trust?????

Question

I find it so hard to trust ppl.. because i always find out ive been lied to or i get stabbed in the back.. I love my partner to death and i know how much he cares for me but he still tells me lies accaisionally although they arnt that bad, like he will lie about what he did in a day to impress me.. but lies are lies.. i am starting not to trust him and i get all paranoid and ask alot of questions to catch him out i just wanna know how to trust someone and not be so paranoid!?

Answer 1

I find that any lie has a basis in a problem that the perpetrator has. eg. he doesn't feel good enough for you so lies a little to make you think better of him. Also maybe he lies a little about other things because he is scared to lose you. Look for the reason and sort that and the rest will fall into place. Sounds as if you have quite a guy there. Don't underestimate him. THink that the true trust problem may be on his side if you follow my logic. Let him see that he is terrific just the way he is and he won't feel the need to fib to get your approval and respect. Seems to me that your relationship is growing every time you put a question up. Don't quit on it. You are finding out what it means about having to work at a relationship to make it work.

Answer 2

I know what you going through. Trust is a hard thing to have especially if you've been burned. The biggest fear with trusting someone is if they let you down. I would first sit down with him and let your man now how you feel because he wont know what your issue are unless you tell him. Second, try to effectively get across your point so that he fully understands your ordeal. Once you put everything on the line, its up to him if he will do what ne needs to do as your man to make you feel secure with him. As you said a lie is a lie, so if he telling little meaningless lies, it makes you wonder about the important lies, like where were you last night ? or, Is she really your cousin ? (LOL) But for real, let him know the petty lies need to stop, because he will get comfortable and start telling serious lies, SO put your foot down, you can't play with these men folks now a days! Do what you gotta do girl!

Answer 3

if he will lie about the smallest things, he is a lier regardless!!! my fiance is the same way. i dont care about his lies because what is done in the dark will always come to the light. As long as he not lieing about other women or you catching him up in lies that might hurt your relationship, dont worry about it. when he lie and you know it,just look at him and smile and say ok baby and jump to another subject. he will know that you know that he is lieing and eventually he will stop because he will look like a fool telling lies and you already know the truth.

Answer 4

well it is hard to trust someone that lies to you. You don't lie especially about non-important things like that. If you accept each other there is no need to impress with lies cuz if it gets real serious then those lies have to come out. granted small lies everyone has told i understand but to me lying about your day is just dumb!

Answer 5

Some people go through expiriances that lowers their trust level. Just try not to be so paranoid. About your husband, I find that wierd. He shouldnt lie to you, and thats right, Lies are Lies. Tell him it bothers you to stop...

Answer 6

Miss Bear, I am with you hon, a lie is still a lie wether it is called tender or white and even when some people deny ! But what can we do, people are human beings. Human beings are many things, perfect not among them ! We just have to minimize them and let the others go ! But I know, I choose not to lie too ! Life is all about choices ! ! !

Answer 7

I was much the same. The only way you can gain trust in him is if he is always as honest as possible with him. Explain to him that honesty matters to you---that each time you catch him in a lie, any lie, it hurts that trust that you want to have in him. Once trust is lost, it's much harder to build it up. You can't stop being paranoid until he starts being honest. You can't trust someone until he is worthy of trust. Tell him that.

Answer 8

well, i have to say i don't have a straight relationship, but trusting someone is always same no matter what your sexual choice is. i think you shouldn't push him too much, set him free a bit. Don't pay too much attention to small details and don't look for answers for everything. You are saying you became paranoid, it isn't Good sign cause it will destroy your relation. take things easy, one at a time,remember whatever you do ,do not pressurize him, that might destroy everything you gained till now. good luck :)

Answer 9

IN A RELATIONSHIP . . . .

YOU JUST HAVE TO FULLY TRUST SOMEONE,
AND WHEN THEY ABUSE IT . . . YOU LEAVE.

Its really that simple. You are allowed to set standards for yourself. Do you want to LIVE "paranoid"??

Doesnt sound like you and he have the kind of relationship where its actually FUN to tell harmless lies to each other. IT ACTUALLY BUILDS TRUST , AND IT'S FUN!!!! You are not having any FUN and niether is he. . . . that's kinda boring. . . and its not pleasent or playful at ALL.

I ALWAYS lie and fool, and keep women guessing . .. .especially when dating or when I first meet her. I dont "abuse their trust" . . . I don't even let them think I AM TRUSTWORTHY. I make them WONDER for as long as possible.

SHE: "Are you seeing other women?".
ME: "Well those two sitting over there are female, aren't they?"

SHE: "Do you think I am pretty?"
ME: "Do we have any pretzels??"

SHE: "C'mon be serious."
ME: "What do you mean "serious"? Serious is for people who don't know how to have any FUN".

. . . . and so on. You follow??

ANSWERING HER QUESTIONS DIRECTLY IS "BORING", AND SHE WILL BECOME SUSPICIOUS ANYWAY . . . SO I DON'T GIVE HER THE CHANCE TO TRUST ME, AND THAT'S HOW SHE NEVER BECOMES SUSPICOUS, OR BORED, AND IT ALWAYS REMAINS FUN!

Until we are in a REAL, REAL, REAL realtionship.
Then trust becomes something completely different.

IN A RELATIONSHIP . . . .

YOU JUST HAVE TO FULLY TRUST SOMEONE,
AND WHEN THEY ABUSE IT . . . YOU LEAVE.

:)

Answer 10

i feel the same way...buuut i dont think anyone can answer your question. unfortunately. u need to do it on ur own. i find it easier to keep to my self and my BF although same as you, he lies to me. has friends that are girls and i hate it...talks to them behind my back eventhough ive asked him not to. but i swear...i am trying really hard to just let it go. at this point i have a "whatever happens, happens" mentality...and it's kinda relaxing. if he has someone else..then obviusly it was not meant to be...and thats it. ---keep ur head up:)