what can I do to improve my relationship with my Stepson...?

Question

I usually ask him for help around the house but he seems not very motivated to help even when it is minor or I offer some monetary compensation for it, "it is not my job" he often replies. When I suggest grounding by removing his "right" to watch TV for "X" amount of days he will still watch T.V. and the only answer I get from him Mom is "he does not listen". I have tried to encourage him to leave the couch and do something more productive i.e. read a book or play outside. My wife blames me for his behaviour since we have had a couple of rough years now due to jealousy situations but we have managed to survive but it is ok for her to let him watch violent movies i.e. "Mr and Mrs Smith", play video games that are rated PG13 and lets him slide when he's said bad words from time to time. He is 11 now and all I want for him is to grow to be someone in his life and not to struggle like my wife and I with low paid jobs and such. Money is not everything in life but a good education is!

I read from time to time and mi wife reads the Newspaper as well and I have tried making CD's for him with the music that he likes so getting to his level is not really an issue, I think!

The blood father has not been around ever since he was born and I will see if I can make an appointmnent with his counselor. Thank you all for your tips...

The blood father has not been around ever since he was born and I will see if I can make an appointmnent with his counselor. Thank you all for your tips...

Answer 1

I would try to get on his level. Show him you are intrested in the same things he is interested in. If he likes a particular band, maybe let him play a cd in the car or something. Also, unfortunately because your wife allows him to get by with these things you disagree with you are setting up a "good cop bad cop" scenario. He sees his mom as good, letting him do and watch whatever, and you a bad, making him do chorse. Obiviously this is not the case, but I believe you and your wife need to have a sit down and form a united front. Decide on what you two (as a team) will and will not compromise on from him, and set up rewards/punishments in accordance.

Answer 2

Stepparenting is hard. Even with the best of circumstances. Your stepson is still a child and needs to have limits set on his behavior.However if he has no other Dad in the picture, it should be his Mom stopping him from back talk and using foul language. I found when I became interested in what my step kids liked, we could talk at least. Its a beginning. Then you can try being his friend. Not by letting him do what he wants. Find out what he likes and maybe plan an outing doing that. (movie, games, etc) Even if you have to learn a video game you may not like for him, if he's already playing it, you can join him.Positive feedback is important.I hear what you don't like about him.How about thinking about what you do like about him. Then let him know. Parents aften fear kids will make the same mistakes we did. Not always true.If you want education to be important to him, it must be important to you too. Not his, but yours. Don't regret where you are in life. Take a course or visit the library. We are all cabable of learning.You have a chance to become an important influence in your stepsons life. He may not rememeber the rules you taught him, but he will remember who cared about him.

Answer 3

First and foremost you and your wife need, and I can't stress this enough, to be on the same page regarding the upbringing of this child. If you say something she needs to back you up, and if she says something you need to back her up. If you disagree, talk about it later and decide what to do about before the problem comes up again. As far as relating to him, you may have your work cut out for you there. I am going to assume you are much older and thus not interested in the things an 11 y.o. boy likes. If you try to listen to his music, or play video games with him he will most likely think you are "lame" or "just trying to suck up to him". You have your own interests and he has his. You can start by making sure you have a positive converstaion with him as much as possible. Try once or twice a week, then three or four times a week. Nothing with too much advice or parenting, just ask him about school, and if he says it sucked, ask him why. Try to be on his side, but if he is obviously in the wrong you can tactfully point that out too. If you only talk to him when he is in trouble or you need something from him he will always associate you with that. After a few months of positive talks he may start to open up to you more, and may even initiate a conversation with you. Just try to remember he is at a very confusing point in his life and will be for the next 10 years or so. You are not supposed to be his buddy, or his friend, you are his parent. You may be not his father by birth, but you are his father right now. Growing up my step-father and I hardly got along, but when I look back I see he really put in a lot of effort to keep my brother and I on the right track. You are not likely to see him make a realization like that anytime soon, but with some work on your end he will see what you have done eventually.

Answer 4

Sit down with your wife and stepson. Explain to him that you love him, and want a healthy relationship with him. When my mother remarried, I wasn't very friendly to my stepfather either. Keep in mind that it's hard for a young child to cope with having a new father figure in his life. As you mentioned, tell him that you want him to grow to be someone in life. Help him realize that you are struggling, and help around the house and less stree would help you and his mother a great deal. If all else fails, you can always contact the school's guidance counselor to talk to your stepson about the situation.

I hope I helped =}

Answer 5

Hi Amigo that's all the spanish you will get from me. Ok first of all your wife has not given you the power to parent this child. So you are going to have this problem till it is fixed it might be to late, one other thing if your stepson has a father that is around this will be harder he might hate you for being in the picture. This is what must be done your wife has to back you up when you punish your stepson. She must tell her son to do what is asked of him because he lives under your roof and he must respect you. If he dose not do what is asked he will be punished. My wife and I have a son he is not mine by blood but he is my son. When we got married it was clear that I could punish him as needed of course with in reason we first talk about what we should do and then do it. The father is not in the picture so it is easier. My son loves me and respects me he know that I am looking out for him and it is done in love. God Bless your family

Answer 6

I'm very sorry for this, but I think that your stepson doesn't respect you, because your wife doesn't give you your place as a father. The problem is not with you or your stepson is with your wife. As she stills the same way, your stepson will not change, and because you and your wife are having problems, the situation gets worst. Maybe if you suggested Her that you both get a Professional help to help you in your relationship. I think it is the only way right now to improve your relationship with your wife and stepson. If you both don't change this now, everything can get worst to handle. If she doesn't want to get Professional help, then maybe suggested Her to go your Church, (sometimes spiritual guideness can help to improve communication and respect in relationships). Good Luck

Answer 7

your stepson's organic mum and dad created the monster he's at present. it is YOUR residence and your regulations, so he will ought to are living by means of this. in the meantime, divorce has relatively an influence on youngsters, even 6 + years later. whilst you are having your speak, you could point out that you simply have an understanding of his existence has been became the other way up over the final years in view that of his mum and dad' divorce, and that if he ever desires to speak, you're inclined to pay attention. older youngsters undergo greater than the more youthful ones do, it kind of feels... and for longer intervals of time. i am hoping it really works out. his father rather demands to take an energetic aspect in his son's existence, adding being steady with residence regulations. take care, good enough?

Answer 8

Try asking your stepson what he would like to do, even if it may seem strang to either of you, its better late than never. And you and your wife should be a team, it wont help if the two of you dont agree, For example, if you say no tv, then she should help enforce it. Unplug the thing, Set an example, instead of watching tv, you read a book. It may take extreme measures. like removing the tv.. BEST OF LUCK....

Answer 9

I guess turning the television OFF never occured to you? He doesn't listen because no one has set down rules and enforced them. If he has a television in his bedroom of course he is going to watch it. He shouldn't have a television in his room to begin with. No computer in there no stereo, no game system. Set a time limit on how long he can watch television, be on the computer or play ames and stick to it. When time is up if you have to unplug the television from the cable box and store the cable where he can't get to it. Don't just allow him to walk into a room and turn on a television, make him EARN his watching time, or computer time etc by behaving. If he doesn't behave he doesn't watch televison. Don't argue and don't negotiate.

Answer 10

pegale