Has anyone experienced an complete and unprovoked change in their 18 yr old's behavior/attitude? My stepdaughter visited us this summer and has seemingly decided that she can treat anyone, any way she likes. It's been AWFUL! She has been rude and snotty to everyone in the family. We visited her where she lives for her graduation, and everything was fine. But one month later, and she's teen-zilla! My husband tried talking to her about it, but she seems to think it's her right to be that way. Anything anyone says or does is subject to her wrath! We are both at a loss and really don't know how to deal with her.
2007-07-05 03:42:16 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OK....maybe I should elaborate. We have tried talking to her, being calm, no one has yelled at her. She even treats her very nice boyfriend this way! (calls him stupid, orders him around) She has told us she's 18, and she can do what she wants....however, we are (in her mind) supposed to take it all on the chin, because she's a "grown-up" now. We know that this will surely catch up to her sooner or later....but in the meantime, we feel that we have to take a stand and say no, we won't tolerate being treated that way! Are we out of line for that?
2007-07-05 05:44:13 · update #1
It may be something that is going on in her life right now. I don't condone rudeness or disrespect, and it sounds like you have tried to talk to her, but you might try to find out if there is something going on with other family, friends, boyfriend, college, etc. that is bothering her. Her behavior may not be directed at you.
Also, I don't know how much of this might be applicable, but is she on medication or could she be abusing a substance?
2007-07-05 03:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by PK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure it's not just PMS?
...But seriously, did she move from home recently? If so, she's probably enjoying her new freedom a bit too much.
Being on your own for the first time is very disturbing, it can change your character a lot for a while. It usually tones down after a few months. If not, maybe she's repressing something, or there were some issues she didn't solve before leaving, and now she can't let it out in any other way than a big ball of resentment.
You should try to call her and talk to her and ask directly if you did something wrong and why she acted the way she did. If she doesn't want to come visit you, then she shouldn't rather than be pissy while she does something she doesn't like...
2007-07-05 03:52:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, She may be 18 but you are still her parents. alot of 18 year olds think (that includes myself when I was 18) that they know everything because they are on their own now and they don't have parents watching over them any longer. But then if she was fine before hand and now at 18 she is just a feral street cat there is something else in play.
Take into consideration that you can't be there with her all the time now so it's a complete mystery in what could have changed her attitude. She thinks she is an adult now so she may have to learn like one, By experience. in time when she starts wondering why people don't call or talk to her as much or her BF dumps her and even possibly customer complaints at her work she may just stop thinking that everyone else is the pain and realize that "Hey, maybe it's me".
I don't belive there is much that can be done on the parental end. She is in that zone where she just won't hear it, and she doesn't have to listen to anyone. And an intervention will only get her on a rant.
I hate saying let it go but in this case she just may have to learn on her own like most adults do.
2007-07-05 06:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by AJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Changing that much in one month is not normal. I would wonder if new friends, a bad situation, drugs, or something else has happened in the month. She may have broken up with a boyfriend or experienced something that upset her. I'd suggest trying to find a quiet time to gently ask her if everything is OK.
In the meantime, I'd suggest a loving, accepting attitude from both of you. Until you know what caused the change, that's the best way to go. She may be depressed, an article about teen depression is linked below.
2007-07-05 03:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 17 year old the same way.I mark it up to her becoming her own person. One week she is the best daughter you could ever ask for the next time she is the devil himself.
We must remember as parents that many of us have gone through the same things.
To her we don't know anything and we completely screwed everything up,so she thinks she know what is right and everyone else is wrong unless you are her friend.
Next she is a women now and just like most young men who live at home she needs her own domain but she is not quite there yet.She has yet to live and learn as we once did.
My family stays clear of our daughter on bad days and we make the best of it on the good ones.
We don't want to harm her or say things in which we lower ourselves;your step daughter knows you are there for her but she needs to figure stuff out on her own even if she falls.Like many parents we are simple here to guide and direct when they need us.But there adults now who know everything
I feel your pain
2007-07-05 03:53:05 · answer #5 · answered by wkemrer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just turned 18 two weeks ago, and this girl should know that just because shes considered an adult doesnt mean shes the queen of the world. Someone needs to tell her shes not getting ready for the real world with a snotty attitude that like, and she better straighten up and become a responsible adult. I wouldn't dare disrespect my parents or my family like that. Tell her that even now that she thinks she has total freedom to do as she wants, she still has parents that are there to help guide her through life.
Good luck!
2007-07-05 03:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by Muffins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs to be strung up by her thumbs. Best thing to do is ignore her and any time she wants to show up or visit, make excuses and keep her at a distance.
Maybe she'll see the light when she finds she alienates her family because of her attitude. Of course, she'll pull this attitude with someone outside the family and make get a black eye for her trouble. Some people are considerably less tolerant of others anti-social behavior.
2007-07-05 03:49:34 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother just turned 18 and thinks because he is 18 he can do anything. Tell her now that she is 18 she has to take responsiblity in her life and if she can't respect you and your husband and your rules then she is not welcome to visit you. She will finally start getting a clue when people stop handing her everything and she has to figure out things for herself. 18 year olds think that they don't have to listen to anyone, but they soon realize once they have alienated those that have supported them in the past, the real world is a bit tougher than they imagined. Let her on her own for a couple weeks.
2007-07-05 03:47:42 · answer #8 · answered by blue_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since she is 18, there is no need to be having over all the time or anytime for that matter. If her attitude doesnt change and change soon you can always keep her on her own and not have her over. I will not be subject to anyone's wrath in my own home. She has a problem with the way I do things then she doesnt need to come over. Sounds simple to me
2007-07-05 03:46:23 · answer #9 · answered by dave n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, well coming from a former teenzill, i would say that tough love is the way. lay the hammer down, she stops it or she is gone. Better yet punish her. What she is doing is testing your all. How far can she push. You have to push back, she may be 18, but she need to understand respect to. By the way I and my parents made it through ok. It took time, i am not 38 and have a great relationship with them,. Hang in there and start pushing.
2007-07-05 03:49:38 · answer #10 · answered by luciabella37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋