I was adopted,?

Question

at like 6 months.
Now I'm 15.
And sometimes I get these feelings of being just like, really disconnected with my family. Like I'm out of place, and just don't belong.
And its really a feeling I cant describe. But I get them randomly.
Does anyone else get these feelings?

Answer 1

yes.

I had this for years and years even though my parents were brilliant people and gave me a fab life.

But there was always this feeling in me to find out where I came from, to have some sense of self-knowing.

I needed to know who I was and where I came from, including why I was good at certain things and crap at others, why my personality is like it is and who i got it off.

Also, to know if i had any other family.

Im 26 now, and found my biological parents a year ago.

My mum is a carbon copy of me, well personality wise anyway. Its like talking to myself when I talk to her and we always know what we are on about, plus she has the same humour as me and everything.

I got my musical talents from my dad. Its so uncanny. I got my height from him too as Im 5 foot 8 and my mum is like 4 foot 11 lol.

This doesnt mean you have to go and find them, but the reason you are having these feelings is because you want to know who you are and why you are you.

If you do decide to look for them, have some councilling as my biggest fear was them not wanting to know me. I was one of the lucky ones.

Saying this, my adoptive parents will, to me, always be my mum & dad and it takes a lot more than giving birth to be a mum.

I will never think of them as anything less than my mum and dad, and my biological mum to me is a very close friend that just happens to look and act like me.

Youre still v young, give yourself a couple of years to really think through what you want to do about it, and dont be scared of talking to your adoptive parents about it all as they are prob expecting you to talk about it as its only natural and they wouldnt have adopted you in the 1st place if they thought they couldnt handle it.

Besides, they will always know that to you, they ARE your mum and dad.
Best of luck, any questions or fears then mail me, ive been there and done this for years.

Xx

Answer 2

I am an adult adoptee and I have had these feeling all during my childhood. They are very hard to describe. I remember times sitting at family functions and looking around thinking I do not belong here and I don't fit in. I did at the time and still do love my family dearly but there just something missing. Like you said a disconnect.

Hard to say if it's a genetic thing or something I did to myself because I have always known I was adopted.

I have reunited with my birth mother via phone only and have since learned that I share the same personality type with her and now credit my disconnect somewhat to that. I now believe that genetics, not just nurturing, play a very large part of who we are.

Now that I have a family of my own, I understand that connected feeling and love it.

Hang in there!

Answer 3

I was also adopted when I was 6 weeks old. My parents let me and my sister (also adopted) know from the jump that we were adopted. I think what you are feeling is completely normal... in fact I went through something similar when I was your age! I didn't think that my parents really loved me, and that I was different from my family because I wasn't one of them. In fact sometimes I still feel that way with my cousins! But here's the kicker... your parents didn't have to adopt you. They wanted a child, and they chose you. There are times (even in loving marrages) where there is an unwanted pregnancy, but you are lucky enough to not be in that situation! Adoptions take a long time (mine wasn't finalized until I was almost 2), and if you weren't wanted, your parents would still have had time to back out. I think most of your feelings are a part of your age group. Just don't pull the same crap that I did when I was your age and go off and get into trouble!

Answer 4

I am 44 and have felt those feeling for just as many years being an adopted child. It is that sense of belonging somewhere and to someone. Even though we are told we are the choosen ones and are loved, it never replaces that intial bond we should get a birth from the birth mother. I have seen it happen when I had my own children and my children having theres. That is when I discovered the answers to what I was exactly feeling inside myself. Hopefully you can find a place for yourself. And don't give up. Please feel free to email me and maybe I can help you out more in my experienes.

Answer 5

Kelly, what you are describing is a very normal feeling -- for most teens! (Yes, even those "born" into their families.)

Don't go borrowing trouble. Sometimes when we have something unique about our lives, like adoption for you, we start to attribute many things to it. Sort of an "all roads lead back to adoption" situation! It's like a girl saying she can't get into college because she has ADHD, but the reality may be that she cannot get into college because she didn't make good grades in high school!

And then, there is also the possibility that you do have some unresolved or sad feelings about your adoption. That's natural for some kids, too! And, it is o.k.!

There may be an adoptee support group in your city -- call one of the big adoption agencies and ask. Or go online, too.

And if this does not help, you can get some counseling to be able to talk about these feelings in a safe and supportive place. Of course, it would be best if you could talk to your mom or dad about these feelings. Despite the myth, most adoptive parents can hear this, support this, and will love you just the same!

Good luck!

Answer 6

I'm adopted as well but didn't have these feelings until I was in my late 20's. I believe this was a result of my own different life experiences that caused me to see the world in a very different way than my very religious family. I don't think it was because I'm adopted. Your feelings may be because of how your own family acts. Do they treat you differently? If so, then that's something you need to discuss with them. Did they wait til you were 10 or 12 to tell you that you were adopted? If so, that can definitely mess w/ your head and you might need to seek therapy to accept your adoption and learn that it's normal and fine. Either way, I would talk to your parents to let them know how you're feeling.

Answer 7

oh honey, can i relate. i was adopted into a wonderful family, strong, stable, country. i on the other hand am loud, silly, outgoing and scarcastic.
i was the black sheep, literally!
you are normal and you will always carry some of those feelings. its just a matter of if you let them rule you or you embrace them and say "yea, im a little different, so what"
its perfectly ok to feel like this, and i do agree with some of the other answerers, you age really sucks. you are so unsure of yourself any way, and add adoption to it and sometimes it gets overwhelming. relax and roll with it. sometimes its a good thing, everyone has that cousin/uncle whatever, that is an embarassment, think you are family, but dont really share a genetic gene pool with them. i have several, i love them, but GEEZ thank god i dont share dna. LOL!
you can email me if you want, i am busy most of the time, but i will write back. i actually have a girl i met on here i email on a regular basis. she said it helps to have someone that understands.
[e-mail]

Answer 8

It sure is normal. I was adopted at birth - and for years I used to get so depressed and it almost got to a point that I couldn't even look in the mirror.

Since seeing someone looking back at you and not being able to say "that's my dads eyes, and those freckles came from my mom....and I have curly hair from so and so - whatever your looking at - you can't place it... and it cuts deep.

Some ppl don't care where they come from and some do...

I was one that did... So when I turned 18, I was able to contact the adoption agency and get non-identifying information...which was nice, but drove me crazy until I was 21. Then I contacted them again and they were able to contact my birth mother and get permission to give her info out. (yes they have that choice).... but be warned if you do that - (if you had a closed adoption) it will cost alot of money!

Good luck! and keep your chin up.... look at your adoption as a blessing, at least you have someone that loves you enough to bring you into thier family and call them your own.... Some don't have that.

Answer 9

Yup. Pretty much every adolescent has those feelings. But because you are adopted, you're giving them more importance than they should have.

It's part of growing up and feeling like you have to find your own way in the world. You're becoming your own person. You're psychologically getting ready to be an adult and strike out on your own.

Rather than wallow in the negative impressions, turn this into a positive. Be thankful that you have a family who loves you and is helping you get ready for adulthood. Try picking out some sort of a community service project that means something to you, and ask for your parents' help in turning it into something special, whether it's raising money to feed the poor or rescuing abused animals or painting a mural in the church or helping pregnant teens. It will look great on your college applications and work resume someday, and it will help you find meaning in life.

Answer 10

From my understanding what you are feeling is pretty common for adoptees in their teens. Frankly, this is pretty common amongst all teens even if they weren't adopted, but having been adopted intensifies it.

You need to make a concerted effort to create your own identity that includes the contributions of your family, but also recognizes and celebrates your unique differences from them. You're becoming an adult and trying to find your place in the world is your job now. There are some excellent books you may want to read...do a search at Amazon for books with the keyword "Adoptee". Best wishes to you!

Answer 11

i probably dont have a right to answer since i am a birthmother , not an adoptee. you are young andneed to be sure that you are ready before taking any steps toward finding your birthparents. i was young, my husband skipped out on me and i couldnt afford to raise a child. but thats not always the case, your parents may have had worse problems . i think your first step should be to talk to your adoptive parents. they raised you and know you and what you are ready for better than us. just explain to them that you love them and they MAY have some information about your birthparents. i gave my daughter up 7 years ago and i still have regrets and i still love her. i get pictures but cant contact her. sometimes i just wonder what the sound of her voice is like. most birthparents miss there children and pine for them, but not all. be sure that you could handle it if you got rejected. good luck.