It was my birthday recently and the people I'm currently staying (relatives) KNOW it. Apparently it was also one of the relatives' mom's birthday too. We traveled up to her place for the day of my and her's birthday.
We did a whole bunch of things that day, like shopping. Where they got the mom a gift and TOTALLY ignored my birthday (actually they got the gift like INFRONT of me).
That night when we had dinner, everyone knew it was the mom's birthday and said like Happy Birthday to her. And no one said happy birthday to me. (except for the mom because I told her it was my bday too).
Seriously. I dont think I have ever had a more aggregativing birthday ever, spending it alone would have been better than with these *****-wipes.
I didnt lash out or even slightly ***** out (which I really did wanted to). I mean I'm hurt. I know for sure I'll never come back to this god forsaken place again. I even helped find some of the parts of the gift for the mom.
How would you have acted?
2007-07-05 04:18:13 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
And one of these relatives is my sis...
2007-07-05 04:27:17 · update #1
For what it's worth, Happy Belated Birthday !!!!
You obviously handled yourself with great dignity, self restraint and maturity. I wish I could say I would have acted the same, but I'm not so sure I would have handled such a delicate and distressing situation with the amazing amount of grace as you did.
My (large) family has ignored / forgotten / skirted around my birthday for at least the last 15 years. I handle it by buying my own birthday present.
So to answer your question, when everyone was shopping for the mother's birthday present, I would have purchased my own birthday present, in addition to something for the mother.
I find something really personal helps - a ring, earrings etc, because the earrings wrap around my neck and my heart; a ring - I can touch and glance at it and truly believe I'm OK and that I can get through the day.
And if someone noticed me buying the present, or wearing something new, I would have been honest and told them - not to prove a point, or to hurt or cause guilt, but to ensure I maintained my own integrity and didn't undermine my own self-worth.
I sincerely hope this year is just a glitch for you. Best wishes for next year.
2007-07-12 23:00:40 · answer #1 · answered by warmsox43 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry that happened. They acted very rude. However, I can't help wondering, why are you staying there? Are you there as a visitor, or did you need a place to stay? If the latter, maybe it's their way of telling you it's time to go.
And, did they plan a party day for the Mom, and then you ended up being there? They may not have wanted to make her share the limelight.
Don't get me wrong,I still think they handled it badly, and should have at least told you happy birthday. But, you handled it very well, and stayed calm, which means they can't talk about you now.
As for your sister, let me tell you, for years I sent my youngest brother and sister gifts (we have different mothers and live apart) and cards for their birthdays, and called them, and never once did they reciprocate with so much as a note. Finally, the last straw was when I had my first child and got not so much as a card or phone call. I haven't bothered with them again. I doubt you have to get so drastic, but it sounds like some time apart would be a good thing.
2007-07-05 10:14:54 · answer #2 · answered by lawmom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some of us also have families that give us the short end of
everything. No matter how good and kind we are, we get the
shaft. Well I've always told people never to sit home on a
birthday or a holiday, if they live alone. But to instead get out
for the day or even the weekend,and do things just for y ou
to enjoy. Whether it's a trip to the beach, or a shopping trip
to buy something special that maybe a splurge. Just do
anything that makes you feel good. Who better to reward,
than yourself. And you'll like what you're getting and won't
have to worry about exchanging it later :)
Even if you have to go to a place that makes up delicious
ice cream sundaes. Do it and forget the calories. Just enjoy
every oozing sweet bite. And make it a rule to never be alone
on other holidays too. Especially the ones that mean some-
thing special. You only have one life, so make all your days
count. There's only one YOU!
2007-07-12 19:46:28 · answer #3 · answered by Lynn 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow ... that must have really hurt. I feel bad for you.
I don't blame you at all for being hurt. I also think you did the right thing by just keeping quiet. That must have been very difficult to do, but I think it's good that you did.
If you'd complained or anything, it would have ruined everybody's day, especially the woman whose birthday it also was. You definitely took the moral high ground, which is not an easy thing to do.
I'd let it go for a while; maybe someone will realize they forgot your birthday and will apologize and/or make amends.
If, after a while, it still bothers you, you might want to say something to somebody. Not yell and scream, but just politely tell someone that this happened and that it hurt you. I'm sure they'll understand.
.
2007-07-05 06:21:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to get AWAY from these nasty abusive relatives. If they can't even remember your birthday, one wonders how they treat you the rest of the time? Since you're sure they knew it was your birthday and they did nothing to recognize it even after the other birthday girl publicly acknowledged it they are obviously abusive nasty people.
Good wishes in this situation should have been given at the least. However, one should never expect a gift even in a situation where one may be given.
2007-07-05 05:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Thom Thumb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The relative's mom is your relative, too, right? So I hope you were gracious about celebrating her birthday. How can you be sure they all knew it was your birthday? Even your sis may have forgotten if they were thinking about the other birthday. Talk to your sis. Try something like "Since we missed my birthday, maybe we can go out for a beleted celebration dinner." She may feel bad enough to pick up the tab.
2007-07-08 15:18:33 · answer #6 · answered by SailorsWife 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is act gracious and keep your dignity and remember this incident for future reference. If you lash out, it will only make you look self-centered. So, I guess you just have to kind of forget it. If they are family, you can't cut them off. Everyone needs their family. Better to forgive and forget.
It also depends, in my family, when you turn 18 thats it-no more celebratory birthdays from family. (with the exception of the twenty-first birthday, in which everyone gets drunk).
If your over 18 and you haven't had one of those "golden" birthdays, then I wouldn't worry about it. Happy Birthday. If the mom was turning 40 or 50 and it was one of "those" birthdays, I think you need to get over it. You will probably get one too when you are that old.
2007-07-05 06:36:31 · answer #7 · answered by joeschmo 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
AWW sweety i feel your pain i shared a birthday with my grandmother (she passed away), and i now share my birthday with a nephew and the same thing has happened to me ALL my life. now that i am older (i started doing this when i was 19) i just treat and pamper my self on my birthday, this year i took my self to Japan. it still hurts that i basically go unnoticed by my family but at lest then i am not pouting on my birthday, and as a bonus people kinda of have started wondering why i get missing or started getting all "dolled up" around my birthday. so the short of it is dont depend on others to notice or pay attention to you, but YOU have to do it for you. but you did a great job handling it. a lady should NEVER show a temper
2007-07-12 09:17:49 · answer #8 · answered by shug 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I might've hurt, but be gracious and celebrate your relative's Mom's b-day. You don't want to take away from that. If you complain, it'll come out like a whiner saying, "What about me?" Either way, be happy that you were blessed with another year, and hopefully, you'll have many more. Happy Belated Birthday!
2007-07-05 05:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
What you may discover one day is that mom's b'day gets precedence over everything unless she directs the focus on the other person. That's just life.
You handled it very well and no reason to get hurt. If you can, go and do something for you. Celebrate your b'day and let everyone know what they missed out on when you do celebrate. Just have a big b'day week and make it all about you. At least this is how I would have handled it. But I become an immature 31 year old that reacts like this to such things.
2007-07-05 04:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by King H 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋