My boyfriend Jordan and I have been together for 3 years and have been living together for 1 year.He's made me happier than I ever thought possible and I can't imagine my life without him.We're both 27,have highly successful careers and a very active social life.He treats me like a princess and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him.We had a talk about our future a few days ago.He wants nothing more than for us to get married and start a family.Problem is I can't for the life of me tolerate children and think of parenthood as a prison you can never get out of.I'm not willing to ruin my figure which I work so hard to maintain or make all the other sacrifices that come with having a baby and doubt I ever will be prepared to do so.To me my 5 dogs are my children and I'm more than happy with what Jordan and I have.Where do we go from here?
2007-07-05 01:38:31 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
well, i don't think raising kids is quite that bad, and i've met women who have had kids yet they didnt lose their figure, although they had to work hard to look that way. however, give it some time, perhaps he'll see things your way, or you'll see things his way. if neither of those happen, you will have to talk to it about him, it will cause some tension between you two if that whole thing is unresolved
2007-07-05 01:44:10 · answer #1 · answered by Crazy Celt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is a tricky one isn't it? I'm not sure how old you are but I felt the same when I was in my early 20's and then one day found out I was pregnant! I never dreamed of being a mother as I wasn't a big fan of kids and had a fairly low tolerance for them but as soon as my son was born, my whole world revolved around him and still does. I divorced his father when he was three and have never re-married but managed to have a career and "maintain my figure" but we have had the best life together full of ups and downs and now he has left home to make his own way in the world. Anyway, enough about me! As long as you are being totally honest with Jordan and he knows your feelings it is probably up to him to decide if he wants to stay in this relationship with you because by the sound of your query, you are happy but he may not be. If he decides to leave the relationship because he dearly wants a family, you have to respect his decision as it would not be fair for him and it will eventually harbour resentment on his part. In a few years you may change your mind but if you don't you have to both be in complete agreeance about where your lives are headed whether it be together or apart as we are here for such a short time and sometimes later in life we regret certain life choices. Good luck!
2007-07-05 01:54:05 · answer #2 · answered by veruca salt 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well when it comes to love and marriage, some sacrifices must be made, since it is clear that your boyfriend wants children and you don't, even if the two of you get married, he will never be happy with you, because he wants children. He may say it doesn't matter, but eventually it will; and will cause him to either have an affair with a woman who can have children, which will lead to a divorce, and him leaving you for her, or you can just let him go. If you truly love him he way you say you do, then you would let him go, because it is unfair to him to marry you knowing that you will never have his child. So release him and allow him to be happy with someone else. And as a mom of two parenthood is not a prison. Being a mother is the best title I wear and has ever earned. I see a lot of people in nursing homes, who wished they had children, because they say it is terrible to grow old, and watch other peoples children come to visit, they are very very sad, and its sad to watch. But you have your dogs. See Let Jordan be with a woman who is willing to have his baby grow inside her, and share all of the other wonderful experiences that goes along with parenthood.
2007-07-12 09:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by pookster4262 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Please, Please,Please don't have children. If he wants children and you do not then let him find s/b that wants children. There are two sides to this story. I can't imagine living life w/o children, however if you dont' want them , then that does not make you a bad person, it is just a preferance. I have a girl and a boy both are a full time job and they are very good children but they require much more of your life than you could ever imagine. I know he's good to you and you are happy but love him enough to let him be happy as well. I am sure this is not the advise you wanted and I am sorry for that , but it is food for thought
2007-07-11 18:20:14 · answer #4 · answered by seymoretowns 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Reading between the lines, it seems you have some other reason for not wanting children. Why is motherhood a prison to you?
You shouldn't try to dodge examining your past. It's part of who you are. You survived it, and it can make you strong if you let it.
If you choose not to examine your past, or if that examination still leaves you with the same opinion of parenting, you need to let your boyfriend know. He has a right to choose whether to stay with you, childless, or move on to someone who wants a family.
An intermediate step, if you decide you're willing to try to compromise, would be for both of you to borrow a child for a day. This can help you to clarify matters. You may see that parenting isn't so bad, or he may see that having kids isn't everything he thought it would be, or you may each have your opinions hardened.
2007-07-11 19:25:58 · answer #5 · answered by Beth Rorie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for realizing your parental limitations before you actually have a child. There's something to be said for that, even if I disagree with your reasoning. I'm not a "kid person" but I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything. I know you love your boyfriend but this issue is a deal breaker. We have friends who agreed they never wanted kids and then a few years into it, the wife changed her mind. He reluctantly agreed, they have a couple of kids and their marriage is very rocky. He is a total absentee father, he lets her know that she wanted them so she has to deal with them (taking them to school, practice, etc.) and he is basically useless as a parent and this has resulted in the kids being bullies, out of control, etc. The only ones that lose are the kids. And as a child who wasn't wanted, at least by my mother, I can tell you it's a hard thing to accept. My mother feels I ruined her life and blames that on my existence. If you love him, you'll let him go and find someone who will give him the family he so desires. It's best for both of you. I hope it all works out for you.
2007-07-05 03:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by Empress1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're sure that you wont change your mind then you should tell him how you feel. And the sooner the better. And if he's not willing to make the sacrifice then the chance of a happy relationship is pretty much doomed. You don't want to spend the rest of your lives resenting each other.
I hope you can work it out!
P.S - Kids aren't that bad! I hated them to until I had one. Now I couldn't imagine not having one! Good luck!
2007-07-05 01:46:30 · answer #7 · answered by Danni 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not wanting kids can actually be a deal breaker. Maybe you're not ready and that's fine, you're young still. He on the other hand may be ready and no matter what, probably wants kids with or without you. Not wanting kids is an alright way to live....I sometimes want that life...it'd be soooo much easier, but on the other hand, my kids are the best thing that have ever happened to me and they're with you for life!!!! Only good things happen when you have kids, but if you don't want kids, only bad things will happen in your life as you won't understand and deal with the everyday headaches as cute life happenings. Wait another 3 years and you might want to take that adventure...then again, you might not. He does have a right to know how you feel though.
2007-07-12 08:58:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think if you read your question you would find the real answer. You don't seem to have any doubts about how you feel. Now you may want to ask to people who didn't like kids before and had them how they feel now. If you have a good relationship you will probably have a good marriage and Jordan will more than likely be a good father. Be careful about what you decide; but sooner or later you will need to be honest with him. Good luck!
2007-07-10 17:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by Beth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Raising children is a prison. One in five women in the USA choose not to have them. You will loose your identity, as a human, and become little more than a “baby-factory”. Don’t waste your life on something that any “cavewoman” can do.
You need to tell him immediately, so he can decide if he will support your choice, or end the relationship. This sort of thing is a “deal-breaker”. I have had several relationships fail because I don’t want them, and most every woman that I dated did. But now, thanks to the internet, finding women that don’t want children is not a problem at all.
As a man, I can’t stand women that are submissive, and give into whatever a man wants. Such behavior is so “cavewoman”. If you give in to his desire to have children, you are going against everything women that came before you have strived to achieve. Show us what you are made of, and tell him No!
2007-07-06 07:39:53 · answer #10 · answered by Marvin 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are in love with someone who does not have the same values and goals as you do. How is it that you ignored that in creating this life together? He didn't just pull the kid thing out of the air suddenly.
You have to leave him. You aren't going to make him happy and he isn't going to make you happy. Life isn't about being 27 and on top of the world, its about 50years in the future and what you wanted to do with your life. If having children is not in that future for you, then you cannot marry a man who see's himself teaching baseball to his grandson.
I don't believe that people who are sure they don't want kids, become parents. You are right, parenting never ever ends. They don't just go away at a certain age. It won't fulfill a woman who isn't able to fulfill herself. It won't solve a relationship problem. And the most important message here, children will not bring you happiness. That's on you.
You sound like your life is on the path you want it to be on. You have ignored who this man really is and made him into your perfect man, and now you need to face that you two are not compatible on a basic human level. Decide who gets custody of the dogs and move on.
Oh and something to think about. I don't like kids much. I never wanted them, until I was about 29, and then all of sudden it seemed to be the right thing to do. I had a set of twins at age 30 and they are 24 now. I loved them to death, but still can't stand other children. While I don't regret their existance and what I have learned from being a mom, I do regret having children and do regret having them with the man I did. If I had it to do again AND DID NOT EVER KNOW THEM, I would never have had them. Again, I love my daughters, and I'm a damn good mom, but it wasn't the best decision for me.
2007-07-05 01:53:13 · answer #11 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋