My mother is a narcissist. For all these years, she has projected her traits on my husband.Is this common?

Question

My mom has called my husband a pathological liar, manipulator, and all the traits a narcissist displays. She has then have created a idea to other family members that I am brainwashed and helpless, I have isolated from them and my husband is tearing up my life and breaking up my relationships with them. She is crying for me and is so sorry .She has tried to help keep the marriage together. Meanwhile, my marriage is fine except her illness takes our focus off each other and the kids. Please only answer if you really understand narcissism. Right now, she has discredited me for years ( and my husband) and now everyone just wants the best for me.

Answer 1

This is typical behavior of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. These people will never believe that anything is their fault. There isn't anything wrong with them, it is everyone else. She has just chosen your husband as her scape goat. Unfortunately prognosis is very very poor for these people. Even if you could somehow convince your mother to get help, it is highly likely that you wouldn't' see much if any improvement. So you must come to the understanding that there is nothing you can do to change her. You can't force her and you can't even reason with her. Once you are at that point you and your husband for the sake of your little family. need to sever the ties with her. Having someone with narcissistic personality disorder in your life is not only very disruptive but can be detrimental to your other relationships and can teach your children dysfunctional patterns of behavior.
Also please understand that most people with one diagnosable disorder almost always have at least one other diagnosable disorder. This is called comorbidity or comordid. For example; A man with narcissitic personality disorder may also have obsessive compulsive personality disorder.
I am very sorry you have had to deal with this. My advice to you is to see a therapist and let them guide you on how to deal with it. In the meantime just stay AWAY from her!

God Bless!

Answer 2

Maybe they are, both narcissists. Its not uncommon for someone who had a narcissistic parent to end up with a narcissistic spouse as well. Its all you know. But DON'T in a million years blame yourself as they may like for you to do, so they don't have to take responsibility for they deplorable actions. Best thing to do is to step away from both of them, and put aside anything they say about the other and examine his behavior from an outsiders point of view. Stay strong and good luck to you. Only thing worse than having a narcissist in your life is a narcissist who knows they're narcissistic and uses it as an excuse for their actions to continue to manipulate you.