How do I STOP my husband from joining the Marines?

Question

I don't know when this all started but he wants to join now. He has been volunteering with veterans and disabled for a year now. He saw a documentary on some Montfort Point Marines. He has been dreaming of being in Iraq. He escaped all the violence of Chicago, where he is from. Once he was with his brother and they sprayed their car with bullets (a gang he refused to join) He studied hard and went to college and he has been doing good with his jobs too. He just got a promotion and they said when he gets his degree they will give him a job getting $50k a year! I told him I was concerned because of money and he sold his bike! He said that should help us out for a while. He feels that escaping the violence that he has been CALLED to be in the military. He said he talked to some young men and he feels "lazy" and "like a nothing". He says he needs to "help his country" Do what?
He has always been a Christian guy and a good man to me. We have been married 2 years and known each

each other 5 years.

How do I stop him? This girl I know said she stopped her husband by getting pregnant...I don't really want to have our first kid now, but should I get pregnant to prevent him? He keeps saying "he must go". Do they even have black Marines still, not just those old ones? HE COULD DIE PEOPLE LIKE MAYBE YOU ALMOST DID, PLEASE HELP ME HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP ALL THIS!

LOOK HE COULD DIE! I WOULD SUPPORT IT BUT HE COULD DIE! I WOULDN'T EVEN CARE IF HE CAME BACK BADLY HURT OR IN A COMA AS LONG AS HE CAME BACK BUT PEOPLE ARE NOT COMING BACK! HE COULD DIE!

well you have all given me good answers i am just so confused and scared

i really don't care about the money i dont need much i just thought if I started complaining about money he would back off the idea and he didn't!

i am glad to know they are okay with black people Tookie told me that there weren't any just in show parades..and she told me that 3 of every 5 marines die!

i dont know i just dont want him to be killed

Answer 1

Support him! He could die crossing the street tomorrow. He could have died in that car.

He is willing to stand up for what he believes in. He is willing to act rather than just talk. You should be proud to have such a man as your husband.

The military does not care what color your skin is. We have all skin colors. It cares whether or not you will get the job done and how well. It cares about having men of high moral character.

You are married to a fine American. Do not try to stop him from following his dream. That would be wrong.

Tookie told you wrong. There are plenty of blacks in the military. 99.3% of all troops return from Iraq alive. That's less than 1:100 that die.

Answer 2

First off take a deep breath and step back a second.

Of course there are black marines! Puhleeze. All branches of the military are incredibly diverse on all fronts.

What I hear is fear.............don't let that rule your life! Sit down with him and honestly discuss this. Make a list of his reasons to join, your reasons not to, pros and cons type of thing. The fact of the matter is that he could die walking out the door tomorrow. You say you are Christian's - isn't your God big enough to take care of him in Iraq?! Hate to sound harsh but honestly ask yourself that. My hubby has been twice - and nary a scratch to show for it. If it's your time it's your time weather you are in the States, Cancun or Iraq! (check out the Psalms where David says that God knew the number of our days before we were even formed in the womb).

The military is a huge commitment but it can be one of the most rewarding as well! Service to country is a noble thing and should never be ridiculed or feared, you can see parts of the world you might never see otherwise, and if you are willing meet lifetime friends, build a stronger marriage.

Getting pregnant won't stop him. He will either still go and you get to deal with all that on your own for a bit, or he will resent you in the long run. Children should never be used as a weapon.

Yes he might make less than his civvie job but is he planning to enlist or try to come in as an officer since he already has a degree? Make a difference money wise. Again make a list of pros and cons - $ per year civilian vs $ per year Marines, etc,etc - .....

You have a couple of choices to make - will you support your husband in the final decison (it's his not yours) as you promised in your wedding vows? (For better or worse, richer or poorer etc). Do you really see him as the head of the house/family? (Let him lead ... God WILL honor that). Will you trust where God leads him and you?

Your real issue here is trust in each other and trust in God not the Marines. After you get that straight THEN you can move forward weather he joins or not. If he does join hang on for a wild ride!

Answer 3

Unfortunately, people are going to do what they want to do. So in the end he'll probably join the marines since he's very motivated for whatever reason right now. I was in the same position 3 years ago when my husband joined + that was the last thing I would've expected him to do. As an ex military member (army), i'd have to say it's harder being an army spouse w/ children than an army member itself (i can only imagine being a single, activated member of the military is harder than being a spouse)...i didn't know it would be so hard. it seems to be more difficult when combined w/ the fact that I'm not one of the people who equates supporting troops =supporting the mission. I think Iraq is a waste of lives on both sides. There are many people on post, particularly wives who seem yankee doodle patriotic and believe in what their spouse is doing and are ok w/ their educational pursuits/career being put on hold. Certain posts can only offer certain degree programs--haven't been to any army posts w/ the faciilities for laboratory based course work necessary to complete a degree in the sciences/even a r.n. program. Anyway, I'm not one of those spouses although I wish I could be. I told my husband not to join, but he did. I still see it as a selfish act b.c. it's as if he decided our lives paths for x amount of years without considering my true feelings on the subject. I will stand by his stupid decision to join because ppl. make mistakes, and NOW HE AGREES W/ ME that the army sucks and the crap the army puts families through on so many levels, but somehow he sees good points in it. he could've gotten paid a hell of a lot more in the civiliar world w/ his skills, but he basically wanted to volunteer??? anyhow, I was able to help him choose a military occupational specialty as my form of input for this whole fiasco. it's not that bad and it's not that great, but if there are families involved he should realize it's just not his choice to make b.c. we get affected greatly by his decision to join...maybe he'll understand that before he joins/maybe he won't. But if you have any idea of what the better jobs are in the marines (in terms of applying to the civilian world and what kind of pay can be made from having that as a skill) or what position will give you a chance for a better duty station, perhaps your input will be an option. I just recomend someone to join the air force if they have a family (they're not as macho and seriously have better work day hrs. overall and less deployment time...plus how many air men and women make up the body bags from this war) or the navy (they deploy a lot but get killed much less than marines or army).

Answer 4

Well first of all no one should have children for any reason than actually wanting them. Secondly, of course there are black marines.
As for you not wanting him to join, you are entitled to the way you feel about it. However, I think you should be properly informed and not be schooled on it by the mass media - youre not getting any good or accurate info there. I dont see why everyone is jumping down your throat, calling you selfish etc. Last time I checked marriage was about two people, not one. Any big life altering decision should be made by BOTH parties. You have the right to be considered in this process since it is your life too, dont let anyone make you feel badly about wanting a say in your life with your husband. I think people often confuse support and agreeance. You will support him if he does it, that doesnt mean you have to agree
with it.
You should both get all of the information you need before anything is signed and huge discussions should take place about all the what ifs, and how things will work if he joins. good luck.

Answer 5

This is a desperate situation for both of you. Clearly you love him very much and if he was prepared to sell his bike to make ends meet, obviously he cares about you too. Evidently he has made an effort to improve himself and divorce himself from the negative influences that surrounded him. Sounds like you have landed a good man.

Like most real men, though, he will suffer the urge to 'prove' himself. This is an entirely natural sentiment, it is instinctive. It does not mean he lacks affection for you, quite the reverse. Having dragged himself out of the mire, he now needs to make his own mark and be seen to stand head and shoulders above the rest. He needs self esteem. Sadly, for you, he has chosen the Marines. For him, the Marines will provide the vehicle that will allow him to still the insect that is buzzing in his head. Serving one's country is, whichever way you look at it though, an honourable profession.

Naturally, you are afraid of losing him. You would prefer to see him in a safe, secure little job leaving home at eight in the morning and returning at the same hour each evening. The armed forces of the United States number in their hundreds of thousands, all brave citizens willing to do their duty but, statistically, there is less chance of dying in Iraq than getting run over in the street. The Marines benefit from some of the best training in the world and their Esprit de Corps is undeniable.

Which would you prefer, then? Watching your man die the slow agonising death of boredom with the attendant risk of returning to old ways for a bit of excitement? Or allow him to find his place and be at peace with himself knowing that he can look anyone, and especially you in the eye and know that he is a real man?

A career in the services is an honourable profession and if that is what he wants to do, after dragging himself up by his boot straps (because he cares for you), then I really think you should go along with it and support him. Who knows, maybe after a few short years he will have burnt it out of his system but he will be a better man for it nevertheless.

And his love for you will be so much stronger.

Answer 6

PPS go to http://icasualties.org/oif/
real statistics, real numbers
PS. I live in military housing. We are surronded by marines. They are of all colors. We have blacks, asians, hispanics, whites, all living in one culdesac, I know that the entire military is diverse. If theres one place you are equal its the military.
And not to insult your friend but that is WRONG! Completely false. 3 out of 5 marines do not die thats bull. Or whatever she said. All you have to do is watch the news. Even the liberal biased news. Millions of marines and solidiers have been through there. Less than 4000 have died in all the years we've been there. Percentage wise the chances are lower than being killed in a car accident. If the percentage was what your friend said it would be hundreds of thousands that would be dead.



If your husband feels the call of duty in his heart, then a pregnancy will not stop him. It might delay it or it might accelerate his plan. A child would only make him feel that he must do his part to make the world a better place for your child. Your duty as a wife is to stand by your husband. If he really feels this way then you should support him. Discuss his feelings openly and objectively. IS this just testosterone talking. What does he hope to accomplish. Does he plan to stay in the military until retirement? What jobs are available to him in the Marines? What rank will he start out as? Where will he be stationed? How long until you can move to his duty station? How soon until they send him overseas? What about your career. Is it portable? The military has a lot of assistance for spouses. You also have to consider you will be getting healthcare for both of you, living exspenses, ect.

The both of you should go to a recruiter and talk about your options. If you dismiss the way he feels or put down what he says then you will make him want to join all the more without looking at his options thoroughly.

Also I think it would be a heinous act to have a child just for the purpose of manipulation. That is so wrong on so many levels. Things don't always goes as plan either. Good luck to you both, and God Bless. If you would like to speak to me about this feel free to do so.

Answer 7

You should join together Marines...
So it will be two from five... No chance to be killed as Tookie told you that 3 of every 5 marines die!

Answer 8

Yes he could DIE!!! But he could die being a police officer or a fire fighter or an airline pilot or in a car crash. You would discourage him from doing one of those things if he choose too? It is his decision. My husband is a Navy veteran. I was and still am proud of him and for his service to our country. I loved being a military wife. And I didn't spend my time worrying about how much money he was making or if he was going to die in service. I say if he wants to join let him. We need more people willing to make that decision and not be cowards to defend our country.

Answer 9

You should be more supported of your husband. I am marry and am also a marine. I been in the marines for eight years now, is hard at times but for the most part I love it. you shouldn't be so Negeative about your husband joining the military maybe you should try to compromise with him and ask him to join the reserves? At the end if you stop him from joining he may end up regretting later in life and blame you for it.

Answer 10

First you should ask if you should stop him. If he really wants to join you should let him and support him. Now as far as him dying, we as Marines are given the best training and know how to survive. If you really want him not to go getting pregnant won't stop him. Tell him to talk to me or any other active duty Marine. Its not a great life. I can't pay my bills and I live in the barracks and I am an E-3. He would be financially better of at that $50K job. If you want him not to go tell him to contact me. My e-mail is [e-mail]. You can find my my-space with that e-mail.