I need help with my religion!?

Question

I dont agree with the belief system I was raised in, but I'm not in a position to dispute it with my family. I was asked to attend my house of workship with my mom, but I no longer feel any intrest in it.

Yes , something devastating happened in my life. I just dont want to feel guilty for letting go of my faith.I love feeling free to honestly challenge it and explore other possiblities in spirituality and religion. I no longer practice it. Because I distance myself from it, I've been able to explore the world in my own way, which my religion is actually against.

But I have to be quiet about it. I cant let them sense a change, a lady at my house of worship ( who has known me all my life) said I've changed. Even my parents have. And I acknowledge it, but I still need to keep this image up, until I am finally able to break away and do things my way.

Any suggestions? I cant stand my house of worship much and have no intrest in reconciling my stance with it.

Thanks!

thank you all.
I appreciate it immencely.
=D

Answer 1

I would like to point out the difference between religion and spirituality. Religion is just the ritual in which you express your spiritualism. You can be highly spiritual and never step foot in a church. It comes down to what you believe. If no "religion" strikes close to belief with you, don't have one. Your belief in a higher somthing is more important than the ritual.

Answer 2

I've been in a similar predicament. Honesty is the best policy. You've already decided to leave this church but you're afraid of being found out. You are hoping that you can come up with a way to defend yourself against the verbal attacks that will be launched against you once the truth is known. All you can do is explain to them why this choice is right for you. Don't get into who's beliefs are more right. This is about what you want for yourself and your life. Don't let them tell you that you are letting them down because that is not your intention. Besides, you are supposed to show your loyalty to them and not their religion. I don't think you have turned your back on God. Maybe you don't believe in him. That's not what this is about.

Your mom will try to get you to go to church so you will come to your senses. You can't go along with that because you are leading her on with false hope. She will be angrier when she learns that you've been pretending just to go along. You will eventually have to tell her. Hopefully, it is without yelling and saying a bunch of things you didn't mean to say that hurt her.

I guess if you can't tell them that you're leaving the fold, you could get really busy at something or go on vacation or volunteer somewhere so that this isn't a huge shock for everyone when you don't come back. Too bad that there are more shocks to come when you start going to a new church (or something like that) and start dating outside your faith and start teaching your children something different then you were taught to believe. Might as well prepare for that. Lots of prayer for strength and affirmations that you can do this and that other people have done this and were succesful helps.

I wish I could tell you all the pieces will fall back into place the way they were. You will be left with a new normal with many unexpected perks and some tragedies. Keep the faith and don't let the anger overcome you. The calmer you are, the better off you will be when the conflicts come and they aren't able to rile you. They will see your courage of conviction. Don't let them tell you that you are wasting your time. You are on an adventure that you were born for and this is so worth it! You will learn so much and grow into the person you were meant to be. How do you know that god isn't causing this to happen? Tell them that. Who knows? It could lead you back where you came from eventually.

Answer 3

Kudos to you for asking. Kudos for recognizing that your actions and behavior affect other people. Thank you for being sensitive to that. I do not believe that an adequate answer can be given without an exploration of why you have developed the position you have taken. Obviously, we are not going to do that exploration via these messages, so I will just try some questions.
You have stated that you "have no intrest in reconciling my stance. . . ." So that is quite a hard position and limits flexibility.
As a youth matures, one goes through five key questions, and one of them is spirituality. If you are acting out your parent's faith because you were raised in it, you will have a shallow faith. One needs to experience the faith in a personal way or else life and all its harshness will undermine a shallow faith.
Most religions do not discourage one from understanding the world and exploring how the religion provides answers to the world we experience. Many people with a shallow basis do not understand that about a religion -- rather it is easier to disparage the religion by saying that "they don't understand."
Please do not be quick to discard your heritage until you have explored whether there is role of selfishness, laziness, or youthful rebellion behind your feelings.
You have changed -- is it for the better? Is your family better because of the change? Is your community better because of the change?

Answer 4

First question: how old are you?

If you are of legal adult age, your spiritual path is very personal. If it offends your family and you don't want to "rock the boat" then I would suggest you simply agree to disagree and leave religio out of conversations.

If you are under 18, you are subject to your parent's wishes for now - like it or not.

Spirituality is more than religion.
Religion is dogma, and not very personal.
You seem to be seeking a personal relationship with your higher power, and that comes from inside.
You cannot find answers from without, because the answers you seek are within.

Reach inside, explore your mind and decide what you believe. If you truly don't know those answers, you will need to visit other paths until you truly find something that fits you like a glove.

True Spirituality is a comfort, not a burden.

Answer 5

Hey Bro.
I dont know what your spiritual beliefe is just as long as you believe in a higher power. Im 25 and getting out of the Army in 2weeks so I believe that I have seen enough to make suggestions on your case.

I am what you would call a strict christian believer but in a liberal way :) You do need to keep obeying you parents wishes as long as you live in their house about worship n such but do not hide the person that you are. I know alot of people that try to mix there religion with there "own way" of life. You do need tell your parents what your going through even if that will change the way they see you or even the respect they have for you. Remember that if you do decide to stray from your current religion try not to stray too far because the ferther you stray the more you have to travel when you want to come back. My sister inlaw is dealing with this kind of stuff right now and she has two kids and she wants to do the right thing but she is still trying to hold onto the "her own way" and now its interfearing with the kids.
THe question is when are you going to grow up as an adult and make the decision to go one way or the other. Believe it or not lterally every teen goes through what your going through and im pretty shure you have herd it alot :) you dont have to grow up to fast but understand that you are your own destiny.
I would research your religion more and look at others (its ok) but understand where you come from. If you do believe in a higher power pray to him and be sincere and I beileve that he will answere your prayers. But if he doesnt anwere right away its for a reason and dont be mad at Him because I promise that He will bring all understanding to you if you ask for it and try also to know and understand the God that your God is.
Sorry for the hole Bible thump thing I know your parents might do it alot but just try and understand where they are coming from. They want you to attend worship more than likely because they are praying themselves that you might get somthing out of it or that maby 10 years down the road when you feel like life is completly worthless and has no point that you will remember those times that you spent with your family.
If you want to discuss more that would be cool.
Good Luck

Answer 6

Just because you no longer believe in your former "belief system" (religion), why do you think that means that you have to "let go of your faith" (belief in God)? Do you think that not subscribing to a particular religion means that you can't believe in God anymore? Before you give up on faith, please consider the difference between subscribing to a legalistic man-made religion and having a personal relationship with your Creator. Oft time, the two things are worlds apart!

BTW, I also can't help but think that your "belief system" might be something like Jehovah's Witnesses or some other type of religion that will require your family to reject you for rejecting their faith. I sense a bit of apprehension on your part that seems to be based on a fear of something like that happening. If this is the case, please consider the very real possibility that God is calling you out of that "belief system" for a very good reason. Rely on Him and he will get you through the transition. Remember the words of Psalm 27:10--"When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up." I've been where you are and this verse was a constant source of strength for me throughout the worst periods, when it all seemed too much for me to bear on my own.

Be encouraged!

Answer 7

Keep going and try to fit in. Consider it research. Listen attentively and see all of the outrageous contradictions that spew forth from the mouths of the devout.
I went (as an atheist) to a Christian high school all four years and the knowledge I gained was priceless. Once I was free to break away I discovered that I knew more about religion and Christianity than 90% of the Christians I encountered in adult
life. This gives me a tremendous advantage over people who want to discuss and debate their religion with me.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I think you're already doing the right thing - just smile and nod and go through the motions until you are free to break away.

It may be frustrating, but a lot of life is like this, actually. Think of this way: you're being diplomatic to your family to save everyone a lot of grief. They'll be unhappy when you leave and they learn the truth, but at least this way you're maintaing peace and harmony while you all have to live together. It's a very kind and mature thing to do.

Just take deep breaths and remember that your forbearance is the right thing to do. You won't regret it later. Remind yourself that it's temporary.

Answer 9

Just say no. And then go your own way cheerfully and with a smile, but without a backward glance and without apology. No need for any arguments or confrontations.

Nobody, not your family and not old ladies in your former house of worship, can have any more of a hold on you than you allow them to have. So don't allow them.

I believe in God, and I am a Christian. But I have no use for organized religion, which in my opinion adds nothing to my personal relationship with the Almighty except fellowship. I have no interest in fellowship when it comes to my personal relationship with my Creator. While others may benefit from fellowship in that context, in my case It adds nothing and just gets in the way.

It's as if I'm endlessly trying to have a one-on-one conversation with God and scores of other people keep trying to horn in on it, distracting me to the point where I keep losing my train of thought. Don't they realize that He can have billions of such one-on-one conversations with an infinite number of people without me or anyone else feeling crowded or even being aware of the presence of the others?

Answer 10

I feel sorry for you, because your family is not understanding, but search for love, because that is what God is, He is love. As long as you are searching for God, He will lead you on the right path. I was raised in a different religion than I am now, and it was very difficult for me to tell my family, but I waited for the right time and then I told them. At first they where very mad, and now that they know that I will never change my faith they accept me for who I am. I am a kind, loving Catholic with a good heart. There is a saying that goes something like this, Whatever your belief is be the best at it that you can be. I believe this with all my heart, that only God can lead you to where you need to be; there are many paths that lead to One God, find yours.