I passed out with my bf on the bed, and i woke up and he was on top of me, u kno... SO i just pretended to be asleep until he finished. I didn't tell him that i was awake, and he never told me anything about it.
Is that bad? Should i talk to him? What do i tell him?
2007-07-05 03:53:47 · 31 answers · asked by C12H22O11 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow, people are making assumptions and giving you advice when they weren't even there!
Listen, this is a personal matter between you and him. You say you were "unconscious", but the reality of the situation could be a little different. I say this because there are times when a guy or a girl starts doing something to their lover and the lover "responds" and "moves", giving the impression that they are "conscious" of what is going on. If your bf thought you were resonding, then he might have thought that although you were drunk, you were giving him as much attention as was possible.
On the other hand, if he "thought" you were unconscious, he's an idiot and did in fact commit something that "could" be considered rape (sex without consent). The problem here is that we don't really know if this has happened before, if you were moving, but not giving any indication of full consciousness, etc. You, in fact, may not remember as much as you would like of the evening. Please be careful when asking for advice based on limited information.
If you really feel he took advantage of him, but don't think it was all that serious, it may be because you know more about him and the situation than you presented in your question. I'd suggest you confront him with it in a non-threatening way. Something like, "you know the other night when we got drunk...did you know I was asleep when you started?" If he says, "you're kidding!" let him know what really went on. If he says, "yeah, so?" give him both barrels and explain the definition of "rape" to him.
For all you women who want to shoot the guy I want to ask you this: If your man woke up to find you working on his private parts...would he accuse "you" of raping him? or buy you flowers? Think about it.
2007-07-11 19:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, having sex with somebody without their consent is technically rape. However, in a mature relationship between consenting adults, we do things to each other that both parties approve of and enjoy, but outside this kind of special relationship would be considered a criminal act (think about a lot of the rougher S&M stuff), so it is much more complicated than that. Playing at domination/rape games is something that both parties can find arousing/rewarding, but there need to be some type of understanding.
The problem is that it seems to bother you. You also need to consider the fact that you woke up but pretended to still be asleep. Why did you do this? Once you figure out why you did not confront him at the time in some way (negative or positive), you need to talk to the guy and discuss this together such that both of you have an idea about where the limits are in your relationship.
2007-07-10 16:50:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, do to the fact said act was not consented to by you. Thus, being rape! At the very least! I would say you should say something to him. Why does he feel it is all right to take advantage of you in the state you were in. Or why would he do this in the first place. That this behaviour is unacceptable! A violation of you, and the supposed trust you have in your relationship. What his side of the event(rape). If there is even one. I am not saying there is any excuse for rape. There is not! You seem to infer by your question that you would like to stay in this relationship. If so then, this is something that definitely needs to be addressed by a sit down talk between you and him. I personally feel that this form of behaviour exhibited by your boyfriend. Shows an inherent disrespect of you. Therefor a total impasse in your relationship. A total relationship buster at the very least. Who know what this deviant might do next time. Do you really want to take that chance? It time to leave this sleaze behind you and move on. There are better men out there then him. Who will respect you, love you and honour your right to make your own decisions. Your boyfriend is scum pure and simple.
Also, I think you might want to examine! Why you would even want to stay in a relationship at any level with someone that would treat you this way. No one has the right to violate another individual. There is no excuse! Move on, and really look how this might be influencing you(self-esteem). To ignore the situation. Thinking it has no impact on your state of mind. Would be wishful thinking! Think about yourself and dump this loser. You might want to think about bringing this pathetic piece of trash up on charges. But in the end, do what is best for you. The only one who truly knows what that is. Is you!
Peace!!! Love!!! Harmony!!! Respect!!! Honour!!!
2007-07-05 11:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by Richard P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats rape! anytime someone has sex with you without consent is rape.. even if it your boyfriend or husband.
I think you need to tell him that you were awake. Be honest about it. See what he says.
But honestly... I really think you should consider what this means for your relationship. I know if it was me, I would lose trust in him. I would consider breaking up. Cause it is disrespect for you and your body.I know men need to "take care of business", but there are other ways. What else could he do when you are sleeping???
If this is really bothering you, you need to get it out.
If you stay together, great!! And, if in the end, you breaking up.. then thats ok too.
Hope it helps.
Much Luck!!
2007-07-05 11:05:04 · answer #4 · answered by lifeiscake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you pretended to be asleep. And how do you pretend to sleep when someones having sex with you? And yeah it's bad, he took advantaged of you when he thought you were passed out. He knows he did something wrong because he didn't even mention it to you. You have to say something to him what he did to you has a name, it's called rape. He didn't have your mention to have sex with you. He may think it wasn't a big deal because he's your boyfriend, but it is.
Speak to him before he has the assumption that he can continue to do it.
2007-07-11 20:17:44 · answer #5 · answered by Boopalot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well me personally i think that was not cool at all i mean its basically a simulation of rape because you didnt give him your consent to do it but then again i mean u could always ask him about it and see what he says whats the worse that could happen if you ask i mean now dont just come to him and act all mad about it because then you never know what he might do but just work your way into it you know talk about all the stuff that happened that day upntil that night and then just you kw bring it up and kinda laugh about it to lighten the mood up that way he doesnt feel uncomfortable answering the question
2007-07-05 11:02:11 · answer #6 · answered by sherman r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you guys had intercourse before this? It's kind of wierd but if you normally deny him I think it's a big issue. If not he prolly thought you'd wake up and so his intention wasn't to harm you. The fact you're asking though says that you feel violated. Explore your feelings and then when you have a handle on them let him know how you feel. If it was bothering you or upsetting you why did you not push him away and tell him no? Are you unable to say no for some reason?
2007-07-05 11:00:22 · answer #7 · answered by timssterling 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes that is DEFINETELY WRONG. Having sexual intercourse without consent is technically called rape. You were unconcious, and he had intercourse with your body. He violated you, disrespected you, did something NOONE should ever do. Silence is not the way to go, it could happen again. And if he is having sex with his an unconcious person, then what else is he capable of doing to you/someone else? He doesn't sound like someone you should feel comfortable around.
2007-07-05 11:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by cherrylipslove 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on if you liked it or not. I'm sure next time you fall asleep he'll be at it again. He may even try to get you drunk to get it again. I guess your guy just needs a warm body and that's it. Think of it this way your guy doesn't ask permission for sex. IF a woman passes out he sees that as time to have sex without permission. Keep quiet if you want to keep being a slab of meat to get off on. :(
2007-07-05 10:59:49 · answer #9 · answered by Shinigami 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yeah thats soo wrong!!!
If u did'nt mind then just make a joke about it to him..
But if u feel awkward and your not happy about it then get rid of him..because u pretended you were asleep he might do it again... :-)
2007-07-05 10:57:47 · answer #10 · answered by baby_lou_smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋