I' m a little confused because my bf of 3 yrs wants attention all the time and wants sex everyday. I feel we have a great sex life but it's not enough for him and the other day he says to me that if i really loved him that when I'm not "in the mood" , I should-would compromise.... when one person wants "it" and the other one don't what/how does someone compromise? I said to him by compromise do you mean to have sex even when you know i don't want it? his answer "yes". Am I crazy because we argued about that for a few days... during that time he maid the comment go screw someone else and i said be careful what you wish for because it's only a phone call away he said that would make you a HO... I said no having sex when I don't want to just prove I love someone would make me a HO. and to boot if someone is not in the mood it won't be any good because that person is just not into it at that time and it doesn't mean they love you any less. PLEASE HELP ME. ANYONE!!!
2007-07-05 07:47:13 · 31 answers · asked by damifiknow 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's not worth it. That's the dumbest compromise I ever heard of. You're right! He's well...wrong!
2007-07-05 07:50:23 · answer #1 · answered by Dawn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This alone should tell you what kind of man your BF is. However, marriages are filled with compromises. Maybe you don't have sex every time your partner wants sex, but then you do something special like dress up in his favorite costume the next time or something. Or you find a way to get in the mood even when you are a bit tired. But remember that compromise is a two-way street. Sometimes you give in and find a way to get in the mood for him and sometimes he gives in and waits for you to get into the mood. But as a man, he should know better than trying to guilt trip the woman he loves into sex just because he wants it more.
2007-07-05 07:52:39 · answer #2 · answered by Blade_III 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
not worth it!move on!maybe in the beginning he was with you for you but once the sex life got better and better his expectations sky-rocketed! if he wants sex to represent love then he is messed up no offense! love does not equal sex and he should understand that sometimes you might not be in the mood and that is okay sometimes and it would be just nice to hang ouy with you or make out!i mean that is what my ex and i did when one of us was not in the mood!if he is able to call you a Ho he has zero repect for you and who you are as a person and stopped respecting you a long time ago!if i were you i would dump the deuche bag and find someone better who can make you actually happy w/o all the demands of love=sex sort of notion!
best of luck
2007-07-05 07:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by icycrissy27blue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. If you are not in the mood he needs to respect your feelings. Appears as if he is more interested in the sexual pleasure than the relationship between the both of you. His demanding that you give in to sex even if you are not in the mood is very self centered. Is he usually only interested in his feelings, needs and wants? If so, you need to look seriously into this before considering a longer term relationship with him as this can cause problems. He already appears to think you are an object he owns to use for his own gratification.
2007-07-05 08:02:15 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It wouldn't make you sluttish, but it would make you a liar - you boyfriend is essentially asking you to pretend to enjoy something that you aren't enjoying (at this specific time). In the long run, this sort of charade and lack of concern for your feelings would erode the emotional connection/intimacy between, and eventually the entire relationship would fall apart.
Of course being a part of relationship involves certain compromises, and you should be willing to humor some of his requests, but you should NEVER feel you have to (or be expected to) do something you definitely don't want to do.
It's definitely time for the two of you seek a sex therapist. She can help you find a mutually satisfying middle ground.
Meanwhile, tell him that you understand his needs, but you need him to appreciate that, for you, emotional and physically intimacy need to go hand-in-hand, and you can't have sex when you feel the emotional connection (concern for your feelings/interest/orgasm) is being ignored.
2007-07-05 07:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar situation. I usually want sex at least twice a day if i can. but my girlfriend has a very stressful job and is real tired or not in the mood sometimes, or just too busy.the subject of straying never comes up with us but She says that we still can have sex because she loves me and wants to make me "feel good". i think we've only done that twice, because its not good. it feels good, but i don't get the mental satisfaction because i know she wasn't "really" into it. she says its OK to do it for me once in a while, but id rather not if shes not into it. If your guy is willing to stray be cause your not into it every now and then then you need to talk to him. cause as relationships mature the frequency of sex inst guaranteed but each partner still needs to be satisfied.
2007-07-05 07:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through and no you should not have sex with him if you don't want to. Maybe he met compromising with him by going down on him if you weren't in the mood for sex. Talk to him that you will not succumb to his demands. Say you don't demand anything out of him so he shouldn't do it to you. Good Luck.
2007-07-05 07:52:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he expects you to "do it" when you don't want to just to show that you love him, that he should not "force" you to do it when you don't want to to show that he loves you. That street runs both ways.
Explain that there are times that you are not necessarily in the mood when you two have your fun, and you have no problem once in a while catering to him, but that you shouldn't be expected to do it everytime. Compromising is the key here.....
2007-07-05 07:54:16 · answer #8 · answered by Jackie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I have been in your shoes. Guys don't seem to get that it takes more than just a green flag for women to be interested. Women like to be talked to, touched on the shoulder or in a non sexual way...made to feel like they are more than just an outlet for their guy's urges and "needs."
My ex was the same way. He was only nice if he was getting some. He'd only agree to visit my folks, if he got some. As time wore on, I resented him. He got to the point where he was only nice until he w. as satisfied. I can remember crying while he was going through the motions totally oblivious to my tears. I stayed for the sake of our child, hoping things would improve. Eventually, I wouldn't give in to him. He told me he "was going to get it, whether I gave him permission or not." I replied, "That's rape and if you do it, I'll call the cops." I begged for us to go to counseling. Ultimately, I told him that was the only way to save our marriage. He said, "If you want an f-ing divorce go, cause I'm not going to counseling."
Water under the bridge.
I'm now happily married, but still occasionally haunted by those times in my life. Those emotional scars run deep.
Hopefully, your boyfriend will get the picture. It is not all about sex. Sex is a result of a loving relationship where two people value the other's happiness.
I didn't mean to go on and on about me, but was trying to relate my personal experience to explain my answer. I hoped for seven years it would get better. It didn't.
If he "really loved" YOU, he wouldn't be putting you in that situation. It sounds to me as if he was trying to give himself an out, by suggesting you get sex elsewhere. I think it was a veiled threat on his part.
You have three years invested in this relationship. How many more are you willing to invest at the expense of your happiness? What will he be like if you get married? He'll really feel entitled then.
Go with your gut...
2007-07-05 08:05:20 · answer #9 · answered by Believer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has NO respect for you at all. The only thing he wants is a HO. I wouldn't put up with it, personally. If his little needs are met he's a happy camper, without regard to how you feel. This is selfish, immature and just WRONG
2007-07-05 07:56:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
At least he hasn't gone out and found a mistress. Seriously, some boys have a fierce, constant need for sex. Could you agree that he get a masturbator to cool him down when you're not interested? Look on the Web for Robojac or the Venus 2000.
2007-07-05 07:55:38 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋