Can a 4 yr old really feel like he wants to die? His dad is in Iraq and our son has not been the same since &?

Question

he has been quick to get angry, lash out at me and then stop and just cry and cry saying he miss's his daddy and now lately he still has that behaviour but for the past 4 days (now) he has had quiet moments I have noticed where he is just looking out to no where...and this evening he said he wants to die and i asked him what did he know about it and he said he would not have anymore daddy or mommy. I am so heartbroken....not sure exactly what should I do? He is 4, how could he know to say that? How could he know about that? His only knowledge of death is that yes, dinosaurs will eat other dinosaurs, thats how it works in the wild with other animals too. But i just didnt think he would SAY that about himself....what do you think, what would you do in this situation? Since his daddy has been away...he has not been the same...I do NOT watch the news infront of him either and watch what i say around him, I dont even say Iraq, i say daddy is at work in abu dhabi helping people..advice plez?

Just a bit of an update...we have spent day together my little guy and I, no interruptions. I did make an appointment this morning as well to see the child psychologist...I hope that maybe he will be able to help my little guy open up, maybe help me to say the right things to him if i am not.

Answer 1

Amazingly, at that age is when they understand alot more than we think they would and they have alot of feelings and can get very emotional and can feel very sad. I know this because my son is almost four and I could see it in him and how different he acted when my husband was deployed. I would take him out of the house to my friend's house and he'd play with their kids and feel alot better just being around kids his age and having fun with them. I would find what i could to make him happier, feel better. I would make sure that he understood that i was here with him and for him. i don't know how religious you are, but i would have him pray with me and i'd tell him that there are angels everywhere and that he has one watching over him and his daddy has one too and mommy too and they want him to be happy and anytime he missed his daddy, i told him that no matter where he was, if he ever felt lonely or sad, to remember that the moon was something that they both could see no matter where they were. He'd tell me he missed his daddy and i'd ask him if he wanted to go outside and find the moon. He'd say yes and we'd find it, day or night and i'd tell him, your daddy can see it too. he would smile. It helped him alot and went back to being himself fairly quick within a day or two. I would take him to see a dr. though if you feel that it might be better for him. I just thought i'd let you know what i had done. If you need someone to talk to, you can contact me. Best wishes and hope he starts feeling better soon.

Answer 2

Certainly very young children can become depressed and often this will come out more as anger and irritability. It is very difficult to assess the risk in this situation without a clinical evaluation, but talking about suicide in one so young is pretty serious. While there is clearly a stressor that has precipitated his behavior, it would be important to rule out childhood Bipolar Disorder which can present with some similar symptoms to what you describe in very young children, particularly if there is a family history of the disorder. Chances are though that he is missing his Dad and feeling overwhelmed and helpless in the situation. Allow him to talk about his fears and perhaps make/write Daddy a card so he can still feel connected and less powerless. It can also be a difficult battle between knowing how much to discuss his Dad's situation and how much to try and protect him. It's my experience that kids often know and sense far more than we think they do and while it isn't healthy to openly discuss all your fears and sadness with him, it also isn't healthy to pretend that everything is okay or to deny that things are difficult right now as kids will sense that it is worse than it actually is. Sharing that you miss daddy too and what you do when you feel sad can provide a positive model for him about how to deal with loss as well as validate his feelings without increasing his anxiety. Sometimes trying too hard to protect him can have the reverse effect and make him worry more instead of reassuring him that all will be okay. A therapist may be able to help you manage this delicate balance as well as assess the possibility of something more serious emerging.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

well honestly that's really limited information to work with. taking a shot in the dark, your husband is away from you 24/7 and in harms way. that's taxing on you. even though you think you keep that stress hidden, it manifest itself in so many ways. children are receptive to how mommy is feeling, her stress level, anxiety level and so on. this in turn may add to the seperation anxiety that your son already has for his father. remember that your time is the most valuable thing you can give to your child. extra hugs, and lots of love !! the next important thing to remember continue to punish bad behavior just the same as if dad were home. you need to be strong, firm and loving. make sure he knows your in charge and running the show. on another note, good luck, i wish you and yours the best and thank both you and your husband for your service.

Answer 4

Jessy, Please get professional counseling for your son. Do it as soon as possible. And don't neglect to get help for yourself; this situation is not one that any individual should have to go through alone. I wish that I was more knowledgeable in regard to psychological issues, so that I could share some real wisdom with you. Maybe you could enroll him in some activities that could help divert him (and yourself) from constant worry. Maybe you could also find a group near you that is familiar with this situation and share with each other. Sometimes it helps just to have someone who will LISTEN to you. I am available for an email whenever you would like. I am hoping for the very best outcome for your son and yourself.

Answer 5

This is such a heavy question but yeah, young kids can certainly get depressed. It's hard to give any advice on a kid this age. I think you should zip him away to the dr and see if they can give you some idea of services in your area that might be of assistance. He may need someone different than mom to talk to about how he is doing. Don't ignore it though, please. People think that it's "just him missing dad" but kids can be clinically depressed as well. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Jessy,

Yes, young children can be severely depressed. And, yes, it can be serious. Young children can feel very intensely, and without understanding their feelings it can come out as anger. The younger the child, the less equipped this person is to be able to have the perception of time or the or the possibility of resolve.. Feelings overwhelm and feel absolute.
As strongly as your child is feeling and thinking, I would hope you consider this a mental-health emergency. Access professional help experienced in pediatric (children's) mental health services. Let them determine if/ and how serious your child's condition is.

In the mean time, you, his Mom, his caregiver and emotional support -- are doing a great job "Daddy is at work, helping people..." If your child will allow you to do so, hold him, touch skin to skin, maybe rubbing his back or chest or tummy. Allow him to fall asleep in your arms until he is beginning to come out of his black mood. Your voice, reading or humming familiar tunes can be of a major source of comfort.
Average behavior for an anxious child is to complain and to cling. Dangerous behavior is for a child to withdraw and to speak of death.

Answer 7

your son is very mature for his age.
he already understands death and how serious it is.
I'm not surprised especialy with people talking about te war and how fast kids grow up in this time and age..

he feels depressed and is afraid that osmething bad will happen to the both of you. and if somthing were to go wrong, he would feel lonely and thats why he would say something like, "i want to die". you should sit him down and talk to him about what is really going on.

Answer 8

I would seek professional help ASAP. I know of a six year old who killed himself. He hung himself from a tree in his backyard. This is what his mother saw and sees every time she looks out the window of her kitchen. Don't wait until it is too late. This is not something you are qualified to deal with. Your son needs to be evaluated by professionals. The fact that he said he wants to die, is a cry for help in dealing with things that are overwhelming him. Get him the help that he needs...DON'T WAIT.