Hey I am 14 and a year ago my mom found out my step-dad was cheating on her. I mean he had an another whole relationship. He bought the lady a ring and everything. Now like a week ago she found out he was cheating on her with another woman. And I hate how he still massages her and touches her like that. And him and I get into fights and I start to become disrespectful to him. And my mom gets mad when I do get disrespectful. So my questions are. Should I have to be respectful to him? And do I deserve to be mad at him??
2007-07-05 00:27:07 · 9 answers · asked by Zach 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is a sticky situation. On the one hand, he is your step-dad and you have to be respectful because of that. On the other hand, you definitely DO deserve to be mad at him, because he's done something very wrong and he's hurt your mom.
It's kind of like the way we have to look at the president.......when we say we have to "respect the office, not the man." It just means we have to respect the fact that he holds the position of president, and show him respect based on that, but if we don't like or respect the man himself, in our hearts, we have a right to feel the way we feel!
Your mom is the person who has to come to terms with what's happened and make some good decisions on whether she wants to forgive your step-dad and allow him to continue in her life or not. This is really her personal decision and there's not much you can do to influence it. Your most important job is to concentrate on YOUR life...schools, friends, etc.....and not spend a lot of time worrying or feeling bad about what's going on in your mom's life, because she's an adult and it's HER responsibility to take care of her own life without letting it cause you stress. Really the fact that you even KNOW about this cheating at all is wrong on your mom's part. That's something that you shouldn't have to know about and be burdened by, and you wouldn't have to if the adults in your life were acting like adults.
You sound like a good person, and when you become an adult it will be up to you whether you want to have a relationship with your step-dad or not. For now I'd say just keep your mind on yourself and your own life and try not to let your parents' problems get under your skin too much.
2007-07-05 00:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anne M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you could not be mad at him, but if your mom is willing to be a doormat for this loser, you don't have alot of choice.
Tell your mom why you are mad and that you think she deserves better treatment. It may be that she cannot support herself and she's afraid to try.
I don't believe that being disrespectful is going to get you any place, but you have every right to stand up for your mother. If you can, calmly tell he has disappointed you, you thought he was a better man than that. And then leave it alone.
Seek out other male role models such as a grandfather, or an uncle. If your real dad is around and you have a relationship with him, tell your mom you want to spend more time with him. Don't hide your feelings but don't get emotional. Tell her that you cannot stand to see her treated like a doormat and you won't watch it. Good luck.
2007-07-05 01:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is you are mad at him. He is disrespecting your mother and you probably feel like you have to protect her. I know that I would be upset with both my Mother and Step-father in that situation. It has happened more than once and he is still with your mother... I understand when infidelity happens sometimes couples try to work it out... but it has happened again. I would be upset with my mother for letting someone disrespect her and upset with him for doing that and not being a good role model for you. I guess I think that you do deserve to be mad... I think as far as being respectful to him, yes. You are 14 and are living with him. I don't mean that you have to be his friend or make unnecessary conversation with him. I am sorry you have been put in that situation... its hard.
2007-07-05 00:46:47 · answer #3 · answered by katiea4172002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not about deserving to be mad at him, its that you are mad at him and who could blame you. He has put you in this situation and let your mum down so badly. For the sake of peace in the land, you can be respectful as you can be. This doesn't take anything away from you being mad. Just be polite and be there to support your mum, after all its your relationship with your mum that will live on after he has fled.
2007-07-05 01:08:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do deserve to be mad at him.But when u disrespect him u are making your moms life harder.I think her life is pretty hard right now without any help from u.So I know u love her but maybe u should let your stepfather know how u feel and then leave it alone.It is up to your mom what happens after that.Good luck hon
2007-07-05 02:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to get mad. you cant stand by and watch him treat your mother like trash. You should tell him straight that you dont like that he cheats on your mom. Tell him so he'l know why you dont like him, you are not wrong.
2007-07-05 00:41:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if it was me i wouldnt give him respect..i hated it when my mum got a new fella...i was only about 6...in the end i moved out and lived with a close friend...but i dont think it matters what you do...if your mums happy then best to let them get on with it ! x
2007-07-05 00:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom must only like him for certain reasons b/c if i were her i would DUMP him!! yuo SHOULD be respectful to himbut you r mom should have dumped him by now! Hes a jerk
2007-07-05 00:31:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have all the right to be mad at him and to tell the truth i don't even understand how your mother didn't doumbt him i mean he oubviously doesn't deserve her
2007-07-05 02:54:23 · answer #9 · answered by supernolwen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋