years, I totally dont think spanking your kids is the answer. I mean am not saying if your 2 year old is about to put his hand on the stove and you go to pop him, thats a bit different than spanking an 8 yr old because of behavior. The problem today is parents dont follow through! I see it ALL the time! They just do empty threats..its ridiculuas!!!!!!! JUST follow through.

Answer 6

Spanking may work short-term but long-term it does not result in self-control. It only results in the person being scared of you specifically. If thats your only goal in parenting your kid then fine, your kid will do what you say out of fear of you. As soon as your kid gets out of your view in life they will have no decision making skills. Spanking is a personal issue. If someone hits you, you have a personal issue with that person for a long time. If you want issues with your kids, spank and hit them. There are a lot of other natural consequences that are better at teaching kids self-control. self-discipline and decision making skills. Depends ojn your gaol as a parent and how limited you are as a person. I see spankers as kind of 'limited' in their mentality, not too successful etc. But you do whatever you have to do. Its better that than some out of control little **** or some time bomb who goes off at age 21 the first time they meet a girl because they are so out of control in their emotions. Especially true for boys who need to be taught how to deal with their own emotiosn and not be used to deal with other peoples issues,.

DONT HIT YOUR KID WITH A BELT. You will see yourself as a lunatic and so will your kid. As soon as they are old enough to call the cops, they can charge you with assault. The best was best around the turn of the century behind the old woodshed. You would be a nutcase today if you start running around hitting your kid with a belt just as we would see a lot of other old methods. Let that one go.

Answer 7

I try and stay calm with my boys. I know from experience that when they are throwing a fit or doing something wrong, and I show them that I am mad, it only makes things worse. Either they get more testy because they know they are succesfully pushing my buttons, or they get scared and they start screaming. There is a definate difference between wussing out as a parent and just not being violent. You have to have a firm voice, and let them know you mean buisness. My oldest is three and he has had his moments, but all I have to do is grab him firmly (not hard, with intent to hurt, just firm to get his attention) make eye contact and tell him without yelling what he is doing wrong. I make our conversations short and simple because I know his attention span is short. The parents who go on and on " you shouldnt do this because I said that, and I I said this and you did it anyways what do you think I should do because you misbehaved.... blah blah blah" that doesnt work. It should be "Do not do that, You could get hurt, Understand me?" Straight and to the point. I allow my son two chances, I will tell him once, and then remind him once, but the third time he gets tme out. Three minutes in the corner with his little nose to the wall. My son is fairly well behaved. I am careful with what I do and say and how I do it. Usually the parents whose children are misbehaving in public have little regard for their childs needs and feelings. These people are taking their children out into boring places with nothing for them to do, wearing them out untill theyre cranky and then pushing them more. When you go out with your children you should not only bring their basic need (Food, Drink, Diapers) But entertainment. They dont get joy in watching you try a shirt on, or grocery shop. They need books or a small toy to keep their attention. (That Leapster has saved my bum a few times in the Health Dept.) And going out without these things is setting youself up for trouble. So when you see these kids in public do not look down on them for not spanking their kids, look down on them for their bad parenting and decision making in general.

Parents are letting their children walk all over them now a days because they are afraid of their children hating them when they get to be 13, or so. The problem is.. they will hate you no matter what at some point or another. But your job isn't to be their friend, it is to be their leader. Parents shouldn't be afraid to repremand their children in public in fear of what others will think. The people looking down on them in the future wil realise you were in the right after all when their 10 year old is cursing them out, having sex, and doing drugs. And if you fail to correct them in public then that will be the time where the behave badly. Because they know you will not say anything.

There have been times when I have popped my son in the bum, but never a violent spanking. He hasn't ever done anything deserving of it. You have to start disciplining your children from a very young age. Not just suddenly decide at 3 years old they are walking all over you and you want to be the boss.

Answer 8

It needs to be talking coup[led with lack of privileges- there ARE other things to do, in between talking and using violence! Take away tv, video games, friends, favorite toys...many, mnay things to do besides getting your child to 'cower' under your authority by using violence. One of my favorites a friend turned me onto- physical labor as punishment- for example, my son, talking about his new teacher, called her a '*****', so since he wanted to have a trashy mouth, he got gloves and a garbage bag and had to pick up all trash around and on the edge of the street. That was last summer- haven't heard the word since. Weeding and picking up after the dogs are favorites in my house too for misbehavior...


You talk about boundaries, but spanking or using a belt (too much, IMO) teach your child there are no boundaries- you teach them not to hit other kids or adults, than you go and smack them, shattering any sense of trust or personal boundaries. I think belts and spanking are for parents at their wits' end who haven't the patience or knowledge to explore other options. I'm less hard against spanking, not my thing, I think too many parents use it too often, I think using a belt is child abuse, plain and simple.

I think anyone who uses spanking, slapping, etc regularly as a way to 'treach' their child is lazy and ignorant.

Answer 9

I don't believe in using a belt, but if my kids step out of line you best believe I'll whoop them. They have one chance, if they don't listen the first time when I tell them something, the second time they WILL get spanked.

Answer 10

I am soooooooooo with you! My parents taught me boundaries, and I got my share of welts on my butt. But people are having kids much earlier in their lives now too. I think that has just as much to do with all the little brats running around as the lack of discipline theory!