my B/f mother has striked again!! help.....?

Question

bf's mom, it's wonderful that she loves her grandchild,however weve known their family for a good while, & she knows i dont have family in our town, so i just thought she would at least adjust to having me & my son around from a prev. relationship, since they are a year apart and the kids live w/ me & my bf. i feel like she needs to include my son as her grandchild now. when we visit her home or she visits us, she brings toys and gifts for her grandaughter and not my son, okay fine it's her money, however these are children & they can tend to get jealous that one child has something & they dont , it makes me angry b/c i know she does this out of spite. she does this all the time. i even catch my bf saying comments about things,ie; he bought a puppy recently & he refers the dog as her dog, everything belongs to her & is all about her, it's not a jealousy thing, it's an annoyed type of thing, im curious to know how they will treat my unborn child? i just want them to recognize my son.

Answer 1

I had a son before I married my now husband. So I fully understand where you are coming from.

I feel that she is being rude, and maybe unintentionally doing that not wanting to step on any ones toes no matter how far away your other family may be. I would ask her if she would mind if your child could call her Grandma like the other grandchild, because it would mean a lot to you both( don't do this if you are not going to be with her son for the long hall though it would tear your child and her apart).She may also be exercising caution, because the bond hasn't happened yet.
My mother in-law started to notice my son bonding with her (he was 4) and he asked her one day can I call you Nana? She pretty near cried and told him she would love it if he would. He wasn't prompted by me, he just did it when he wanted it that way. He then ran into his room and made her a card with Nana on it and gave it to her. Also my husband and I went to her as well and thanked her for treating my son as their grandson.
Her behavior is like breaking a bad habit, it will take a few times maybe several before she stops showing preference. In the mean time do not bring attention to it around your child, your child might develop a complex or misbehave around her(disrespecting her or rudeness).
I also have 2 more children (legitimately her grandchildren) and they are very close with her ,and still close with my son who is older now. Your next child will be welcomed!
Keep your chin up and know that you have a legitimate concern and it can be addressed and things will get better.

Best Wishes!

Answer 2

It's awful that things are like this and that you feel this way. If anything I would talk to your boyfriend and ask him if he has any feelings towards your son. And tell him that you need to know whether they are good or bad. A good relationship doesn't come together if there are hidden feelings about something that is ultimately part of the other partner. Your son is a part of you and you can't change that. Hey may not have to completely love your son but he has to feel for him as he feels for you. Even if he can't quite accept the role of father towards him. At least not yet, but there has to be something there. Have him express his feelings in the matter and make him understand that it hurts you and even if it is a mistake on his part, then bring in the whole situation with his mother and have him understand that it really does hurt you. Who knows, it may be hurting your son too and this situation or it may make things more complicated later. Good Luck

Answer 3

Perhaps Grandma is a bit old fashioned. Seeing as you and your bf aren't married and her son didn't adopt your son she might not see your son as her grandson as in her eyes he isn't. He's someone else's grandson. So you were in a previous relationship and produced a son. Your bf was too. In this day and age of people moving in together having kids then moving on to another relationship having more kids then moving on ... What's grandmas assurance that your son will stay in the picture? So if it doesn't work out with you and your bf and you leave will your present son remain with your bf? Course not because he's not his son, he's your son and so your son is not grandmas grandson. That might be why grandmas is keeping your son at arms length. Time will tell if your new child will be accepted or not. Old people can be set in there ways.

Answer 4

You picked a real winner there. If your boyfriend is doing this and not accepting your son as his and including him in it then how do you expect his mother to? You need to stop worrying about his mother and start talking to HIM about this attitude. He will cause way more harm to your son than his mother will, although she is guilty too. But she may be seeing this from another viewpoint. You arent married and she may feel weird connecting to a child who may not be in her life a year or 2 from now. So if she establishes a relationship with your son and then you and your boyfriend part ways where does that leave your son and the mother? Is she supposed to continue funding him with gifts for the rest of his life?
Make your relationship legimate to start then worry about what mother is doing. Meanwhile you better find out where your son stands with this man before you commit to him.

Answer 5

that is sad and you are right kids should not be mis-treated just because one adult does not like the other. she needs to grow up in that aspect of life that the kids will see how she is and also learn from it. they can pick up and things like that and have a sense of not being cared for. she needs to put all that aside her and treat people with respect. you seem to have good judgment and i like that. and i do see about the bf referring to it is her dog and her stuff. what about it is the family's dog first of all and second of all i totally agree with all you said. you could have not summed it up any better than you did. keep your head up and no matter what know this, you are a great mother and seems to be and will always be better to your in-laws than she is. i know you must care for this lady and just want to fit in. i feel that way with my husbands family. i been with him 11 years and she has always told me to not have a child he has his to worry for. well now it is my turn. can you believe this she even suggested to her other son and his girlfriend to have a child. what about me. so see we all feel left out by in-laws. i will pray for you and your son. i am sure you are rasing him to be a fabulous young man. keep your head up and remember you can rise above it all. i hear you so and i have great admiration in how you are dealing with it. may your child that is on the way be healthy. lots of care and best wishes.

Answer 6

It's sad to say but your son will be treated differently, even by your boyfriend. You have to take the initiative to put your foot down with your boyfriend and then he has to put his foot down with his mother. Your son may be beginning to see the difference, and the more it happens, the more he will come to resent your boyfriend and even your decisions. Take care of this soon, because it sounds like all your son has is you.

Answer 7

sounds like a big problem. That's really unfair that they don't treat your child equally. Have you tried talking to your b/f about this? Maybe that would do some good.

Answer 8

you are so right . she needs to recongnize youre sone and youre b/f needs to tell her, this will only make the kids fight and one child will think they are better than the other, and thats not fair

Answer 9

Teach the kid(s) from your first relationship to call her "Grandma".

Answer 10

They are not going to. Get over it or move on.